His ex still uses his Netflix account

Should he remove his exes Netflix access?

Background:

Was dating a guy and made plans to have a baby with the agreement I would be the primary caretaker. He then moved interstate for work.

I drove 6 hours to see him and tell him my pregnancy news but I arrived to find open condom wrappers beside his bed yet he was talking about having me move in w him when the baby was born.

We left on bad terms and I waited for him to reach out and make amends.

Instead, he happily continued dating probably this same person and before I know it he is telling me he has “met someone” and is in a relationship and made no effort to reconcile.

I had the loneliest and saddest pregnancy ever.

Of course his dalliance fizzled meanwhile after much thought plus counselling I agreed to have him be at the baby shower and birth.

Things took off amazingly well from here. Lots of time together, sharing the joy our baby brings, we’ve met each others families and shared xmas etc together, he makes regular trips and I stay with him for weeks at a time. His mum has come and stayed with me - he has gone above and beyond - it’s all happy families because of this baby.

It hasn’t been easy for me in some aspects. There are always reminders of this “other woman” and I get super angry.

Every time he turns on Netflix I see his own account, another girl friends account, his mums account and this girls account. The dirty nickname he has given her account indicates she was a tart.

I’ve made it clear I am not thrilled about it. This week I’ve asked him if he has deleted it yet and he was like “What? No!”

Yesterday I explained that seeing her “name” every time he turns on the TV is a reminder of everything and it makes me angry.

He hasn’t done anything about it or said he would do anything about it.

He could at least change it to say “guest access” instead of her dirty name.

Should I outright ask him to delete her account?

Am I out of line here?

You were dating a guy and made plans to get pregnant while not even actually committed in anyway and you're still not committed in much of a way but you're worried about who is on his Netflix account? If you play your cards right, you'll bump her when/if you and he break up.

I was going to say yeah he should remove her from his netflix account until i seen "

Was dating a guy and made plans to have a baby with the agreement I would be the primary caretaker"

What kind of plan was this? Im more concerned for the baby than either of you and the netflix account. Before i make assumptions can u explain this?

Thatwasthen

We’ve been involved for 3.5 years (apart from during my pregnancy) and now have a child together. Still physically involved every time we meet, just spent Vday together.

So yes, it bothers me that this person is still getting priority in any way shape or form when it’s over between them.

Sonar40

It’s always going to be long distance due to the nature of his work. He visits twice a month and I go there once a month. He would have liked me to move along with him everywhere but I won’t.

I still say don't rock the Netflix boat. You can't expect to stay on his account if you make him take off an ex's should you two break up. It's his account and like I said, you two are likely not even exclusive since you found empty condom wrappers during one of your surprise travels to see him.

I’m not on his account at all.

He doesn’t have a profile for me.

It’s not like I want a profile though, just bugs me seeing this “tart” name every time.

He has profiles for a female friend, his mum and this ex. Not me.

Thatwasthen

 

We’ve been involved for 3.5 years (apart from during my pregnancy) and now have a child together. Still physically involved every time we meet, just spent Vday together.

 

So yes, it bothers me that this person is still getting priority in any way shape or form when it’s over between them.

I think you're out of line because who he has on his netflix account is minor while custody of his child is huge. And you just asked for full custody before pregnancy. If you're taking the baby, why does it matter which additional account he has on Netflix? I'm picturing Rumplestiltskin getting to take the firstborn and then he pauses and says "Hey, can you delete that other profile off of Netflix too? I just don't like it."

Is a committed relationship possible with this person?

Mari,

Yes, apart from that work romance of his, we work well together. Long distance is working well too.

I sublet my apartment a couple years ago and gave them access to my Netflix. She's still using it. I don't even know if there's a cap, but if there is, it's like 5 users. It doesn't bother me.

Mari,

 

Yes, apart from that work romance of his, we work well together. Long distance is working well too.

That's great to hear! It's not a big deal if he has people using his netflix account. It's more important that he's a good father to your baby. This long distance is probably going to need to stop if he's to be there with the baby. It wouldn't bother me if he kept it or deleted it. But it does bother you and that's up to you two. It'd probably bother me more if he was seeing the person outside of work and that can't be determined by his netflix account. As far as the account goes, he could simply rename it to appease you.

Thankfully she was relocated. They all move around a lot for work. So I hope it’s totally over now.

Once we started talking again he told me he regretted not being there for me (during pregnancy) but does not regret being there for her (her mum was sick). So he probably doesn’t want to upset her either. But is upsetting me with the reminders.

It’s bizarre to me that suddenly we have to consider this “intruder” at all when I have been around for 3.5 years.

Yes, he’s a great dad with a great family.

His mum contacts me everyday and sends gifts, makes the baby frozen fruit and vegetables.

I catch up with his sisters and so my child will know his cousins too.

The long distance can’t stop unless he changes careers. There are plenty of fly in fly out families.

Sonar40

 

It’s always going to be long distance due to the nature of his work. He visits twice a month and I go there once a month. He would have liked me to move along with him everywhere but I won’t.

But why would you make agreements to have a baby with someone long distance you're not even living with? And if you just wanted him to have sex and have the baby why do you care if his ex uses his netflix account? I'm confused but maybe I didn't interpret right?

But why would you make agreements to have a baby with someone long distance you're not even living with? And if you just wanted him to have sex and have the baby why do you care if his ex uses his netflix account? I'm confused but maybe I didn't interpret right?

It wasn’t even sex.

He can’t have kids naturally so we had to do IVF.

We were dating, we both wanted kids but with the nature of his work it’s hard for him to have stability. He moves around a lot for work - 1000% uncertainty every day and I won’t leave my job and family. So we agreed I’ll stay put and be primary caretaker. When I was pregnant he kept asking me to move in but that doesn’t work for me.

He is as involved as he can be and he’s doing great.

So no I didn’t “just want the baby”. We are physically involved every time I see him. We’ve been on lots of vacations, share the same bed, he’s bought me lots of presents, always fixing things at my house and coming to family events.

So this work romance is in the past but every time he turns on his Tv I see her profile.

I haven’t been given a profile. I have to use his one. I don’t want my own profile but he could change hers to say “Guest account” at least instead of the dirty nickname he gave her.

But are you two in a committed relationship? Will he ever move closer or change his life to be more present in the child's life? Are there future plans to end the situation or it's ok to continue forever like this? Does he like it this way of prioritising the career and simply sending money and seeing the child once in a while? I don't know, there are many ways of making a family work so maybe I'm just not seeing things well, but maybe work things out in this relationship (?) is more important than an ex using his account. There seem to be deeper issues in this relationship. Or do you not trust him and think he will cheat on you (supposing you two are in a committed relationship at this point)?

But are you two in a committed relationship? Will he ever move closer or change his life to be more present in the child's life? Are there future plans to end the situation or it's ok to continue forever like this? Does he like it this way of prioritising the career and simply sending money and seeing the child once in a while? I don't know, there are many ways of making a family work so maybe I'm just not seeing things well, but maybe work things out in this relationship (?) is more important than an ex using his account. There seem to be deeper issues in this relationship. Or do you not trust him and think he will cheat on you (supposing you two are in a committed relationship at this point)?

Yes, I have said to him, if he wants to be physically involved with me, he cannot under any circumstances be with anyone else and he needs to be honest from now on. I'm giving him a massive second chance so he better be honest from now on. He agreed and said he wants to be in our lives. So I guess he is on a trial run for now.

There's a good chance he can move back to where we are and if not, be 3 hours away. Otherwise, he will be overseas for 1 year - then who knows. We just have to wait and see what he gets offered in the next 2 months. Then once he has the options in front of him, it's up to him to decide what's more important.

He misses the child every time we leave but it's working as well as can be.

I sublet my apartment a couple years ago and gave them access to my Netflix. She's still using it. I don't even know if there's a cap, but if there is, it's like 5 users. It doesn't bother me.

hmmm in that case he could make me one too :)

Although minor in the grand scheme of things, this Netflix thing would really bother me. She's supposed to be an ex, you are the one in the current relationship and you should be the priority. I don't think it's at all unreasonable that you should not want to be reminded of his ex's dirty nickname every time you turn the TV on. You can't demand that he removes it and adds you instead, but it's a reasonable request and one which, if he cares about you, he shouldn't really have an issue with. Netflix doesn't cost a bomb - if his ex wants it that badly she can pay for her own.

Although minor in the grand scheme of things, this Netflix thing would really bother me. She's supposed to be an ex, you are the one in the current relationship and you should be the priority. I don't think it's at all unreasonable that you should not want to be reminded of his ex's dirty nickname every time you turn the TV on. You can't demand that he removes it and adds you instead, but it's a reasonable request and one which, if he cares about you, he shouldn't really have an issue with. Netflix doesn't cost a bomb - if his ex wants it that badly she can pay for her own.

Thanks Poorlittlefish, you understand where I am coming from with this.

He will be back in a few weeks and will log into my TV with his Netflix account - no doubt the name will be waving in my face again - so I may wait until then to bring it up again.

? Your main concern is some woman's name on his NetFlix account? Wow...he cheated on you, you saw the condom wrappers. You made a plan to have a baby with this guy with no real direction? I think your priorities are skewed.

Why dont you just go into the settings on NetFlix and change her name to something that won't bother you???

It wasn’t even sex.

 

He can’t have kids naturally so we had to do IVF.

 

We were dating, we both wanted kids but with the nature of his work it’s hard for him to have stability. He moves around a lot for work - 1000% uncertainty every day and I won’t leave my job and family. So we agreed I’ll stay put and be primary caretaker. When I was pregnant he kept asking me to move in but that doesn’t work for me.

 

He is as involved as he can be and he’s doing great.

 

So no I didn’t “just want the baby”. We are physically involved every time I see him. We’ve been on lots of vacations, share the same bed, he’s bought me lots of presents, always fixing things at my house and coming to family events.

 

So this work romance is in the past but every time he turns on his Tv I see her profile.

 

I haven’t been given a profile. I have to use his one. I don’t want my own profile but he could change hers to say “Guest account” at least instead of the dirty nickname he gave her.

So you really don't have a relationship - you have sex when you see him, but he is basically a sperm donor. That's really rotten to "plan" for your child to have a long distance father. its one thing if something doesn't work out, but your child will be potentially angry when older that they were conceived for selfish reasons and not because his parents met, fell in love and decided to create a family out of that love ---- it was strictly transactional. I think you should not worry about his Netflix account. you have bigger fish to fry. If you don't both want to commit to eachother and be a family and someone moves to do so -- then you have to accept that if he has other women in other ports, then that is what it is. What happens when he decides he would really love to have a wife and that kind of romantic relationship? You will be out in the cold while he finds someone who wants him and not his sperm - maybe i am being harsh == but to me, you have no right to nitpick about this. I'd be more concerned about my child and wanting my child to live near his father if not make a family with him instead of this selfish arrangement

? Your main concern is some woman's name on his NetFlix account? Wow...he cheated on you, you saw the condom wrappers. You made a plan to have a baby with this guy with no real direction? I think your priorities are skewed.

Well that’s very presumptuous of you. We went over everything with a counsellor prior to going ahead with our arrangement. IVF is not a spur of the moment situation either. Years of discussion, planning, thinking, talking went into it and unfortunately he did the wrong thing by me.

It took a lot to face him again after that and let him back into my life so we will see how it goes. Everyone is loving this kid. He has brought a lot of joy to the families.

? Your main concern is some woman's name on his NetFlix account? Wow...he cheated on you, you saw the condom wrappers. You made a plan to have a baby with this guy with no real direction? I think your priorities are skewed.

So you really don't have a relationship - you have sex when you see him, but he is basically a sperm donor. That's really rotten to "plan" for your child to have a long distance father. its one thing if something doesn't work out, but your child will be potentially angry when older that they were conceived for selfish reasons and not because his parents met, fell in love and decided to create a family out of that love ---- it was strictly transactional. I think you should not worry about his Netflix account. you have bigger fish to fry. If you don't both want to commit to eachother and be a family and someone moves to do so -- then you have to accept that if he has other women in other ports, then that is what it is. What happens when he decides he would really love to have a wife and that kind of romantic relationship? You will be out in the cold while he finds someone who wants him and not his sperm - maybe i am being harsh == but to me, you have no right to nitpick about this. I'd be more concerned about my child and wanting my child to live near his father if not make a family with him instead of this selfish arrangement

So many way off comments here that I can’t be bothered addressing them.