Most Ridiculous Argument

So today is Valentines Day. And today my husband surprised me with a Michael Kors bag. I never owned such an expensive purse let alone a brand name purse. I showed my appreciation and told him how much it meant to me and we went to dinner. Then later in the night he wanted me to post a picture of the purse on social media(this is when it gets stupid) saying that he bought me the purse. I don't really like to brag and especially not on social media. There's nothing wrong with that if you do, my sister does it, cool, but I personally don't .

He is just bothered by how recently his older brothers were giving him crap at work for planning to have a drink with his coworkers after work which I was completely fine with. They just kept nagging at him that whole day like why is he doing that and that he should be spending time with his family and not drinking with coworkers.

He doesn't go get drinks all the time. I let him have his freedom too and if he wants to hang out with coworkers, who I know, for a bit to enjoy himself, I don't mind. He asked me beforehand. It was stupid that his older brothers were giving him crap.

But the dumbest part is that he really let that get to him and won't drop that I didn't want to post a picture of me showing off the purse 'his' way. I ended up posting pictures but in a "comedic" way by having my dog with his paw on a box of chocolates and the purse in the picture. Saying thanks to my dog and husband for the gifts. The way he took it was that I was comparing him to a dog. I told him then take a picture with me and (I know he feels insecure about his weight) but he was just like no you should have just took a picture of the purse.

I'm sorry but this is the most stupidest pathetic argument I ever had, and on Valentine's Day. Am I wrong in any way? Because I don't understand what I did wrong here.

He is acting very whiny and picking at small things to create arguments. I would ask him directly what the real problem is, since the things he's picking fights about are blatantly absurd.

Does he tend to nitpick over minor things when stressed?

What does the part about him having drinks with coworkers after work and his brothers giving him grief have to do with the purse and the photo? I dont see the connection.

I do think he's acting like a big baby for reasons that dont seem obvious to me. He does seem to be picking a fight over nothing.

He is acting very whiny and picking at small things to create arguments. I would ask him directly what the real problem is, since the things he's picking fights about are blatantly absurd.

 

Does he tend to nitpick over minor things when stressed?

This is only my opinion:

Yes, he is being a little naggy and whiney. But, is it so hard to post a v-day pic with you, your guy, and your new purse, just to make him happy? It is such an easy way to make him smile. If you disagree, that's FINE!! Explaining to him that you really appreciate it and no one else has ever made you feel so special might make him feel better. If you are upset that you feel he is controlling, tell him that too! It is all about the way you say something!

Hope this helped at least a little!

Why couldn't you give the guy a break? He did something good and he felt proud of himself and wanted his wife to be proud too and brag about what a good husband he was, so why give him a hard time?

Show off the purse, make him feel loved and appreciated. He really did buy you something very nice. No need for you to bust his back over it and make him feel two feet tall.

Aren't you proud of what he did? Geez, what's a guy gotta do?

Yeah, there's something more going on here. Maybe it's being bullied at work and by his side of the family and he's taking it out on you. It's not fair to you, but something is winding him up. Try asking specific questions about his brother and if people at work are bothering him. You might be able to give him some support if not anything else.

Why couldn't you give the guy a break? He did something good and he felt proud of himself and wanted his wife to be proud too and brag about what a good husband he was, so why give him a hard time?

Show off the purse, make him feel loved and appreciated. He really did buy you something very nice. No need for you to bust his back over it and make him feel two feet tall.

Aren't you proud of what he did? Geez, what's a guy gotta do?

I wouldn't post it on my fb either. I would suggest HE post it on his fb, proud of and enjoying his gift to me. Or I would post a pic with a simple Enjoying VDay with my sweetie and the gift might be visible but unmentioned.

Why does he care to have the validation of a fb audience as proof of his worth or via my post, as proof of my approval? I find that really odd.

I also find it odd that his brothers were teasing him about going out with his colleagues, and even odder that it bothered him so deeply.

Finally... these traits seem consistent with him carrying around extra weight, weight that he is ashamed of.

It seems he has the idea that his worth is indicated by others' approval, and that his brothers withheld and withhold still their unconditional love for him. He may have a lifetime of being bullied by his older brothers, or if not that heavy handed, of being teased, dismissed, hurt, etc.

BUT THIS ABOUT YOU.

I would have posted something less staged, so it is more focused on the pure emotion of being kind. Period. No reason to use humor to deflect. He needs someone to show him he is loved. Your post didn't quite do that.

Check your kwn behavior. How intimate are you? How naked, emotionally?

I guess I just didn't see it as a big deal to post a pic if it made him happy :)

But I do agree that she did not show him much love or make him feel appreciated.

First of all what you post on your social media is your business, not his. If he wants to post pics on his social media, that's his business. Why is he bothering you with whatever his brothers think?

he wanted me to post a picture of the purse on social media. recently his older brothers were giving him crap at work for planning to have a drink with his coworkers after work

I think that most people like to feel appreciated, and some people like to feel shown off by their partners. I love quality handbags, and when I have good ones which are stylish, I use them until they fall apart.

If he's being Whitney or not, I personally would post it, partly to show him it's appreciated.

I am usually a fairly generous person. My last partner was very stingey. I never received a birthday present in 5 years, let alone a Valentines Dsy present despite being a really good partner to him through him having chemotherapy - and recovering from it. His stinginess was just one way he showed me that I was unappreciated and of unworthy to him.

Can I assume you're still in the honeymoon stage?

Even seasoned husbands can say/do stupid things.

You have to teach him your marriage is only about you and him.

Tell him he's the only man in history who ever turned a beautiful purse into a sow's ear.

Don't be afraid to push back on him!

If you don't, the purse will just hang in the closet.

The bedroom closet, or worse, the closet in your head.

Agree. Great way to put it.

Tell him he's the only man in history who ever turned a beautiful purse into a sow's ear.

Well if the present was a gift to you, for you, then it shouldn't matter.

I can't stand strings attached to gifts like that. Throwing a pissy fit because you didn't present your gift to the public the way he wanted you to.

Who the hell cares what other people think?

His obsession about other peoples' opinion yet disregarding his wife's would be annoying if I were in your position.

I bet something else is the root of this if this isn't usual behavior.

Posting pictures of your gifts (especially Christmas presents) is super tacky, childish, and attention grabby. Ewe. Grown ass adults don't do that.

Out of interest, what did you get for him?

Let's remember that like attracts like.

- She said she expressed appreciation.

- He is insecure & wants social affirmation of his gift -- its not just for her, but a way to prove to the men that he takes care of his wife.

- Their boundaries are being challenged, in that he expected her to post to meet his need for affirmation, even though it is not her posting style.

- She DID post, but in a way that was funny, not affirming.

My take:

We have two people who avoid intimacy (i don't mean sex) in their relationship, and are at risk of developing codependent patterns. Why do I say this?

- His request that she post on her page to meet his need for social affirmation. He ignored her posting style.

- She requested a couple pic knowing he is ashamed of his looks - she ignored his posting style. When she posted, it lacked the softness that he was looking for. She never became vulnerable, nor trusted him enough to at least validate his feelings.

Both of them put their emotional needs first, before the needs of the relationship. He seeking validation and making it her problem, she by not caring about his underlying pain while appearing to accommodate him, thereby protecting herself from emotional involvement while making herself look like the good guy.

OP:You are with a man with some deep seated insecurities. These aren't flaws. These are traits. Accept him for who he is, today. If you can't do that, leave.

You picked him for a reason, and that is because you have your own fear of being inadequate when in relationship. You may feel competent everywhere else in life, but not with men. Am I right? It may be hard to see, butI promiae you, any shortcoming you see in your partner is present in you in some way.

Focus on your own emotional/psychological health. It might help you find a way to love your husband more gently, while still having boundaries that protect you from adopting his problems as your own.

I wouldn't post it on my fb either. I would suggest HE post it on his fb, proud of and enjoying his gift to me. Or I would post a pic with a simple Enjoying VDay with my sweetie and the gift might be visible but unmentioned.

 

Why does he care to have the validation of a fb audience as proof of his worth or via my post, as proof of my approval? I find that really odd.

 

I also find it odd that his brothers were teasing him about going out with his colleagues, and even odder that it bothered him so deeply.

 

Finally... these traits seem consistent with him carrying around extra weight, weight that he is ashamed of.

 

It seems he has the idea that his worth is indicated by others' approval, and that his brothers withheld and withhold still their unconditional love for him. He may have a lifetime of being bullied by his older brothers, or if not that heavy handed, of being teased, dismissed, hurt, etc.

 

BUT THIS ABOUT YOU.

 

I would have posted something less staged, so it is more focused on the pure emotion of being kind. Period. No reason to use humor to deflect. He needs someone to show him he is loved. Your post didn't quite do that.

 

Check your kwn behavior. How intimate are you? How naked, emotionally?

I would not post it, personally, because it's braggy and you're advertising that your family has enough money for expensive purses -why put that out there?

I would not post it, personally, because it's braggy and you're advertising that your family has enough money for expensive purses -why put that out there?

Exactly right -- it also values the material gift over the kindness of being cared for, and while it is an indulgent gift for the OP, for someone else it is just a seasonal purchase, and for someone else again, a useless form of consumption.

A thing is a thing is a thing. What value one chooses to attach to it is about the person, not the thing.

I do understand and would be equally annoyed at my partner if he insisted I post something he gave me ( or anything really) on social media. He's obviously putting his issues into you there.

However, I do find your response of the 'comedic' post to be somewhat mean/insensitive/ possibly passive aggressive. It's like poking the bear when it's role up- curious why you chose that rather than simply holding your ground on the posting argument and moving on to something else, even enjoying the rest of v day together .

Does he do things like this often or only very occasionally?

Getting my bias out of the way, I've personally never understood expensive purses and, for as much as I poke fun of her for having like ten, I'm fortunate my lady can't bring herself to pay more than like $15 for a functional and decent-looking purse. She'd flip her **** if I got her an expensive bag and insisted on her putting a picture of it up on social media. I may as well tell her to put glitter filter around it and have a big pink "American Princess" in cursive above it.

Conversely, I would have no idea what to do with something like an expensive watch, much less be happy at all to flaunt it on Facebook. I roll my eyes every day at people who do that, so count me out. Unless it's a pet, there's no reason in the world a gift should include additional responsibility for the recipient, and a "thank you" with a kiss would suffice plenty in showing appreciation.

But not as to appear as a total cheerleader, I will say that, if not posting a photo of the purse was indeed a matter of principle for you, you shouldn't have proceeded to humble brag by posting a picture crediting your dog in humor. Not only would not have posting something been consistent with your standards, but it also wouldn't have been a slap to the face-- even if a light one-- to your husband's request. You'd have been much better off explaining that it makes you uncomfortable and sticking to it. You can include a dog paw and even edit in acrylics over its nails, but at the end of the day you've still essentially posted a picture of your Michael Kors bag. I think you kinda shot yourself in the foot.

Additionally, there may be little devils in the details as far how the conversation went. As I said before, I think his request was 100% silly, but there's a difference between a flat "no," and explaining how uncomfortable it would make you while still voicing your appreciation for the gift itself.

Then I also instinctively question underlying dynamics in any relationship where one partner "lets" the other have their freedom or some degree of it. Like another poster, I'd be curious what you got him, if anything. While I'm personally not big into V-Day, much less obligatory gift giving on its own, if it's been stated or implied that you expect gifts from him on such occasions (even if not necessarily a Michael Kors bag), and if it's more or less one-sided whether in terms of cost or effort, I think it kinda invites reciprocated pettiness like we'd see in this scenario. NOT saying that is what's going on here, just grasping at straws for anything that might be worth reflecting on.

To me, social media is stupid. Just a complete, absolute waste of time. But my wife loves it, and loves to brag. That's the thing about social media, it puts pressure on you to put of a facade of how awesome your life is, and everybody does it. To me, I find people gushing over eachother on facebook a red flag that things are not all right with the world. And this has been reinforced by divorces on multiple occasions. On the opposite side, I have other "friends" that depress the hell out of me. Yeah I really don't need to hear about the 1000's of dollars you've spent on your dog's cancer treatment. There is very rarely a happy medium. Either you're bragging, or you're a sympathy solicitor. Rarely anything in between other than inane memes.

Sometimes my wife wants me write some gushing post about her. Like yesterday. I don't care for it, but I do it. Why? Because it takes 1 minute of my time and makes her happy. I'm willing to do dumb things for my wife occasionally, even if it seems out of character for me. I don't wring my hands going "Oh boy somebody might think I'm a braggart, oh what to do?!" as if you're not being judged by tons of other stupid criteria though this vapid medium.

However I do consider it, maybe a new "love language" for the modern age. One I personally don't get, but hey, that's me. I don't need to be right all the time and understand everything.

I would have just taken the picture of you and your purse, and just be done with it. Sometimes you have to pick your battles.

To me, social media is stupid. Just a complete, absolute waste of time. But my wife loves it, and loves to brag. That's the thing about social media, it puts pressure on you to put of a facade of how awesome your life is, and everybody does it. To me, I find people gushing over eachother on facebook a red flag that things are not all right with the world. And this has been reinforced by divorces on multiple occasions. On the opposite side, I have other "friends" that depress the hell out of me. Yeah I really don't need to hear about the 1000's of dollars you've spent on your dog's cancer treatment. There is very rarely a happy medium. Either you're bragging, or you're a sympathy solicitor. Rarely anything in between other than inane memes.

 

Sometimes my wife wants me write some gushing post about her. Like yesterday. I don't care for it, but I do it. Why? Because it takes 1 minute of my time and makes her happy. I'm willing to do dumb things for my wife occasionally, even if it seems out of character for me. I don't wring my hands going "Oh boy somebody might think I'm a braggart, oh what to do?!" as if you're not being judged by tons of other stupid criteria though this vapid medium.

 

However I do consider it, maybe a new "love language" for the modern age. One I personally don't get, but hey, that's me. I don't need to be right all the time and understand everything.

 

I would have just taken the picture of you and your purse, and just be done with it. Sometimes you have to pick your battles.

This was good to read. I think that if 2 people are so at odds over something like this, that maybe they are just not a good match. By ou posted that he works with his family and they have been giving him crap over nothing, and now he is feeling too unwell to go to work. This guy needs to be given a break.

Yep, pretty much the bottom line, incompatible.

They think differently, value different things, show love in different ways, etc.

It just doesn't work.

Yep, pretty much the bottom line, incompatible.

They think differently, value different things, show love in different ways, etc.

It just doesn't work.

I went into a handbag store today, and I think somebody like this could be a good match for me!