Depressed after breakup with abusive ex.

Hi, I'd appreciate it if you'd read the whole post. I'm in a really bad place right now and need some advice. Thank you..

If you had read my old posts, you know I was in an emotionally/mentally abusive relationship with a narcissist for 2 years. I left him about 3 months ago. It was really hard to do but at the same time he also made it easy for me. He cheated multiple times in the relationship, and the very last time he ended up giving me an STD which was the end for me. I should have walked away a lot sooner, I know. He was very good at manipulating and controlling me and other people, exes, etc into getting what he wants.

Anyway, after I left him he stuck around for about 3 weeks, begging, pleading, and crying for another chance. I was completely done and eventually he accepted it (he said). After the 3 weeks, he had sex with my best friend.. who is now no longer my friend. I was so angry at both of them and how he had no remorse for it whatsoever. My friend had an STD that is forever with you & he knew about it but slept with her anyway. The day after, he contacted me trying to beg for me back again, but I said no. (this was before I found out they slept with eachother). It makes me feel so much rage that he would try and be with me right after he was with my best friend. When I found out, that was the last time I spoke to him.

A few weeks went by and I felt very depressed. I was binge-eating, crying ALOT, and feeling totally broken. I decided to pick myself up and focus on getting better. I joined my gym again and have been going 5 days a week. I have lost 22lbs so far since the new year. I stopped over-eating and now I eat a lot healthier.

I found out that he now has a new girlfriend. They started dating about 2 weeks after he had sex with my friend. I'm not hurt by the fact he has someone new, I'm mad because he doesn't deserve a girlfriend and I wish she can see through his bull. He is going to abuse her too just like he has to all of his girlfriends. Seeing them together on social media definitely made me go back a few steps.

I feel depressed again and completely alone.. I quit my job a week after the breakup because I would cry in the bathroom every night I was there, I wanted to give up. I have no income. I'm 23 years old and I'm also not in college. I want to go get an education but my self-esteem is so low at the moment that I feel I will fail at anything I try. I don't want to get a job again until I'm out of this dark moment. I have one friend.. she's always with her boyfriend so I barely see her. I live with my mom and have no other family at all. I sit around my room at night and cry because I feel so alone and scared. I feel I have no security in my life and I'm starting to feel hopeless.

I have this fear now that I will never trust another guy ever again or even a friend. I feel I cannot make connections with new people. I want friends I can feel comfortable around or be myself around, but I fear I will never find any. I'm totally isolating myself at the moment. I'm awake all night with all of this anxiety and then I sleep all day, wasting the day away. I want to snap out of this depression. I want to feel good about myself and live a happy and positive life with good people around me. All I think about is him and what he did to me. He tore me down and now I am left to pick up the pieces.

Has anyone gone through this after an abusive relationship? Or any type of relationship? I don't want to feel like I'm gonna be miserable forever. :(

Yes, I have felt like this. Reading your post and thinking back, I realize I was ALREADY feeling low. I already didn't trust myself. I already was off my path, in terms of education/employment performance. I already was in that bad place. That is why I picked such a lopsided relationship, and that is why he picked me. It brought those issues to the foreground, as it did with you, and that is a good thing. Now you see the parts of yourself that were hiding behind your night job. They are out in the open begging for you to take action.

It is time. Start school. You don't have to finish. You just have to keep going. Put a degree in your mind, way out on the foggy horizon. Start walking towards it. That is all you have to do.

Recognize that you WILL trust yourself. This man didn't do this to you. He didn't have as much power as you think. You were standing on a weak foundation before you met him. Why?

Build trust IN YOURSELF slowly. Make a list in the morning of things to do that day, and get them done. Start with an easy list. Give yourself time to think, learn about yourself. Read about psychology. Exercise of course (good job). Think about your childhood.

You will not fail. Don't worry.

Your life is still ahead of you.

Don't let any bad people drag you down.

I wish I could cuss but every time I do.. it disappears. Anyways ..

Let me just say, FORK him and FORK that stupid ho best friend of yours.

Look grl, you’re not alone and you have a bright future in front you. Let’s make that happen and show your ex and best friend that you’re happy and you don’t need them in your life. Sometimes the people we love and care about the most can screw us over with out hesitation. But remember that it’s a good thing because thank jesus that happened because those ppl were not good ppl to begin with. It’s better to find out now than later. Your best friend was never your best friend and your stupid ex is a piece of shiz. Don’t ever doubt yourself and don’t ever let someone treat you like garbage because you deserve the best. Don’t let these ppl take advantage of you. Be strong and if they want to come back to your life, you let me them know that your happy, confident and that you moved on. Even if you have to fake it. Because honestly these ppl that hurt you the most wants you to be weak and wants you to forgive and forget. Don’t let them win. It’s their loss anyways. Give yourself a chance to be happy and move on to something better. Go and get a job and an education. Whenever your world falls apart, you’ll have a degree and you’ll have a job that will take care of you when you need it the most. Put yourself first and kick these toxic ppl out of your life.

I hope you get better. I believe in you.