Grandparents set aside as granddaughter canceled to be with friends

My husband and I made plans with all five of our grandchildren to do something special on Presidents Day...touring

a presidential home and then dinner afterwards. One of the granddaughters called to cancel with us because she

got invited to a friend's birthday party. We made these family plans nearly a month ago and this birthday

invite was four days ago. I am deeply hurt that she did this and disappointed that our son and his

wife agreed that she could do this. I believe this could have been a teachable moment for our granddaughter that

she needed to be with us since this has been planned for so longed. We feel "dumped". Am I wrong thinking this way?

She is 15 years old.

She is a teenager. They seldom want to hang with grandparents. They seldom want to hang around with parents let alone grandparents . It is time to be realistic. Think back to when you were 15 .

Thank you for your comment. I understand that teens don't want to hang with their grandparents, but this

was a special day for all five of them and they are only two and three years apart. I think that EVEN teens

need to respect their parents and grandparents and plans should be adhered to. All was a go three days

ago. Possibly, there isn't a right answer to this. It is the emotional attachment where thinking may be

different. Going forward, we'll suggest only and have our grandchildren tell us this is really something

they'd like to do. What we like they probably wouldn't...Presidents day to go to a presidential home seemed

interesting and educational PLUS a nice dinner. I'd been thrilled even at 15. I loved being with my grandparents

and miss them every day. Today, children seem to have too much and are spoiled.

They should have put their foot down. She is a teenager, but a commitment had been made. It is time for her to learn some valuable life lessons.

There are many times when new plans are offered, but if I have a commitment to others, I follow through with the original plans. The parents were wrong. Kids are way too entitled these days.

I miss my grandparents too, they left my life far too early . One set was gone by the time I was 13 and we lived 4000 km away from the other set so needless to say my grandparents were not in my life in a big way. I left their sphere when I was 4 years old.

But at 15 friends are more important than almost anyone . It’s just a part of development .

Well, I as her parent would have insisted that she go to the planned event. It was rude of your g-daughter and your son to let her cancel on you to go to another event made just days ago.

Now, that being said... don't let her rudeness fester and put a wedge between all of you. Life is too short.

Have you mentioned that what she did was insensitive and rude? If so, what did he have to say about it?

Does this grandchild in question not have a very close relationship with you in general or was this just a one off diss?

Thank you for your comment Holly...this is exactly how I felt. My granddaughter's mother gives into her most

of the time and I told my son last evening that this could have been a teachable moment. I'm glad someone

agrees with me. We are NOT overbearing grandparents but I see in today's world that children aren't learning

important life skills and respect is one of them. I fault the parents...back in the day we wouldn't have allowed

this to happen and our children would have honored the first invitation.

I miss my grandparents too, they left my life far too early . One set was gone by the time I was 13 and we lived 4000 km away from the other set so needless to say my grandparents were not in my life in a big way. I left their sphere when I was 4 years old.

 

But at 15 friends are more important than almost anyone . It’s just a part of development .

Yes. But, it doesn't matter. We can't always do what we want to do. I wish life were that easy. The parents are setting a bad precedent.

Thank you for your comment Holly...this is exactly how I felt. My granddaughter's mother gives into her most

of the time and I told my son last evening that this could have been a teachable moment. I'm glad someone

agrees with me. We are NOT overbearing grandparents but I see in today's world that children aren't learning

important life skills and respect is one of them. I fault the parents...back in the day we wouldn't have allowed

this to happen and our children would have honored the first invitation.

Same for me. Kids need to learn responsibility.

Yes. But, it doesn't matter. We can't always do what we want to do. I wish life was that easy. The parents are setting a bad precedent.

Do you want her to resent going with you or happy to see you? You could mention that your feelings were hurt .

Do you want her to resent going with you or happy to see you? You could mention that your feelings were hurt .

C'mon. This is a family event. All of the other kids are going, and so should she.

Should she get her way every time? No rules??? This is why kids are such a mess today . No responsibility.

However ,I do know when my mother has tried to “school me“ about how I should raise my child that just makes me tune her out like Charlie Brown’s teacher . As I already know how to raise a perfectly respectable human being . It is just different because my son is not me and I am not her . My son wasn’t born in the 60s he was born in the 90s .

Just go by saying that your feelings were hurt and let them do what they’re going to do about that . Because the minute you start attacking people turn their ears off and can’t be bothered and resent hearing from you.

Thank you for your comment ThatwasThen and appreciate your answer. I spoke with my DIL Sunday

morning after listening to my granddaughters voice message Saturday evening. I told DIL that I was

disappointed and hurt. Her answer back was "well, she doesn't see some of the girls as they go to

different schools" so it was a round about way of coming up with an answer of sorts. Last evening I

spoke with my son who also was dismissive and angry that his sister (my daughter) texted him and told

him that they were wrong in allowing this. I believe she used some strong words since her daughter was

one of the five and was also disappointed. Dynamics aren't always good between the two siblings. I am

not about to hold grudges or bad feelings. But, for once, I did share my feelings with them. Usually, I

hold everything in as I am a peacemaker. I'm thinking that sometimes this isn't good to not be truthful.

This doesn't happen often and we have a good relationship with all of our GC. And, we only try and do

get togethers with the GC a few times a year like take them to movies and lunch or something like that.

Because he was born in the 90s, he should not have responsibility or follow through on his word? The generation has no bearing, these are things that are timeless.

Bottom line, they are raising their daughter to be an entitlement princess who gets what she wants, when she wants it and they are doing it at the expense of the grand parents feelings. It was inappropriate IMHO and I wouldn't have allowed my daughter to skip out on a planned event that all the other grandchildren would be attending.

Because he was born in the 90s, he should not have responsibility or follow through on his word? The generation has no bearing, these are things that are timeless.

Of course he does. I’m not going to be badgered into changing my opinion . And you already know I’ve raised a perfectly respectable human being to adulthood .

Thank you for your comment ThatwasThen and appreciate your answer. I spoke with my DIL Sunday

morning after listening to my granddaughters voice message Saturday evening. I told DIL that I was

disappointed and hurt. Her answer back was "well, she doesn't see some of the girls as they go to

different schools" so it was a round about way of coming up with an answer of sorts. Last evening I

spoke with my son who also was dismissive and angry that his sister (my daughter) texted him and told

him that they were wrong in allowing this. I believe she used some strong words since her daughter was

one of the five and was also disappointed. Dynamics aren't always good between the two siblings. I am

not about to hold grudges or bad feelings. But, for once, I did share my feelings with them. Usually, I

hold everything in as I am a peacemaker. I'm thinking that sometimes this isn't good to not be truthful.

This doesn't happen often and we have a good relationship with all of our GC. And, we only try and do

get togethers with the GC a few times a year like take them to movies and lunch or something like that.

You should’ve gone directly to your granddaughter with this not her parents and not your other children . Because now it’s a big ole family rigmarole .

Of course he does. I’m not going to be badgered into changing my opinion . And you already know I’ve raised a perfectly respectable human being to adulthood .

You have. But, I do not agree with allowing kids to do whatever they want. They should fulfill promises.

You have. But, I do not agree with allowing kids to do whatever they want. They should fulfill promises.

Well this should’ve been addressed with the granddaughter not everybody but the granddaughter . Because now it’s a big ole mess.

we only try and do get togethers with the GC a few times a year like take them to movies and lunch or something like that.

Do you make one-on-one plans with each grandchild? When she canceled, did she suggest another time when she could meet with you? Was she included in the planning of this President's Day event?

I think that was rude of her as you had already made these plans a month ago as a special family day. I think you should tell her (if you haven't already) that your feelings were hurt that she broke solid plans with you for the friend's party that came up. I mean, as a teenager, I'm sure that the friend's party seemed like more fun, but she shouldn't have broken her plans with her grandparents and cousins.

You are right on Holly. Mom doesn't want to parent...more wants a friendship due to GD being bullied a lot

when she was in elementary school. Now, mom wants her to be popular...reason, I believe, she allowed her

to go to BD party...makes her happier. I'm kind of assuming here, but see the signs. I keep quiet...can't

parent a DIL that is for sure. I learned this long ago. Some MIL's are very fortunate with their DIL's since

they parent properly. What I do fear is that my GD will never learn what is important and become an adult

that mostly gets her way. Not good. I'm 72 and old fashioned...but life was better in years past. We respected

our parents and GP's and TEACHERS! And, police officers and other's opinions. We behaved and we had

consequences. And, we became fairly nice folks.

I'm not your age but I really think that teens of every era could be troublemakers, not respectful, etc... So I don't think it's something unique to your granddaughter or friends of her era. I'm sure if you think back on your own teenage years, you can think of times you weren't very respectful or maybe some of your friends or classmates who weren't.

Does your granddaughter ask for money or favors? Because I'd probably cut down on those if she isn't willing to get together.

Hi Seraphim...thanks for your comment. Where do you live...Canada...wish you were my neighbor. The older

folks have moved and young ones have moved in. They hardly take time to wave to us. Very different in

today's world. Trouble is, they have no idea that I'm a young "oldie" and one of my best friends is 92!!! We've

known each other for 45 years. I get along with anyone at any age. Makes life interesting. They learn and I

have mentoring qualities. And, they could make me feel younger. Wish they realized this.

You are right on Holly. Mom doesn't want to parent...more wants a friendship due to GD being bullied a lot

when she was in elementary school. Now, mom wants her to be popular...reason, I believe, she allowed her

to go to BD party...makes her happier. I'm kind of assuming here, but see the signs. I keep quiet...can't

parent a DIL that is for sure. I learned this long ago. Some MIL's are very fortunate with their DIL's since

they parent properly. What I do fear is that my GD will never learn what is important and become an adult

that mostly gets her way. Not good. I'm 72 and old fashioned...but life was better in years past. We respected

our parents and GP's and TEACHERS! And, police officers and other's opinions. We behaved and we had

consequences. And, we became fairly nice folks.

You are right. The parents are responsible for this. They are not doing her any favors.

I wish my grandparents were still around!