Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: I was right. What do we do now.

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    14

    I was right. What do we do now.

    Itís been a lot of back and forth. Many moves. We moved from somewhere I loved, Texas, to a city I hate, Las Vegas,a year ago.
    He moved the kids and I, when we didnít want too.
    One year in, we have a house payment, plus rent. I had to go back to work, after being a SAHM for 12 years just to make it work.
    We are financially buried. Unhappy, and stressed to the max.
    What his game plan? Letís move again, letís go back to Iowa. 😳
    The heat here is horrendous, when 4 out of the 5 family members have medical issues. Which I tried explaining prior to moving, he didnít want to hear anything.
    Now he throws everything I said, prior to the move right back at me!
    If he didnít want to hear it then, listen then, figure this out a year ago.
    This is our 4th state, 4th move. In 5 years!
    Just to pack it all up and move again cause we are not happy, when I explained that before he up and moved us to begin with.
    Now we have two good jobs, they each pay really well. Iíve climbed the latter really quickly.
    We both like our jobs, we just hate the city, heat, and everything that goes with it.
    Family has helped out with the kids, so I can work. Which has been nice, now they are not wanting to do it.
    My car has been hit 3 times since being here. Now back in the shop cause issues with the engine. All I can do it hope and pray itís covered under warranty.
    We have nothing, pay check to pay check. With scraps here and there for food money.
    By far the worst move ever.
    I told him so.
    Now I guess he will have to learn the hard way.
    Taking us all down with him.
    Iím depressed, unhappy, stressed to the max, I just want it back to how it was.
    How can you talk to someone you love, when you feel they donít care. I know he loves me. I get he knows he made a mistake moving us here. I understand his point, even though I donít agree with it.
    Breaking point has been reached.
    Stress has caused many medical issues.
    Iím not fine. Even though I say I am
    Itís not going to be ok. Even when people tell me it is.
    Itís going down. We are sinking.
    Feeling like your drowning in your own emotions suck.
    Trying to hide it, is worse.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,162
    I'm sorry, Halowithspikes.

    I've heard about the heat in LV. The last time I was there was when it was 114 degrees! Due to intense, dry heat, I sustained evening nosebleeds because it didn't cool off! It was still HOT at 8:30PM at night!

    For now both of you have two good jobs and family helps with kids which is very good, all things considering.

    Is there anyway both of you can secure two new jobs in Iowa BEFORE moving there? Would that work?

    I'm sorry about your car but glad no one was injured! Hope it gets repaired under warranty.

    Is there anyway you can discuss postponing the move with your husband? Now that both of you have good jobs that pay really well, you've since climbed the ladder (congrats!) and have family helping with the kids, I'd say that's a pretty good arrangement albeit the sweltering weather.

    Is there anyway you can convince him to slow down so both of you are better prepared for the move? How are the children regarding uprooting them 4 times within 5 years?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,357
    Why are you moving so often? Where is your voice in this? Why are you allowing the moves, as it is so unstable for your kids? When are you going to put your children's best interest first.

    Your husband needs professional help. Something is very off, and you are going along with it- read your other thread.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,424
    Nobody sincerely writes like this. I'd love to hear the other half of the story.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,832
    Gender
    Male
    Is that where you are both from? Do you have family and/or friends there? If so make the move and reconnect with your friends, family, hometown. Stabilize the kids and your employment. Next time he wants to move, destabilize and isolate everyone...file for divorce and let him go.

    Unless these are career moves such as the military or a firm that relocates him, he's just running in circles like chicken without a head. You need to stabilize yourself and your kids and stop following him around the country on a wild goose chase.

    Begin now to privately and confidentially set up a life for yourself and your kids in your home town. Also consult an attorney and see what your options are regarding divorce. Never threaten divorce, just inform yourself. Also consult a therapist privately and confidentially (do not discuss this with him either) and discuss having a stable life and why you two have been running around the country bleeding money.
    Originally Posted by Halowithspikes
    What his game plan? Letís move again, letís go back to Iowa. 😳

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    9,864
    Gender
    Female
    You wrote about these issues a year ago and nothing has changed. Your husband isn't normal to put it politely. He is not stable, he cannot maintain a job for more than a year or two at best before he needs to run away again and again. He also prevents you from completing your RN training so you can be gainfully employed, not to mention the damage this constant moving is causing to your children.

    So what is it going to take for you to admit that this isn't working out? You can't run away from your problems, you can only face them and solve them. Start making some practical decisions instead of following your husband like a mindless yo yo. He is not stable and not right in the head, so you cannot rely on him. Where is your family? If you are so badly affected by living where you are, then figure out where you can move to for the last time, do your research, think, be sure you have a job there, be sure the schools are good, be sure medical care is there for your daughter, be sure it is THE right place and most importantly, be sure that when (not if) but when your hubby once again needs to run away, you can wave him goodbye and get a real good divorce lawyer because you are not going to move again, because you have a job and can live without him, because you have support, friends, family around and so can live without him, because the medical care is there for your daughter, so you can take care of her, because you are NOT going to harm your children with any more instability.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    2,015
    So, do you think Iowa doesn't have weather issues? Tornadoes and snow?

    Texas can get just as hot as LV.

    Maybe the two of you ought to sit down and figure out what you want to do in life and where.

    Make a realistic household budget. Yes, put it in a spreadsheet. There are free templates online.

    List your combined income and all of the spending. Including cash-out.

    Then plan to change spending and how to add income.

    Factor in job hunting in other locations if that is what you want to do.

    Only move AFTER getting a new job in that location.

    Alternatively, find a way to enjoy LV, but with your realistic budget in place.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,612
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    You wrote about these issues a year ago and nothing has changed. Your husband isn't normal to put it politely. He is not stable, he cannot maintain a job for more than a year or two at best before he needs to run away again and again. He also prevents you from completing your RN training so you can be gainfully employed, not to mention the damage this constant moving is causing to your children.

    So what is it going to take for you to admit that this isn't working out? You can't run away from your problems, you can only face them and solve them. Start making some practical decisions instead of following your husband like a mindless yo yo. He is not stable and not right in the head, so you cannot rely on him. Where is your family? If you are so badly affected by living where you are, then figure out where you can move to for the last time, do your research, think, be sure you have a job there, be sure the schools are good, be sure medical care is there for your daughter, be sure it is THE right place and most importantly, be sure that when (not if) but when your hubby once again needs to run away, you can wave him goodbye and get a real good divorce lawyer because you are not going to move again, because you have a job and can live without him, because you have support, friends, family around and so can live without him, because the medical care is there for your daughter, so you can take care of her, because you are NOT going to harm your children with any more instability.
    Agree. It's pretty obvious that he isn't capable of contributing to a stable home for you and your kids. Seems like it's time to make some tough decisions... one suggestion might be to figure out where you want to live, go live there, and quit following him around.

    Honestly OP... I realize that these decisions aren't easy. What I would say is that no matter what you decide, it's going to be a tough road... so you will need to look at the long term and figure out what's best for you and your family. Your post comes across as though you are a victim... you are not, so take some control back over your life.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,494
    Oh my gosh, I donít even know you and I want to yell Ďquit your belly aching!í

    Take some responsibility here. As another poster says, you canít put the toothpaste back in the tube, itís too late, the move has happened and from the sounds of it you donít really want to move again anyway because of your jobs so youíre complaining to complain,just stop making a bad situation worse with your complaining, youre an adult, you allowed this move to happen, the time to speak up would have been before moving but you let this happen, own that.

    Your husband sounds reckless and gives into whims, my ex was the same way, it is not a fun way to live, you have two options, tell him itís time he gets into counseling and figure out his well manic behavior or you leave but this pouting and whining is useless. Stop.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,332
    Gender
    Female
    It sounds like the bulk of the difficulties are financial. Have you sat down to look at things more closely? Gather up all your bills/expenses and start getting an overview of your finances in more detail. If he can't do it, you have to do it.

    My biggest question is your house payment plus rent. Is it viable for you to bring in a property management company and rent out your house in Texas? Who is living in that house if that's the house payment you're paying? Or are you footing someone else's house payment, ie a relative etc? Look into some options there as that's a big expense for many people.

    Go over your finances in more detail and speak with a planner. If you don't have time to do it yourself, I sincerely suggest you make time to go over everything more closely. I think your expenses are too high and you both haven't adjusted to the move. It's normal to feel stressed when we are tight on cash and this can snowball into other issues like health issues and prolonged stress. Take care.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •