Have you ever been left for or monkeybranched for someone else?

If so, what was the result? Did they live happily ever after with that person? Did they come back? Have they ever lied to you about it as well? My ex told me he was moving out of state in a few months...that was a lie. He had a new gf within 3-4 weeks.

Also, why do you believe they do this? Are they just jerks? Are we not meeting their needs anymore all of a sudden? Do they think the grass is greener? I'm sure it can be a multitude of things but I'm genuinely confused.

When things go lightening speed and someone is freshly divorced, this is your cue to stop dating before you get too involved after a few of months. Next time look for all the red flags of rebound including talking future, madly in love, etc. all way too soon.

Never experienced it personally before.

But from what I have seen people do it because they aren't able to be happy by themselves.

I am sure some relationships do last that are made in this way.

But often the people who do this never resolve any internal issues because they refuse to look inward.

So they are just distracting themselves from the previous relationship.

Hard to have a good relationship when you bring all that unresolved baggage from your earlier relationship into the next.

Wiseman2:

Yes absolutely! I'm upset at myself for getting swept up in it all and not seeing the red flags. I was nothing but nice and caring to him and he completely discarded me from his life like I was nothing. I don't understand the lying about moving cities and the crying and acting concerned. Then to get with someone else. I don't understand the motive here.

There is no calculated motive, just a post-divorce mess of emotions from kid in the candy store to hurt looking for fresh distractions. As the prospect of getting hurt again nears, it's time for these balls of messes to roll on. Don't take it personally. None of it was real, only a reflection of his messed up state of mind.

There is no calculated motive, just a post-divorce mess of emotions from kid in the candy store to hurt looking for fresh distractions. As the prospect of getting hurt again nears, it's time for these balls of messes to roll on. Don't take it personally. None of it was real, only a reflection of his messed up state of mind.

Do you believe he will do it again? I keep blaming myself feeling like I did something wrong or wasn't good enough anymore I don't know why it's not healthy for me. He erased every trace of me I believe before getting with this new woman. Lying about moving is one hell of an excuse...is that in of itself enough that he is a messed up state of mind?

I've been monkeybranched and left for another woman. As far as I'm concerned they're still with her and happy (married with kids). I know this is not what a person going through that wants to hear and I've felt lots of pain when it happened but after a while you'll move on and don't care if they're still together and happy or not.

I can't tell you why they do it. Sometimes it's not about us... they might like and admire us, but someone comes along and suddenly they want that person. I don't know why it happened either and I heard the typical "you're amazing, the best I ever had but..." and then a few days after I knew of the new relationship.

Something I advise is to delete and block both so that you don't have any access to information about that relationship. Looking at their social media and "waiting" for them to break up will only delay your healing process.

I've been monkeybranched and left for another woman. As far as I'm concerned they're still with her and happy (married with kids). I know this is not what a person going through that wants to hear and I've felt lots of pain when it happened but after a while you'll move on and don't care if they're still together and happy or not.

I can't tell you why they do it. Sometimes it's not about us... they might like and admire us, but someone comes along and suddenly they want that person. I don't know why it happened either and I heard the typical "you're amazing, the best I ever had but..." and then a few days after I knew of the new relationship.

 

Something I advise is to delete and block both so that you don't have any access to information about that relationship. Looking at their social media and "waiting" for them to break up will only delay your healing process.

Oh he already went and blocked me and deleted every post or picture of me and untagged himself in as well. I don't understand why he completely lied about it and made up this ridiculous excuse. Someone who could lie and just discard me in that way isn't someone I want to be with but I just don't understand it.

Most of the time, when someone decides to end a relationship with you, it's not about you, it's strictly about them.

The extremes he went to in terms of lying to you....I mean...wow, you dodged a bullet here. Sane people do not lie like that. Period.

It might help for you to acknowledge that what you miss and are hurting about losing isn't him, an insane liar, but rather the fantasy of what you'd like to have. Thing is that you absolutely can have that fantasy turn to reality if you put in the work and effort into finding the right guy for yourself. That means paying attention to red flags and getting rid of the wrong guys ruthlessly fast. You haven't lost what you actually want - you just haven't found it yet.

I don't understand why he completely lied about it and made up this ridiculous excuse.

It's guilt. Some people will lie through their teeth in order to avoid confrontation and the possibility of being told off. They prefer behaving like an ostrich putting its head in the sand. What you call "discarding" is motivated by his wish to block the source of his discomfort regarding the mess he created. Because he knows full well how he behaved. This kind of persons are low quality so you can rest assured that you lost no body special. However, you do need to move on. You are wasting valuable time on something that is not about you.

It's guilt. Some people will lie through their teeth in order to avoid confrontation and the possibility of being told off. They prefer behaving like an ostrich putting its head in the sand. What you call "discarding" is motivated by his wish to block the source of his discomfort regarding the mess he created. Because he knows full well how he behaved. This kind of persons are low quality so you can rest assured that you lost no body special. However, you do need to move on. You are wasting valuable time on something that is not about you.

I keep blaming myself which is holding me back from moving on completely. I know it probably sounds stupid. I just don't get how someone can suddenly change their "feelings" like that. I feel like I was played from the beginning. It just hurts seeing him run to someone else like that..I guess my fear is he is serious about her although I know I don't want to be with someone capable of lying like this and doing it repeatedly. It is sick.

Most of the time, when someone decides to end a relationship with you, it's not about you, it's strictly about them.

The extremes he went to in terms of lying to you....I mean...wow, you dodged a bullet here. Sane people do not lie like that. Period.

 

It might help for you to acknowledge that what you miss and are hurting about losing isn't him, an insane liar, but rather the fantasy of what you'd like to have. Thing is that you absolutely can have that fantasy turn to reality if you put in the work and effort into finding the right guy for yourself. That means paying attention to red flags and getting rid of the wrong guys ruthlessly fast. You haven't lost what you actually want - you just haven't found it yet.

I think you are exactly right. It's like I haven't let go of that fantasy. It's like I feel as if it was right there and was very happy then suddenly everything switched and that has been hard for me. Clearly he never meant anything he said if he's able to lie like this multiple times. Is it once a liar always a liar? It does hurt to see him with someone else I don't know why he did it. It's really cruel cause I never changed who I was throughout the relationship. I was really good to him. Deep down I know I don't want someone who is this messed up that can lie like that.

I keep blaming myself which is holding me back from moving on completely.

If you keep blaming yourself, then some part of you deep down feels "not good enough". This has more to do with your own demons than him per se. He was just a trigger and this inner dialogue is your own insecurities talking. These are your own unresolved issues from the past that you need to address. He is just a random trigger NOT the actual cause of your thoughts.

If you keep blaming yourself, then some part of you deep down feels "not good enough". This has more to do with your own demons than him per se. He was just a trigger and this inner dialogue is your own insecurities talking. These are your own unresolved issues from the past that you need to address. He is just a random trigger NOT the actual cause of your thoughts.

True. I think the fact that everything was or at least seemed great and fine then all of a sudden it wasn't leaves me very confused and what the heck so I get into my own head if that makes sense?

Get this notion that you can control what others choose to do through your own actions out of your head. Life will be much easier that way. You can only control you. If you want to be nice, it's a choice, but there is no specific ROI on that. Some people will return kindness, some will take advantage of you instead, some won't care either way. You choose to be nice for you, because you like yourself that way.

My ex left me for someone else. Nine years later, they're still together.

Wondering "why, why WHY???" doesn't help, honestly. You're never going to know why.

Focus on getting yourself out of the mindset that you must know why (and hoping his new relationship ends the way yours did with him) and focus on the one who IS important...you.

How did you get it out of your head? I think I'm struggling with the feeling of betrayal and feels like it was easy for him to walk away. Maybe I'm naive a bit as well. I've definitely came out of this with lessons but still struggling with not thinking about it and completely moving forward.

I had to remove him from my life.

No staying "friends" with his friends and/or family. Don't try to tell yourself that it would be "rude" to cut off his family; they really won't care...they won't. Block him on all social media and do not search for him to look for signs that he and his new girlfriend have broken up or are fighting. Delete his number from your phone. Don't talk to mutual friends about him.

And kill that "hope" that he and his new girlfriend won't work out and he comes back to you, because of course you don't want a guy back who could do what he did to you! Aim higher for yourself.

Remember, every day you choose to keep yourself attached to him is a day you choose not to move forward. Don't choose to stay attached to someone who so easily detached from you. He doesn't deserve your devotion.

And finally, keep busy. Yeah, I get that you'd rather stay home and do nothing, but that doesn't help. See friends, spend time with family and catch yourself if you start to talk about him or the situation to others. Do the things you've always enjoyed.

Soon enough you'll realize you don't want this guy and you're better off without him.

If so, what was the result? Did they live happily ever after with that person? Did they come back? Have they ever lied to you about it as well? My ex told me he was moving out of state in a few months...that was a lie. He had a new gf within 3-4 weeks.

 

Yes, no and yes.

 

And I lived happily ever after as well. You sometimes need to really close the door on a dead relationship before you open a door to a happier life and better relationships, which has been the case for me too.

 

In my case, I believe the woman my ex was unfaithful with is actually a better match for him in the long-run. Indeed, they are married with a child now. He and I were not compatible anymore, and while I would have expected and appreciated a lot more honesty and integrity from him, we're both better off with different people. We wouldn't have enjoyed a satisfying marriage, had we taken that step.

 

Why do people do it? Many reasons, and it depends on the individual and the relationship. Some can't stand to be alone so they line someone else up before breaking it off with their current partner, while others genuinely struggle to be honest and tell their partners they don't feel the same way anymore - and stay long after the relationship has passed its expiration date.

Oh, yes. Yes I have. I can actually link you my entire experience, and the advice I got, down below:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=463516&highlight=solidcase

I had to remove him from my life.

 

No staying "friends" with his friends and/or family. Don't try to tell yourself that it would be "rude" to cut off his family; they really won't care...they won't. Block him on all social media and do not search for him to look for signs that he and his new girlfriend have broken up or are fighting. Delete his number from your phone. Don't talk to mutual friends about him.

 

And kill that "hope" that he and his new girlfriend won't work out and he comes back to you, because of course you don't want a guy back who could do what he did to you! Aim higher for yourself.

 

Remember, every day you choose to keep yourself attached to him is a day you choose not to move forward. Don't choose to stay attached to someone who so easily detached from you. He doesn't deserve your devotion.

 

And finally, keep busy. Yeah, I get that you'd rather stay home and do nothing, but that doesn't help. See friends, spend time with family and catch yourself if you start to talk about him or the situation to others. Do the things you've always enjoyed.

 

Soon enough you'll realize you don't want this guy and you're better off without him.

He has already blocked me on Facebook and instagram, I have since blocked him on the rest of social media platforms as he was still paying attention to those and that wasn't fair or healthy for me. To him it looks like I now never existed.

I think the past few days have been harder cause I've been home sick but I think getting back into working out might help me. I am also guilty of talking about the situation to others. Sometimes I still go back to thinking of when he was all nice and thoughtful but those weren't his true colors. I should have seen the red flags of him moving the relationship along very fast.

 

Yes, no and yes.

 

And I lived happily ever after as well. You sometimes need to really close the door on a dead relationship before you open a door to a happier life and better relationships, which has been the case for me too.

 

In my case, I believe the woman my ex was unfaithful with is actually a better match for him in the long-run. Indeed, they are married with a child now. He and I were not compatible anymore, and while I would have expected and appreciated a lot more honesty and integrity from him, we're both better off with different people. We wouldn't have enjoyed a satisfying marriage, had we taken that step.

 

Why do people do it? Many reasons, and it depends on the individual and the relationship. Some can't stand to be alone so they line someone else up before breaking it off with their current partner, while others genuinely struggle to be honest and tell their partners they don't feel the same way anymore - and stay long after the relationship has passed its expiration date.

 

I think for me what has been the most confusing was I had no idea he was possibly unhappy. Nothing was communicated to me. In fact a few days before I asked him if he was still interested in moving in together like he brought up months ago and he said yes. He did become a bit distant and less affectionate the last two weeks but I didn't know this was going to be the result. I felt blindsided and confused especially because I have never seen the new woman nor heard of her before. He went from post divorce to me to her in a matter of a year. I feel pretty dumb.

 

I am glad you found your happy ever after! Thank you for your honesty!

Well if you are in a relationship with a person who can't even communicate how unhappy they are you two never had a chance in hell.

You just need to realize what you "lost" never existed.

Coming to grips with that is hard.

Merging fantasy and reality is rarely fun.

Well if you are in a relationship with a person who can't even communicate how unhappy they are you two never had a chance in hell.

 

You just need to realize what you "lost" never existed.

 

Coming to grips with that is hard.

 

Merging fantasy and reality is rarely fun.

Oh yes definitely it is hard. Was it intentionally never real for him from the beginning? It sucks to think it wasn't real with me but what if it is with her. His lack of communication skills could be a partial reason his marriage failed. It's weird he had no problems telling me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me but couldn't communicate any issues he had. My goal for my next relationship is definitely more communication.

He might find someone who tolerates him.

That doesn't really mean he is going to happy with them.

Most relationships I see have one or more unhappy participants.

He could find an equally disfunction person and they have a very "meh" long term relationship.

But don't you want something better than that?

All people have negative attitudes towards certain aspects of any relationship they are in.

If a couple "never argues" I see that typically as a fatal flaw. If you don't ever argue then you will never overcome the negatives in your relationship.

If that happens then you will never resolve any issues.

Arguing a lot is obviously bad, but that seems to be more commonly known.

I am madly in love with my wife. I assume she equally enamoured with me.

We argue about stuff.

But those lead to compromises and great sex. We also both feel so much better to get the stuff off our chests'.

I feel that releasing that with each other helps dissipate a lot of stress and worry.

Couples that don't get that "out" seem to continue until one person has too much internal resentment (? Might not be the best word) and eventually the relationship crashes.

If you can't communicate and overcome hurdles together there isn't much of a point in even trying.