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Thread: I donít want to move!

  1. #11
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    It sounds like a lot of excuses on your part to not be working and responsible ( which you are) for providing for yourself and the children you chose to have .
    You need to be honest with yourself about what you get out of being a dependent of his, and your attitudes about what you are entitled to. It's easy to frame oneself as a victim in this situation, but really, it's your children who are true dependents on the both of you and are paying the price for this dynamic.

    So what ARE you willing to do to improve your kids situation as far as security?

    If you were to go to a woman's resource center and actually are willing to change how you think and what you take responsibility for, you could save the kids the trauma of mom being dragged away to the hospital psych ward and their trips to therapy trying to figure out how she justifies her choices because she didn't want to have to be a person who is responsible for her own choices.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    It sounds like a lot of excuses on your part to not be working and responsible ( which you are) for providing for yourself and the children you chose to have .
    You need to be honest with yourself about what you get out of being a dependent of his, and your attitudes about what you are entitled to. It's easy to frame oneself as a victim in this situation, but really, it's your children who are true dependents on the both of you and are paying the price for this dynamic.

    So what ARE you willing to do to improve your kids situation as far as security?

    If you were to go to a woman's resource center and actually are willing to change how you think and what you take responsibility for, you could save the kids the trauma of mom being dragged away to the hospital psych ward and their trips to therapy trying to figure out how she justifies her choices because she didn't want to have to be a person who is responsible for her own choices.
    Wow. That was some harsh words.
    Itís not like Iím uneducated, I hold many medical certificates as well as a degree. Iíve been working towards my final degree as a RN. It was a choice that WE made for me to stay home with the kids. Like previously stated, our daughter has a lot going on. She has a genetic disorder with a second disorder that was also created. Itís not like I donít want to work, cause trust me I do! I havenít been able to once all the kids started school. Our daughter has had 2 strokes currently, she see many different specialists monthly as well as different therapy specialists weekly.
    Itís stressful, itís a lot to handle at times, but I wouldnít change it for the world. So itís not excuses, itís to the point as how can I do it? My husband works 60hrs a week, rotating shifts.
    He sure wouldnít be able to take off or even get off early for the appointments, nor does he know anything about it cause he chooses not too.
    So yes, I have my fair share of stress in my daily life. I dont need any additional stress on my shoulders. Any normal human can only handle so much. Many donít understand the ins and out of a parent with a child with medical issues. Itís not that easy to pack up and move and set up all the care all over again.

  3. #13
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    Your husband is also your child's parent.

    What does he say about the difficulties of setting up care for your child? Does he take it seriously or does he simply dismiss your concerns?

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Your husband is also your child's parent.

    What does he say about the difficulties of setting up care for your child? Does he take it seriously or does he simply dismiss your concerns?
    Honestly he is still in denial. He doesnít talk about her issues, nor does he want to hear it or any appointments. Thatís his princess. She is perfect. End of story. Which also scares me cause with her disorders they have a very high mortality rate, with him not willing to accept it, I canít even imagine how he would react. He has some days of ďclarity ď per say. Majority of the time he sits in denial. We have almost lost her 3 times now, Iím on constant guard and in tuned with her I can tell if it will be a good day or bad within the first minute she wakes up.
    He knows the difficulty I have with setting up her specialists. Although, I have more issues setting up a pediatrician willing to even take her on as a patient, bonus points if I find one willing to take her on and even knows about her genetic disorder!
    Heck he is my child as well, he canít even set up his own doctor appointments, let alone fill out his paperwork! 😂

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  6. #15
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    Well, sounds like you pretty much have two options. Stay with him and realize you will be moving every year or two (despite what he says, he has demonstrated that his promises mean nothing), or leave and strike out on your own with your children in the location you wish to stay.

    If he's a "stick his head in the sand" type, you're never going to succeed in "changing" him. He is who he is.

    Can you accept that?

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Well, sounds like you pretty much have two options. Stay with him and realize you will be moving every year or two (despite what he says, he has demonstrated that his promises mean nothing), or leave and strike out on your own with your children in the location you wish to stay.

    If he's a "stick his head in the sand" type, you're never going to succeed in "changing" him. He is who he is.

    Can you accept that?
    I guess I really have no choice. I have to accept it. It will all work out in the end I suppose.
    Thank you very much for your responses all day, and everyone else. I really truly appreciate it.

  8. #17
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    If he never goes to any appointments, tell him the doctor said if you move again, she may die, so you will all need to stay put until she's more stable in another year or two. Then, by then, he may actually work through issues at work instead of running away.

  9. #18
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    As a child that moved from city to city almost every two years, I can say it takes it's toll on children. Myself and my siblings had a tough time socially and most of it was due to being uprooted.
    To my Dad, it was the prospect in more money the hiring companies were offering. I would have rather been poor and stay put than to have him move us everywhere.

    Why does he need to move to a different state for new jobs? Surely their are other jobs in a one hour drive radius?

  10. #19
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Halowithspikes
    The kids and I will go where ever he goes, we donít have a choice. .
    Real words do occur in tense arguments. The statement above REGARDLESS of him saying "I didn't mean it" is emotional ABUSE!! If he throws you into the wall and afterwards says "he didn't mean it" isn't it still abuse?

    and it's been 5 years since you have had a "Date night"?

    If that were me, I'd ask him to move to another state and stay put with my kids.

  11. #20
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    I have met dozens and dozens of families where one parent lived elsewhere for a good work and financial opportunity, and come back when possible, or set aside a long stint of time off. I fail to understand why you and the kids have to move with him even when he's only going to stay for a short period. He said Texas was it. Start moving money around, changing access to accounts, and don't move. Dig your heels in. If he really loves you and family, he will stay.

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