Will my ex ever contact me again?

Here is my brief situation, would love some advice:

Dated my ex for almost 3 years. I'm a lawyer, she was in college. Dropped out of college and I took care of her, we lived together, traveled together, bought her everything her heart desired and we spent nearly all our time together. Definitely a 9/10 girl. However, very VERY clingy, insecure, needy, etc. Looked to me to completely fulfill her happiness. No job, no real friends, etc. She was head over heels about me and talked all the time about getting married. Also, I am her first love and the longest relationship she's ever had.

We had our fair share of disagreements/arguments, but nothing really out of the ordinary. I was always more alpha and didn't value the relationship to the extent she did, and she was always worried that I'd end up leaving her for someone better.

December 2017...the signs were there, I had been in and out of town a good bit and long story short caught her cheating. Told me she had fallen in love with new guy, and was leaving me for him. Said she loved him and her feelings with him were different than they ever were with me. But, also told me the “I love you and always will but I’m just not in love with you” line. Also told me we’d still be together if it wasn’t for new guy.

Caught me off guard, considering we'd been ring shopping a couple weeks earlier. I sort of went beta, spilled a little of my heart to her and asked (might say begged) her to give us a chance, which she said no. After that point, I never mentioned getting back with her or asking for a second chance. We texted a few times the next couple days, then no more. I traveled again for the next month (for work) and found out she had basically moved new guy into our place with her. I go back, kick him out, and she stays in the spare room until she finds a new place to live just last week. While she was still living in my spare room, we talk in passing but nothing substantive and I never ask for her to come back. Unfriended her on all social media, deleted all our texts and trying to forget about her.

Her new guy is divorced with 2 kids, was homeless until he moved in with her at her new place, doesn't have any education (HS dropout), long criminal history and no job. She went from living in a nice ass condo in LA with me, who paid for literally everything and spoiled her royally, to living in a studio apartment in the ghetto on an air mattress supporting this loser who she "is in love with". She's now working two menial jobs to support herself and him.

The moment she moved out last week, I've gone strict NC. Neither I nor any of her family think new guy will last (he's the complete opposite of everything she's always said she wanted in a guy) and her family wants nothing to do with him. Chances she contacts me again? I've already moved on and am seeing new girls constantly, but am preparing myself for that moment when she realizes she ****ed up and wants me back, which all friends and family say will happen. Thoughts?

Do you want her back? You probably don't, and if it's the case, when and if she will contact you should be the smallest of your concerns.

Aside from some mistakes during the relationship (like spoiling her too much and putting her in a pedestal due to this behaviour), you seem to be dealing well with the break up. Just keep no contact and try to move on from this.

I don’t want her back after this, though I did have my faults in our relationship (mostly due to not being as emotionally invested as her), I didn’t deserve this. No guy does.

That being said, I know it’ll be hard if and when she contacts me again.

Stay NC and if she does contact you again, simply block all contact. After what she did, it would be very foolish to take her back (imo). Be glad you dodged a bullet. You can do much better.

What's the saying...the hotter the fire burns the quicker it cools? or something like that. Man I've known women like this, clingy, needy, you're the center of her life then one day BAM she leaves and is with someone else. Sounds like at some point you became a little more attached to her than you were in the beginning and she sensed it, then ran off. Challenge over. One thing you need to realize is women usually don't care about how much money you have but rather it's all about the emotions you stir up inside them. If you have all this money and are spoiling the crap outta her she may think why is he doing so much, am I the only one he can get so he's trying to shower me with gifts to stay? Your money may have made her stay a little longer than usual though. Just some thoughts...

Realize that "contact" is not the same as "wanting you back".

My ex contacted me frequently, but he most certainly didn't want me back. He just wanted his ego soothed every time he and his girlfriend fought, that was it.

Be forewarned that she may contact you asking for money.

I would question what you would see with this leech, other than someone to boost your ego.

Why don"t you find someone with a JOB and with a similar education level. I can't imagine that your convos were very stimulating. What did she actually bring to your life????

I have to wonder the age gap here, and if she dropped out of college for you?

Did you not want her to work? I think there's a bigger part to this story missing here.

For her to exert her independence from you, she was having an internal struggle within.

Maybe she felt very smothered? Money doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot if you feel you've lost

yourself within the relationship.

That being said, it's highly lilely she's going to contact you if she starts to get buried out there trying

to make it on her own. The situation she has with the new guy will wear on her very quickly if he doesn't change.

It sounds like you want her to get into contact with you. If you don't, then block her.

Yes, I think there is a very good chance she will contact you again. You should not even think about answering though. Whatever things you thought you could have done better in the relationship, work on them and fix them for the next person. I know this is hard, but do not spend another minute thinking about her contacting you, it's pointless.

You said she cheated on you, isn't that enough? You shouldn't care about anything else. Focus on that to keep you in NC and moving forward.

Mitch

I have to wonder the age gap here, and if she dropped out of college for you?

Did you not want her to work? I think there's a bigger part to this story missing here.

For her to exert her independence from you, she was having an internal struggle within.

Maybe she felt very smothered? Money doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot if you feel you've lost

yourself within the relationship.

That being said, it's highly lilely she's going to contact you if she starts to get buried out there trying

to make it on her own. The situation she has with the new guy will wear on her very quickly if he doesn't change.

It sounds like you want her to get into contact with you. If you don't, then block her.

There was a 10 year age gap, and no she didn’t drop out of college for me, she just “got tired of it.” Her dream had always been to be a trophy wife, so that’s the life I was giving her. Which is why her leaving for this absolute loser is so mind boggling.

I think it might be a “grass is greener on the other side” kinda deal, and when she wakes up and realizes , comes running back but who knows. I know I can’t take her back at this point.

eeek.

sorry buddy, that's a rough situation.

im sure it's a tough place to be, but it seems you have dodged a bullet early on. even if she contacts you, which she will, i don't think she deserves being put back in your life, at least not romantically. Someone deserves your love way more than someone who's easily replaced you, with a much lower model. Think of the value she's placed on you, and your relationship. That's the best thing to help you keep people like her away, or at least at an arms length.

eeek.

 

sorry buddy, that's a rough situation.

 

im sure it's a tough place to be, but it seems you have dodged a bullet early on. even if she contacts you, which she will, i don't think she deserves being put back in your life, at least not romantically. Someone deserves your love way more than someone who's easily replaced you, with a much lower model. Think of the value she's placed on you, and your relationship. That's the best thing to help you keep people like her away, or at least at an arms length.

Agreed. It seems the general consensus with everyone is that she will try to come back or at least contact me at some point. Just a matter of staying strong and remembering that I don’t deserve her and can do better.

exactly.

you don't deserve it. i don't know you (obviously) so i'll be a bit pragmatic... she doesn't deserve you either. Whatever good you brought to her, or bad, she doesn't feel she deserves it. For example, i don't deserve the good treatment, my an ex had given me, nor do my most recent ex deserve the good i bring to her. It's about her and your path.

i hate leaving relationships on a sour note, meaning "she was sucky, so she doesn't deserve this etc". It ruins the good memories you have of each other.

let go with the knowledge that what yall brought to each other, isn't the right kind for yall.

when she does call (95% sure), just remember she didn't think what you were was right for her. no one should use withdrawing love as a means of vindication. You just gotta know what kind of love you're willing to give. My ex? if and when she contacts me, i will give her love sure. But romantic love? nah. Love in a way where i'd cry if she dies or moves away? sure. help her when she's sick? sure. Help her move? nah. to do that, you have to be strong and maintain your course. she doesn't want to go with you on your path, then fine. go, be sad. but don't forget to love yourself first.

be well my friend.

exactly.

 

you don't deserve it. i don't know you (obviously) so i'll be a bit pragmatic... she doesn't deserve you either. Whatever good you brought to her, or bad, she doesn't feel she deserves it. For example, i don't deserve the good treatment, my an ex had given me, nor do my most recent ex deserve the good i bring to her. It's about her and your path.

 

i hate leaving relationships on a sour note, meaning "she was sucky, so she doesn't deserve this etc". It ruins the good memories you have of each other.

 

let go with the knowledge that what yall brought to each other, isn't the right kind for yall.

 

when she does call (95% sure), just remember she didn't think what you were was right for her. no one should use withdrawing love as a means of vindication. You just gotta know what kind of love you're willing to give. My ex? if and when she contacts me, i will give her love sure. But romantic love? nah. Love in a way where i'd cry if she dies or moves away? sure. help her when she's sick? sure. Help her move? nah. to do that, you have to be strong and maintain your course. she doesn't want to go with you on your path, then fine. go, be sad. but don't forget to love yourself first.

 

be well my friend.

Very good advice, thank you. The strange thing is, we we’re pretty compatible until new guy entered the picture. She wanted to be a trophy wife, and I wanted a trophy wife. I enjoyed taking care of her and spoiling her so she could live and easy and fun life, and she loved that. Which makes it so strange why she would run off with someone who’s 100% different than me in every single way. But, it is what it is. I still cherish all the good memories we had together, and choose to remember all the good times we had.

We're all humans. we think we want a particular thing, but when we're given such, we may react differently and realize we want something different.

who know, maybe she thought she could coast through life being dehumanized and given everything hand and foot. But a lot of us want to find our potential in life. Maybe she felt as if she was being hindered by how you treated her. Or that she was on a pedestal for nothing. Maybe she felt empty. Who knows? it's not our job, as much as we want, to figure them out. we have a hard enough time figuring out who we are ourselves, much more another entity. the fact of the matter is, she left you. my ex left and keeps bumping our "meeting time, when I'm over things" three months ahead. Finally i said "f it. i/m not waiting for her. she could easily pulled up her britches and garnered the strength to finally say "hey, it's been a few months. I think i have enough courage to tackle things with you together". Never happened, nor i think it ever will. But that's her. and that's on your ex. We do what WE can for ourselves. Not for them. I mean, we can do minute things, but other than that, they have to do the leg work themselves.

There was a 10 year age gap, and no she didn’t drop out of college for me, she just “got tired of it.” Her dream had always been to be a trophy wife, so that’s the life I was giving her. Which is why her leaving for this absolute loser is so mind boggling.

 

I think it might be a “grass is greener on the other side” kinda deal, and when she wakes up and realizes , comes running back but who knows. I know I can’t take her back at this point.

Her goal in life is to be a "trophy wife?" LOL! What attracts you to this? How can you respect her? I would look within, before judging others.

I'm curious as to how she conducts a convo with your colleagues and their wives? I can't imagine.

Do you like people to be dependent on you? Are you scared they will leave if they have a job and a education? I would also guess that she does not have many female friends?

Her goal in life is to be a "trophy wife?" LOL! What attracts you to this? How can you respect her? I would look within, before judging others.

 

I'm curious as to how she conducts a convo with your colleagues and their wives? I can't imagine.

 

Do you like people to be dependent on you? Are you scared they will leave if they have a job and a education? I would also guess that she does not have many female friends?

I did like the idea of a trophy wife, but honestly I could sense myself getting bitter that I was doing all the work and pulling all the weight while she contributed nothing, so it did begin to wear me down.

And no, she had no friends or hobbies or anything. When I say I was 100% of her life, I’m not exaggerating. Being solely responsible to take care of someone and be their complete source of happiness is exhausting.

Nevertheless, it still boggles my mind how I was traded down for someone so wildly different

Her goal in life is to be a "trophy wife?" LOL! What attracts you to this? How can you respect her? I would look within, before judging others.

 

I'm curious as to how she conducts a convo with your colleagues and their wives? I can't imagine.

 

Do you like people to be dependent on you? Are you scared they will leave if they have a job and a education? I would also guess that she does not have many female friends?

Holly, he wrote this:

"She wanted to be a trophy wife, and I wanted a trophy wife. I enjoyed taking care of her and spoiling her so she could live and easy and fun life"

So they both wanted the "trophy wife" situation.

In my experience with very wealthy men (I didn't date one but I was in frequent company of groups of men who were millionaires due to an organization I volunteered with), the ones who got themselves trophy wives always ended up being left, usually with their bank accounts significantly reduced. I never understood the appeal, did they know these women only wanted them for their money and didn't care, or did they honestly think these women truly loved them? It had me scratching my head.

OP, what is the appeal of a trophy wife?

Holly, he wrote this:

 

"She wanted to be a trophy wife, and I wanted a trophy wife. I enjoyed taking care of her and spoiling her so she could live and easy and fun life"

 

So they both wanted the "trophy wife" situation.

 

In my experience with very wealthy men (I didn't date one but I was in frequent company of groups of men who were millionaires due to an organization I volunteered with), the ones who got themselves trophy wives always ended up being left, usually with their bank accounts significantly reduced. I never understood the appeal, did they know these women only wanted them for their money and didn't care, or did they honestly think these women truly loved them? It had me scratching my head.

 

OP, what is the appeal of a trophy wife?

It’s hard to explain, but I loved taking care of her and providing for her. And don’t get me wrong, she loved it and loved the spoiling, but she never tried to take advantage of me or tried getting at my money. So it wasn’t a scenario where she drained me and moved on by any means.

It’s hard to explain, but I loved taking care of her and providing for her. And don’t get me wrong, she loved it and loved the spoiling, but she never tried to take advantage of me or tried getting at my money. So it wasn’t a scenario where she drained me and moved on by any means.

But you used the term "trophy wife". That implies you want her around to make you look good in some way to others.

It’s hard to explain, but I loved taking care of her and providing for her. And don’t get me wrong, she loved it and loved the spoiling, but she never tried to take advantage of me or tried getting at my money. So it wasn’t a scenario where she drained me and moved on by any means.

I'm not trying to pass judgement on you , but as a person who's been with wealthy men, I have to say it loses its appeal if other things are missing in the relationship. Something in her was missing that you couldn't buy and provide her with.

She obviously was not content, and your spoiling could not fill that void she was feeling.

I'm not trying to pass judgement on you , but as a person who's been with wealthy men, I have to say it loses its appeal if other things are missing in the relationship. Something in her was missing that you couldn't buy and provide her with.

She obviously was not content, and your spoiling could not fill that void she was feeling.

That’s certainly true to a good extent. I did travel a lot for work, and did have other friends and was very career focused, plus after dating for 2 years some of the initial “honeymoon phase” naturally wears off. But I did do a lot to show her I cared and loved her.

One thing she always craved was the “honeymoon phase” and wanted to be in it forever. Part of me thinks that’s why she’s with new guy, it’s al butterflies and fields of roses, at least for now. And since he has no job or family or friends, he can give her constant attention.

That’s certainly true to a good extent. I did travel a lot for work, and did have other friends and was very career focused, plus after dating for 2 years some of the initial “honeymoon phase” naturally wears off. But I did do a lot to show her I cared and loved her.

 

One thing she always craved was the “honeymoon phase” and wanted to be in it forever. Part of me thinks that’s why she’s with new guy, it’s al butterflies and fields of roses, at least for now. And since he has no job or family or friends, he can give her constant attention.

Well there you go! There's your answer. When the honeymoon phase wears off with him, she most likely will contact you.

All the money and material things and vacations are no substitute for hand holding, kisses, sweet notes left around, a text for no reason at all other than to say "I love you" you get the idea :)

She was younger, you were traveling, she got lonely.

I'm glad you admit this, you can use it in your next relationship to remind yourself not to let that feeling die.

Some girls love romance, and attention. Others don't need it. You have to figure out who you're with and act accordingly, because, again, money really isn't squat when feeling a void.

There's a song by Kenny Rogers that comes to mind, "Bought You A Rose" it's a reminder of not getting so busy that the little things the other wants are overlooked. YouTube it :) I think you might find it applicable.

Good luck, you'll find happiness.

I did like the idea of a trophy wife, but honestly I could sense myself getting bitter that I was doing all the work and pulling all the weight while she contributed nothing, so it did begin to wear me down.

 

And no, she had no friends or hobbies or anything. When I say I was 100% of her life, I’m not exaggerating. Being solely responsible to take care of someone and be their complete source of happiness is exhausting.

 

Nevertheless, it still boggles my mind how I was traded down for someone so wildly different

I think that you need to look at yourself. You are doing exactly what she did (accepted little from a partner). You have no standing to judge.

Why wouldn't you want a woman at a similar level? At least someone who is working??? She has no job, no interests, No nothing. What made her interesting? Was it because she is hot???

How did you interact with colleagues? They must have thought something was off with you. I'm not trying to be rude. But, c'mon! Do you not think that you can get an accomplished woman?

It’s hard to explain, but I loved taking care of her and providing for her. And don’t get me wrong, she loved it and loved the spoiling, but she never tried to take advantage of me or tried getting at my money. So it wasn’t a scenario where she drained me and moved on by any means.

Why was this enough for you? How could you respect her? Wasn't it also a clue, as to her having no friends?