Am i being overprotective with my girlfriends body?

So we've been dating for almost 3 years now id say and things are going well, however, everytime my girlfriend wear semi revelaing clothes of her breasts i become overprotective and get really jealous because i feel like other guys are going to hit on her and i feel like shes just trying to make me jealous (sometimes). iknow im probably in the wrong as its her body and i have no right over it but idk i feel really jealous everytime she does wear these clothes and posts pictures of it online. she is aware that i dont really like it when she does it but she doesnt really care about what i have to say as its her body. i have told her in the past and we have almost broken up. i need help or just some re-assurance that this is okay. what do you guys think?

Nope, not ok. You have to trust her that, even if she gets hit on, she won’t act on it.

Is she allowed to go to the pool? Or the beach? Is this just some cleavage?

Yes you are.

Yes you're being over-protective but (and jmo) she really should not be plastering half-naked photos of her breasts all over the Internet for the world to see either, since she's in a committed relationship with you.

The beach, pool that's different.

She sounds like somewhat of an exhibitionist, and attention seeking.

Doesn't bode well for a committed relationship unless you, her BF, are cool with that.

But it's not your call OP.

You either accept it, or consider finding another type of gf.

She may not be an exhibitionist. OP just may be more conservative than her. She may be showing a normal amount of cleavage.

You have no right to influence her dress sense. You have to trust her. Don't be that guy.

She may not be an exhibitionist. OP just may be more conservative than her. She may be showing a normal amount of cleavage.

Fair point, but from what he wrote, I got a different impression, but you could be right!

No you’re not being over-protective, you’re being controlling. Not cool. If you want to be with a woman who is conservative then do that, don’t try and change someone who is not that, into that.

Not something to fight over at least. I've had girlfriends where I'd ask "you're wearing that?" But never tried to dictate what she wore. I'd just say ok.

Now if we're out and she's wearing a short skirt and thong and bending over and everyone is seeing her stuff (and I've had a girl do that) I'd be concerned. But going out with a good looking woman knowing she's my girl.... hell - made for some great sex at the end of the night knowing she was going home with me.

When she's out with you and dressed provocatively, is she with you, or other guys at the bar? I'm wondering where the doubt comes from.

I don't think you have a right to tell her what she can and cannot post. You can tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable and it makes you wonder if you two have compatible values about modesty. I wouldn't like it either.

Echoing what everyone else is saying, especially about your being controlling, not "protective" (unless you mean, protecting your "property").

To add, I'm not sure how a jealous person can accurately judge that another person is "trying" to make them jealous. Not knowing your girlfriend's motives or personality from a single post, it's impossible to accept at face value that she's trying to make you jealous. Maybe, maybe not. If you are insecure and suspicious, even if she wasn't intentionally trying to rile you up, you may perceive it as her trying to make you jealous.

It's possible that it started off with her own desire just to feel sexy and enjoy the feeling (and there's nothing wrong with feeling like a sexy person to the world at large in my opinion, as long as you don't wither without that type of attention), but then your discomfort with it turned it more into an unspoken power struggle. So now, she may be more deliberately defying you, in order not to feel controlled, judged, or dictated to. So your feelings around this may be spurring her to even more brazenly do this.

You've been together for a long enough time that maybe this isn't a divisive enough issue in the whole scheme of things to break up over. On the other hand, this could simmer over time and turn into one of those things that just chips away at the foundation of the relationship, a drop at a time. If you don't trust your partner, eventually that will bleed out into the relationship in other ways; if you feel after 3 years that she doesn't love you enough to remain committed to you, even if some other guy finds her breasts a passing bit of eye candy, and you are insecure enough that this notion bothers you, there's some growing up to do at least of your end and some trouble in store for the relationship, very likely.

So we've been dating for almost 3 years now id say and things are going well, however, everytime my girlfriend wear semi revelaing clothes of her breasts i become overprotective and get really jealous because i feel like other guys are going to hit on her and i feel like shes just trying to make me jealous (sometimes). iknow im probably in the wrong as its her body and i have no right over it but idk i feel really jealous everytime she does wear these clothes and posts pictures of it online. she is aware that i dont really like it when she does it but she doesnt really care about what i have to say as its her body. i have told her in the past and we have almost broken up. i need help or just some re-assurance that this is okay. what do you guys think?

I get flattered when men check out my gal. You should be proud you've attracted a beautiful woman. Relax, she's with you. Have some confidence.

Controlling. Not "protective".

If you feel the need to tell your partner what to do, it's time to check yourself.

If you want a woman who always dresses modestly, there are cultures that adhere to that. You can choose a woman from one of those cultures. Or, choose a woman who has made up her own mind to always be covered up. It's not for you to decide what a woman wears.

Fair point, but from what he wrote, I got a different impression, but you could be right!

What he wrote is from his perspective. He obviously has issues with her appearance, so he will have a more extreme stance.

He only writes about shirts. Not legs, not short dresses, or inappropriate attire to meet the parents - it makes me think this is relatively innocent and he’s over controlling.

Controlling. Not "protective".

 

If you feel the need to tell your partner what to do, it's time to check yourself.

 

If you want a woman who always dresses modestly, there are cultures that adhere to that. You can choose a woman from one of those cultures. Or, choose a woman who has made up her own mind to always be covered up. It's not for you to decide what a woman wears.

Hmmm, covered up versus your cleavage/breasts hanging out of your blouse.

I think there's a happy medium in there somewhere.

Personally speaking, I often wear very low cut blouses and dresses with a "bit" of cleavage but the way her BF described, it sounds like his gf is revealing much more than that.

Covered up versus your cleavage/breasts hanging out of your blouse.

 

I think there's a happy medium in there somewhere.

 

Personally speaking, I often wear very low cut blouses and dresses with a "bit" of cleavage but the way her BF described, it sounds like his gf is revealing much more than that.

He literally only says semi revealing clothes of her breasts. By his own admission, it is only semi revealing.

He literally only says semi revealing clothes of her breasts. By his own admission, it is only semi revealing.

Yeah fair point.

OP can you clarify what you mean by "semi-revealing?

A bit of cleavage?

Or half her breasts hanging out of her blouse?

Seen both. Both could be interpreted as "semi-revealing."

Not over protective. You are being controlling!

Hmmm, covered up versus your cleavage/breasts hanging out of your blouse.

 

I think there's a happy medium in there somewhere.

 

Personally speaking, I often wear very low cut blouses and dresses with a "bit" of cleavage but the way her BF described, it sounds like his gf is revealing much more than that.

Even if she is braless and showing 90% of her cleavage, it's still her decision to make.

If he doesn't like it, he can date someone who chooses to dress more modestly.

Even if she is braless and showing 90% of her cleavage, it's still her decision to make.

 

If he doesn't like it, he can date someone who chooses to dress more modestly.

I totally agree! And told him that in my original post.

I'll shut up now, went off topic with my additional conjectures.

My body is just that, my body. I would never make my decision on clothing based on a man's opinion (or woman's, but I'm straight FWIW) unless I asked specifically. I am a grown-a** woman. I do what I want, I wear what I want.

The behavior you describe is controlling. Jealousy is very unattractive, in my humble opinion.

Something you take or leave. My lady can rock a sexy dress but is generally a bit more on the modest end, which is my aesthetic preference. Conversely, I know the Sun would burn out before she could finish her eyeroll if I were to try rocking a muscle shirt in public. We're a fit for each other. If her dress or selfie habits bug you, trying to change her isn't the answer.

I’d call that a bit controlling. If cheating causes a break up it would be a lot easier to get over rather than it being caused by insecurities. Let her be comfortable. Who cares what she’s wearing if she’s going home with you. If you two fight about it and 10 other guys admire it you’re outnumbered.

@ mines, beat me up, but I *do* consider what my BF likes/prefers.

Ultimately it's my decision but I do consider his feelings before deciding.

Now if he preferred I wear a burqa or similar THAT would be something else entirely! lol

He likes when I look sexy and attractive though. Low cut, slight cleavage.

Just not breasts hanging out (not saying OP's gf is doing that), which I wouldn't anyway. Not in public anyway.

I've learned over a lifetime of various relationships that caring about my partner's feelings should not have to include appeasing his insecurity about what I'm wearing (or similar aspects of self-presentation).

If such a thing does matter to him, we are not suited to each other.

Considering my boyfriend's feelings, in a relationship that's suitable for me, would just not have such a concern in the equation. He'd be like, wear whatever the heck you like, more power to it, babe, if you're strutting your stuff!

Different strokes for different folks. It's a lot shakier of a world though, when you're worrying all the time about your partner slipping through your fingers. Not a rock solid basis upon which to build emotional security. And I don't think security is built so much by appeasing someone's insecurities -- it's by overcoming one's insecurities through work on oneself.

No one else can make an insecure person feel secure, but for the most fleeting of moments.