Online friendship to real life?

Interested to hear your perspectives. As I've written I met many men through dating sites in real life. And I was really strict about safety -meeting in public place etc. So I am now on Facebook and part of a number of parenting groups. In one in particular I struck up a private messaging exchange with a mom. We have a lot in common and decided we should meet -either alone or with our kids(we have boys about the same age, young). We're supposed to meet next weekend for lunch and a movie.

She seems great -we've been texting a lot etc. We don't seem to know anyone in common. Today she offered to pick us up at the train station next weekend and also suggested lunch at her home. I'd recently had a conversation with my mother -who is not in the Internet or on social media - and she had expressed concern about my safety measures when, for example I've potentially arranged to sell some baby items or when I meet women I've only met through Facebook groups (I have for lunch in public!). When this woman asked me about the car/home arrangement I realized I should not do that -especially not with my child. Also where I live now I'd have to ask whether they keep guns in the house which is awkward especially since we've never met.

Have any of you been in this situation? Do you think it's basically analogous, safety-wise- to on line dating? I think it will be fine in this particular case but it made me wonder. (Hopefully the worst case scenario is she'll do a sales pitch for her MLM pursuits -so far no but I wouldn't be surprised LOL).

Thank you.

I wouldn't do this, as you do not know her or who she is involved with— Especially, with your kids. I would meet up at a public place.

As a woman, I would not go to any strangers home.

I wouldn't do that. Especially, with your kids. I would meet up at a public place.

Yes thanks. I didn't want to say that to her (as I would have to a man) so I just said that maybe next time, and this time we'll meet for lunch/movie out where we can get to by public transportation.

Yes. Unfortunately, we can't thrust anyone these days. :(

Yes. Unfortunately, we can't thrust anyone these days. :(

It's just not as knee jerk for me as online dating sites. I actually did have someone come here with her son some years ago, first time we met, but if I remember we knew of the same people and the online group was much smaller and more specific. It was more than fine but looking back I am surprised it didn't occur to me.

I wouldn't get in the car with her, either.

I would not get in a car with her. You dont know her, so why would you consider doing that, especially with a child in tow? Meet in a public place at least a few times til you get a better handle on who she is.

I've been close friends fir a long time with a lady I first met online well over 12 years ago. She lives in the next state. After a couple years and quite a deal if telephone conversations, I invited her to stay at my home for a holiday - that was after about 6 years. It was just great! One if these days, I will get about driving the distance to her place. I would love her to come stay again, but she has her own business now and works 6 days a week.

I will say that over many years, there has been the odd person who seemed OK initially, but after messaging, emailing over a period of time, I didn't want to stay in contact fir various reasons.

I would not get in a car with her. You dont know her, so why would you consider doing that, especially with a child in tow? Meet in a public place at least a few times til you get a better handle on who she is.

Yes. Totally agree. It’s different when we know the same people - she seems lovely and I’ll know after we meet a few times what the deal is. As I wrote I was not comfortable getting in her car the first time.

One of my online friends and I met for the first time at her wedding a dozen years ago lol.

When this woman asked me about the car/home arrangement I realized I should not do that -especially not with my child. Also where I live now I'd have to ask whether they keep guns in the house which is awkward especially since we've never met.

This is someone who is planning to rob you. Big NOPE.

This is someone who is planning to rob you. Big NOPE.

That I am sure is not a risk at all based on the group we are in on Facebook and who she is and what I know about her and who she knows. And she readily agreed to our plan to meet for lunch and a movie.

OMG - guns!!! Of course some people in Australia have guns too but much harder. My answer is so different to everyone else's maybe because I don't live in USA

OMG - guns!!! Of course some people in Australia have guns too but much harder. My answer is so different to everyone else's maybe because I don't live in USA

Where I live now it's been suggested to ask. So far I've never been to someone's home where I knew they had them but I haven't always asked. From now on I would unless he'd be with me or my husband the whole time. It's awkward!

That's hard for me to get my head around. There are people in the town who I wouldn't visit at their homes, not because of guns but because they are big drinkers. In fact, Zi don't visit many people at their homes or invite to mine. Mostly that's because me living on my win and being busy, my place can get a bit untidy and I fell embarrassed if it is not near perfect. We do have some really nice Cafes which is where I mostly meet up with people.

That's hard for me to get my head around. There are people in the town who I wouldn't visit at their homes, not because of guns but because they are big drinkers. In fact, Zi don't visit many people at their homes or invite to mine. Mostly that's because me living on my win and being busy, my place can get a bit untidy and I fell embarrassed if it is not near perfect. We do have some really nice Cafes which is where I mostly meet up with people.

Yes- for me the issue is my child -I'd feel differently if I was going to someone's home without my child.

I'd definitely meet the first time (or few) in a public place, whether you're alone, or taking your child. I have heard of cases where FB (and other social media) profiles have been faked. (not saying this person's has been....) but predators (looking to steal a child, for example) could make a profile easily with fake photos. It happens every day on dating sites. I know what I'm saying is extreme, but as a mom (and I'm also a mom) it's better to be cautious. Only my opinion.

And for other practical reasons, when my girls were small, I always preferred having independent transportation, and meeting a girlfriend/her kids somewhere. If one of her kids (or mine) had a melt-down or got tired/cranky, it was easier to bail without having make everyone leave. That is also a good excuse for meeting without driving together. Hope it goes well for you!!!

I'd definitely meet the first time (or few) in a public place, whether you're alone, or taking your child. I have heard of cases where FB (and other social media) profiles have been faked. (not saying this person's has been....) but predators (looking to steal a child, for example) could make a profile easily with fake photos. It happens every day on dating sites. I know what I'm saying is extreme, but as a mom (and I'm also a mom) it's better to be cautious. Only my opinion.

 

And for other practical reasons, when my girls were small, I always preferred having independent transportation, and meeting a girlfriend/her kids somewhere. If one of her kids (or mine) had a melt-down or got tired/cranky, it was easier to bail without having make everyone leave. That is also a good excuse for meeting without driving together. Hope it goes well for you!!!

Yes! Actually it's true about the meltdown - he is almost 9 so no real meltdowns in that sense - but it's more that if he doesn't get along with the other boy for some odd reason we may need an exit plan. Also I told her that his shelf life at restaurants is around an hour so hanging out for much longer might not be the best (again no melt down just fidgety/restless - he likes to be active and not into sitting at the table and chatting). She had to be vetted to be on this facebook group and I've met the moderator in person and know her but you are right, still.

Thank you!!

I'd stick to my private rule about meeting strangers in public, never in private or accepting rides. That spares you from trying to read teal leaves about any particular online person, especially charming ones.

I'd just convert the meeting into a thing you need to do on her end of the train, such as an errand or a visit to something special. She can either meet you at the special thing and do it together, or you can meet her in the most convenient public place near the train so that you can stay close to your errand and run it afterward. You don't need to explain the errand--keep an arm's length of privacy--but then you can enjoy meeting this woman and enjoy yourself without any further consideration of the bad stuff we all get warned about.

EnjOy!

I'd stick to my private rule about meeting strangers in public, never in private or accepting rides. That spares you from trying to read teal leaves about any particular online person, especially charming ones.

 

I'd just convert the meeting into a thing you need to do on her end of the train, such as an errand or a visit to something special. She can either meet you at the special thing and do it together, or you can meet her in the most convenient public place near the train so that you can stay close to your errand and run it afterward. You don't need to explain the errand--keep an arm's length of privacy--but then you can enjoy meeting this woman and enjoy yourself without any further consideration of the bad stuff we all get warned about.

 

EnjOy!

Thanks to you and all! I took it to heart and reminded myself that the moderator on one of my facebook groups was recently removed and it was for reasons that shocked me since I'd met her a few times in person, and spoken with her several times. Thank you.

Update! We did the public meeting arrangement. She and her son are lovely and we all got along great. She texted me in advance that it felt like getting ready for a blind date LOL and I felt the same.

I might in the future have a "play date" with our kids at her house but she told me they do keep guns in the house and that would be a first time situation for me with a child - how to approach that subject etc. Luckily she also wants to bring her son to our neighborhood because we live right down the block from a gorgeous park. That is probably a better idea. She did do a low pressure sales pitch for the skin care products she sells and backed off quickly when I told her it wasn't my thing but that I'd certainly refer her to friends who were in the market for that.

All in all a good experience and my second meet this week (the first was without kids, for lunch).

That's great Bataya

Thank you! Not the easiest to make new friends and I certaintly don’t focus on meeting other moms but when it comes to Facebook most of my groups are parent related. Thanks again everyone

It is better to meet in a public place and not take any chances. She could turn out to be a wonderful individual that you find very trustworthy, but

until you feel more comfortable and know more about her, it is best for you and your children to play it safe.

It is better to meet in a public place and not take any chances. She could turn out to be a wonderful individual that you find very trustworthy, but

until you feel more comfortable and know more about her, it is best for you and your children to play it safe.

Yes, that is what we did and yes it worked out just fine -thank you!

I belong to several local (as in VERY local - my town) parenting groups on FB. Some of the moms, I met first at playgroups or playgrounds and then we connected in the FB groups; others, I met in the groups and then we met in real life. There is a very strong sense of community in the parenting network where I live, and everyone knows at least a few of the other moms in the groups.

I also sell or give away stuff Alex is done with on FB marketplace. In those cases, because we currently live in a condo complex, I give only the building we live in to the buyers - then my hubby goes down and meets them. We're about to start looking for a house, and I think I will probably make other arrangements once we buy one - I don't feel safe giving my address out.