Gestures of affection between FWB in public

I had an idiotic call with my ex.

 

He told me that, even if he had told me that he did not want a long-term relationship with anyone (on our 5th date in a week where he had already started touching and kissing me in public) (but no from the call it came out that he was freaked by the fact that I was a virgin and he is a 34 years old man so he is looking for long term always, and he did not see me as a potential partner), that he kept kissing me and holding my hand in public (even being th eones insisting on doing that) just to make me happy, and the same for the daily messages even after he decided to have less encounters with me (in June and July we saw each other only 4 times). We were friends and he cared about me!

 

Guys, could you please tell me that that is not normal for FWB?

 

Thanks!

I am confused.

 

This man is your ex-boyfriend, or a FWB? Or an ex-turned-FWB?

 

Anyway, being affectionate in public is not that unusual for a FWB. The premise of the arrangement is that you will have sex (or some other intimate encounters) so the displays of affection are often just a precursor to that.

 

He might not see you as girlfriend material but he might be one of those guys who gets off on taking someone's virginity. Perhaps he's trying to warm you up to that.

I am confused.

 

This man is your ex-boyfriend, or a FWB? Or an ex-turned-FWB?

 

Anyway, being affectionate in public is not that unusual for a FWB. The premise of the arrangement is that you will have sex (or some other intimate encounters) so the displays of affection are often just a precursor to that.

 

He might not see you as girlfriend material but he might be one of those guys who gets off on taking someone's virginity. Perhaps he's trying to warm you up to that.

 

Sorry for the confusion. He is what I thought was my boyfriend but all along we were FWB (I ended it in September) but he did all of these things and I thought we were still knowing each other and he seemed so into me.

I see.

 

I think he took advantage of your lack of experience and was hoping to get you into bed. But I am curious, is it correct that you haven't seen him since September?

I had a surreal call with him on Sunday. I has seen him once in November when, after I told him of my difficulties with let men touch me (we were friends I kept thinking that I could trust him) he told me about his wonderful new girlfriend with whom he was in a serious relationship (or at least one he was sure was good to start a relationship with).

It sounds like friends with NO benefits.

he was freaked by the fact that I was a virgin

That's not a FWB. That's someone you dated and who it didn't work out with. And, yes, it's normal to hold hands and kiss someone after a handful of dates even if it doesn't end up working out.

 

What was this "idiotic call?"

Yeah ... you guys weren't really "friends with benefits" - you dated and it didn't work out. His behavior was normal for the stages you went through. Physical touch and the beginnings of intimacy begin for most people early on in dating. Hand-holding, arms around each other, touching, etc.

Please consider your reader. We do not know your story. The post makes no sense.

You should cease contact with him. Block and delete him. You are already dating a new guy, right?

I had a surreal call with him on Sunday.

OP not sure what you are asking here. I am sure everyone has a different point of view on FWB but most would agree that it is a no strings attached sexual relationship with someone you are also friendly with. If there is no sex, there is no FWB. Whether or not affection in public is involved is different for everyone. I have had some FWB types of relationships and they are pretty much strictly about sex, with some friendly chatting before and after, but no "relationship" type stuff such as going on dates, chatting on the phone, or PDA.

OP not sure what you are asking here. I am sure everyone has a different point of view on FWB but most would agree that it is a no strings attached sexual relationship with someone you are also friendly with. If there is no sex, there is no FWB. Whether or not affection in public is involved is different for everyone. I have had some FWB types of relationships and they are pretty much strictly about sex, with some friendly chatting before and after, but no "relationship" type stuff such as going on dates, chatting on the phone, or PDA.

 

^^^ that's the dynamics of a booty call, not 'friends' with benefits.

^^^ that's the dynamics of a booty call, not 'friends' with benefits.

 

Like I said.... everyone has a different point of view. We are friends, just not friends that hang out and do stuff together. I have other friends for that. If we were hanging out and doing stuff together, talking daily, and having sex, I would consider myself in a relationship with that person. Each to their own tho :)

Like I said.... everyone has a different point of view. We are friends, just not friends that hang out and do stuff together. I have other friends for that. If we were hanging out and doing stuff together, talking daily, and having sex, I would consider myself in a relationship with that person. Each to their own tho :)

 

Usually the 'friend' in friends with benefits is someone you knew long before you started doing it. I think that far too often, booty calls are called FWB just because it sounds better. But, yes as you say, to each their own.

Usually the 'friend' in friends with benefits is someone you knew long before you started doing it. I think that far too often, booty calls are called FWB just because it sounds better. But, yes as you say, to each their own.

 

Lol I don't know why FWB sounds better than a booty call, both can be fun for different reasons, as long as everyone is on the same page. And in the end, it doesn't matter, because in today's world relationships are like snowflakes... each one is unique, and everyone defines them differently, has their own boundaries, guidelines, etc.

 

What's important in the end is that each person communicates and agrees as on how to define the relationship... that there continues to be communication on it... and that if one person changes their mind, they speak up. That's what I get out of what the OP is saying... it seems like her and her FWB, or ex, or whatever her person is, aren't on the same page currently, and someone needs to speak up and say what they want.

Lol I don't know why FWB sounds better than a booty call,

Well, because you're doin it with someone who you know and trust and you (the general you) are more likely to be honest about changes to emotions with someone you already knew and trusted. A booty call is basically sex with someone you see for an hour or two, a time or two a month and you don't really know who they are except for the few hours a month and what they tell you (which can be a lie or the truth).

 

both can be fun for different reasons, as long as everyone is on the same page.

Not arguing that... just the label.

 

And in the end, it doesn't matter, because in today's world relationships are like snowflakes... each one is unique, and everyone defines them differently, has their own boundaries, guidelines, etc.

Its always been that way, not just in today's world. The outcomes of the casual sexual relationship however, more times then not, ends up in the very confusion that we are reading about here in this thread.

 

What's important in the end is that each person communicates and agrees as on how to define the relationship

Which is so much more easy to do when it's an actual friends situation where there is a history of relating prior to the the benefits being introduced.

that there continues to be communication on it... and that if one person changes their mind, they speak up

Yes, well unfortunately it's human nature to be afraid of rejection. The one catching the feelings is nearly always the one who won't speak up out of fear of hearing what they deep down know..

 

That's what I get out of what the OP is saying... it seems like her and her FWB, or ex, or whatever her person is, aren't on the same page currently, and someone needs to speak up and say what they want.

Agreed... but will she?

Meh, at the end of the day as I've said before, I truly feel all this label policing is subtle sl*t shaming. I truly believe that. As I said it reminds me of people who get angry at gay couples and tell them you can't call it marriage, you have to call it civil union.

 

What difference does it make what two people choose to label THEIR situation? And the irony is the lingo for these sexual relationships has changed so much now a days, now you don't hear the phrase 'booty call', it's d*ck appointment, or Netflix and chill or you say I'm gonna see my 'boo thang' or you never label anything, you just both know what's up, so many different phrases to mean the same thing.

 

Oh well it's not my battle to fight so I'll let it go. All I know is if I ever start a thread about a d*ck appointment, booty call, FWB whatever I choose to label what I'm doing and anyone comes to me trying to correct my verbiage expect to get cussed out, IJS, I just personally feel it's in Ill taste.

Meh, at the end of the day as I've said before, I truly feel all this label policing is subtle sl*t shaming. I truly believe that. As I said it reminds me of people who get angry at gay couples and tell them you can't call it marriage, you have to call it civil union.

 

What difference does it make what two people choose to label THEIR situation? And the irony is the lingo for these sexual relationships has changed so much now a days, now you don't hear the phrase 'booty call', it's d*ck appointment, or Netflix and chill or you say I'm gonna see my 'boo thang' or you never label anything, you just both know what's up, so many different phrases to mean the same thing.

 

Oh well it's not my battle to fight so I'll let it go. All I know is if I ever start a thread about a d*ck appointment, booty call, FWB whatever I choose to label what I'm doing and anyone comes to me trying to correct my verbiage expect to get cussed out, IJS, I just personally feel it's in Ill taste.

 

Amen sista!

Meh, at the end of the day as I've said before, I truly feel all this label policing is subtle sl*t shaming.

"Sl** Shaming?" Now THAT'S some a label.

 

I truly believe that. As I said it reminds me of people who get angry at gay couples and tell them you can't call it marriage, you have to call it civil union.

apples/oranges. No one has even implied that they are "angry" about casual sex in the least so I (for one) fail to see your point.

What difference does it make what two people choose to label THEIR situation? And the irony is the lingo for these sexual relationships has changed so much now a days, now you don't hear the phrase 'booty call', it's d*ck appointment, or Netflix and chill or you say I'm gonna see my 'boo thang' or you never label anything, you just both know what's up,

Sadly, MOST do not know what "is up" after the third booty call or "d*ck appointment" and that's why there are soooo very many of these kinds of threads.

so many different phrases to mean the same thing.

That's just it. They do NOT mean the same thing other then they all mean there is to be no commited, (or most times) exclusive romantic relationship.

 

Oh well it's not my battle to fight so I'll let it go. All I know is if I ever start a thread about a d*ck appointment, booty call, FWB whatever I choose to label what I'm doing and anyone comes to me trying to correct my verbiage expect to get cussed out, IJS, I just personally feel it's in Ill taste.

We are on a forum board where opinions and ideas are exchanged. Don't get yourself banned over an opinion.

Be well!

 

Here's something that Batya posted in another FWB need advise kind of thread that says it all, I think and there is absolutely no anger... just sayin.

 

And I think a true situation where close friends decide to have sex means that the close friends are still close -so they likely will text/chat/hang out etc. It doesn't have to be "just sex" - it's just that the two people have decided that they will have sex when they feel like it. And if they weren't good friends but just people who met and decided to have a sexual arrangement then it's not "FWB" -they're sex partners and they may also become friendly aside from having sex. Each of the adults is responsible for knowing his/her own boundaries and if either person wants more that is his/her responsibility as to what to do about those feelings, if anything.

Yeah there wasn't any anger in that response. It's sl*t shaming and I think it's crude. But again like I said not my cross to bear, come at me criticizing how I chose to label my relationships, then we'll have a problem, until then agree to disagree. And did you just threaten to ban me for calling out what I think on a message board? What? You think I'm gonna come to your house and fight you? Dude get over yourself.

 

Anyway, go ahead and hold onto your need to correct any woman who labels a sexual relationship as anything but since it's so imperative to the advice given, I'm done with it, have a great morning 😊

Yeah there wasn't any anger in that response. It's sl*t shaming and I think it's crude. But again like I said not my cross to bear, come at me criticizing how I chose to label my relationships, then we'll have a problem, until then agree to disagree. And did you just threaten to ban me for calling out what I think on a message board? What? You think I'm gonna come to your house and fight you? Dude get over yourself.

 

Anyway, go ahead and hold onto your need to correct any woman who labels a sexual relationship as anything but since it's so imperative to the advice given, I'm done with it, have a great morning 😊

No, I didn't "threaten" to ban you (I don't have that authority anyway) I was just saying that if someone reports you for "cursing" you could get, at the very least, a warning. I was just giving you a friendly heads up. I'm not a snowflake, no need to "get over myself" you misunderstood my intent. (which happens when there is no eye contact or voice inflection.

 

BTW: There was no "sl** shaming" done in this thread at all. I'm sorry you perceived a different opinion as to what that particular poster is engaged in as s-shaming when all it was, was a different opinion of the dynamics. No one called her dirty or sl*ty or wrong for her choice, so...

 

... as we agree to disagree, you have a great morning too.

This thread has run its course...Closed.