Moving out. Idk where to start and it hurts too much.

I already have a post here about my breakup but this is about moving out and how hard it is for me right now. We broke up after 7.5 years and 5 years of living together. I go to his house while he’s at work. ( I know he doesn’t mind) we have two cats and I go there to see them but I feel like I should be thinking about getting my things. I’m moving back in with my mom while I try to figure things out and get my life back together. Is 27 too lame to be living with your mom? I don’t really have any other options.

So I go to his Place to see our cats. It’s hard but I’m happy to see them. It feels so weird being back there since no too long ago this was our place. It still feels that way but it hurts cause I know it’s not. I cry every time I go there.

I know I should start moving my things out to move on and such but I get so over whelmed I don’t know where to start. It feels weird and horrible and I get too upset so I stop.

I’m scared if all my things are gone than that’s it. I’m hopeful that things will change. I know I need to focus on myself and so does he. But I’m scared if I move out all my things than there won’t be a chance.

I have so many things there. Clothes obviously, but everything else a couple shares in 7.5 years. It was our house for so long and now it just his and I don’t know what to do or where to start.

I guess what I’m trying to ask is if anyone has had to do. Had to leave a great relationship just cause some small things weren’t working. Where they both loved each other? They lived together for a long time and one person had to move out. And take all their things with them. Did you guys work it out if it wasn’t something too damaging? Will I ever move on? Should I wait for him to tell me to get my things out?

I just don’t know how I can get myself to officially be out of his life. I feel like I’m dreaming and I just want to wake up. I want to call him or see him but I know I shouldn’t. If he wanted he would talk to me.

When did you last speak to him? Why didn't you talk about taking the cats with you? Does he know you are hanging out there? Has he offered to help you get your things out? Have you divided up things such as things you bought or bought together? You need to have these conversations. It sounds like you haven't moved out but are just staying at your mother's.

I go to his house while he’s at work. I’m moving back in with my mom.

The last time I talked to him was last Thursday when he broke up with me. I can’t have cats at my moms so he has to keep them. I would get one and he would get one when and if I’m able to have cats. I don’t know if he knows I go there but Im sure he must.

He told me to take my time getting my things out. We didn’t have a huge fight that broke us up. We are both still in love with each other. He has some things to figure out and so do I so that’s what broke the relationship. Even tho he ended it. I wanted to work on us together.

Most of my things are just my things but I can’t bring myself to move out. It hurts to much. I don’t know what I would even say to him if I was able to talk to him. I miss him so much. I want to call him or see him so bad. But I know I shouldn’t.

Im so broken that I can actually feel my body hurting. Going over there is so hard it brings back all he memories we had there and a reminder that it’s not mine any more. I go there mainly to see my cats but it hurts so much idk what to do

What is it that you both have to figure out? Being together for over 7 years, it seems like he would've done a lot of thinking before calling it quits on such a long term relationship, and I wouldn't hold out hope for reconciliation.

Can you get a friend to help you move your stuff out? Resolve to get it done, even though it's painful. If you don't get it done soon, going there regularly will extend the date that you will be able to start healing from the breakup.

It's not strange to move back in with a parent temporarily. Just have a time plan of what you will do to be able to move out on your own.

After a 7 year relationship, just know it's normal to mourn for a while, and let yourself do so as it's a normal step in healing. Pamper yourself for now, and give yourself a good year before dating again, not that you feel like doing that now, but some people want to before they are ready, like a heart band-aid.

It's hard when you have pet custody issues, and I really don't know what I'd do about that. You will have to weigh the pros and cons on how sharing custody of the pets is affecting your ability to move on from the relationship. Take care.

Being in limbo is likely more painful that an actual break.

Leaving your stuff behind doesn't guarantee you anything. It isn't the `stuff' that held the relationship together, it's the two people that were in it that did.

Have a friend help you. Don't do this by yourself. Move your things out. No doubt this is difficult for him as well.

There is no motivation for things to shift or change as long as you live in limbo.

Start moving forward in an effort to heal and if by chance this relationship has a chance, by you two being totally separated, stuff and all - he'll have an opportunity to realize what life without you really feels like. Just be careful not to count on it, though.

I guess what I’m trying to ask is if anyone has had to do. Had to leave a great relationship just cause some small things weren’t working. Where they both loved each other? They lived together for a long time and one person had to move out. And take all their things with them. Did you guys work it out if it wasn’t something too damaging? Will I ever move on? Should I wait for him to tell me to get my things out?

The problem is that they weren't small things to him. Your previous threads indicate that he didn't make a rash decision and that there were bigger problems between you two. I agree that he still loves you, but loving someone doesn't mean you see a future with them and work as a romantic couple, unfortunately.

In any event, yes, I have ended two live-in, long-term relationships before. And there were no reconciliations in my case. I know it's very hard to sort through it all and it feels so strange and painful. But I would recommend that you bring a trusted friend or family member with you for support in actually packing your items. You will need a solid shoulder to lean on during this process. Be patient with yourself.

As another poster pointed out, people (not things) hold relationships together. Removing your things doesn't actually signal the end. That's already happened. I know it doesn't feel that way until your belongings are finally separated but your items being around won't likely override the decision he's already made. One of my ex's left his things in our previously-shared home for months after the breakup. It didn't change my feelings, either or before of after he finally removed everything.

And no, 27 is not too old to stay with your mom. You have just had a big upheaval so Mom's place is probably the best spot you could be at the moment. Give yourself some time to develop a plan to regain your independence.

Hi there OP,

I was in a LTR for 7 years. Engaged for 2 and Living together for 5.5. We broke up in June 2017 and I had the difficult task of moving out of our home that we had purchased together. Like yourself, there were pets involved. Two lovely cats and an amazing and hyper standard poodle. I gave the cats to my mom as I couldn't have them in my new space, and the ex kept the dog. We initially thought that a "joint custody" situation would work with the dog.... but trust me, I know you are in pain right now. The pain only starts to lessen when you make a clean break. My ex immediately began dating a new girl and moved in with her shortly after. He is getting married in April - a short 8 months after our scheduled wedding date. The only way you begin to heal is to separate yourself from the situation and let your body go through the withdrawal of missing your relationship. I sacrificed the relationship with my dog in order to protect myself, my emotions and begin healing properly. Good luck to you and I truly believe no contact if possible is the best way to go.

OP..interesting post as I find myself in a similar situation, but in the reverse. My wife of 8 plus years and I bought a house together 15 years ago. She moved out at my request over a year ago and we are now working through the divorce process. We have two dogs that she is very attached too and our recently signed settlement agreement gives me full custody of the dogs. In addition, she has until the end of March to remove all of her belongings from the house. As you do, she stops by now and then to see and walk the dogs. She too has a difficult time visiting her past home and pets, and usually leaves balling her eyes out.

During the negotiation process, the thing that bothered her the most was her having to remove her items from the house. She and the lawyer where discussing storage space rental when she completely broke down and started crying. I posted here some time ago in the relationship forum relative to setting boundaries with the STBX. Interesting comments on how to manage the pets after a break up.

Reading how you feel about going to the home, seeing the cats, and having to remove your things hits home because my STBX has expressed the same feelings. Good luck to you and I will be following.

Thank you all. I feel like the most painful part of this break up is losing my pets. They did nothing wrong and don’t deserve that. Going there and seeing them still makes me upset at the fact that when I leave I may never see them again. I know my ex wouldn’t hold them over me or doing anything to stop me from seeing them I just know it’s too painful.

Even though I would rather be living with them I at least know they are safe and well taken care of and My ex loves them as much as me.

My heart goes out to everyone who has had to lose a pet, this way or any other way. I hope I have the strength soon enough to get my things so I can start healing but right now I’m okay with living out of a suitcase, for now.

Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone in this (but sorry you also had to experience it too )and that things will get better even though it’s hard to see that right now.

I read somewhere that most breakups are like cocaine addictions in the way your body withdraws from a person. The best thing I am doing right now is to stay positive, keep busy when I can, and NC!

Thanks again to everyone who has commented! I really appreciate the feedback.