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How do I pull out of this situation?


lmasterz

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A girl and I started messaging on Thursday. At first I thought she was in her 26/27 years old. Turns out she's 31. I'm 31. She's even a few months older. Since I'm looking for a serious relationship, I don't want my SO to be my age or older. I'm looking for a minimum of a 3-4 year gap. So I don't want to start something I know I wont finish. I don't want to mislead her. We haven't been on any dates, just messaging.

 

I know some people on here would think age isn't an issue, and it's just a number and all of that. I am aware of that. But each has there preference, and to me, I simply want someone younger than me. There's nothing wrong with that.

 

Even though I liked her personality, I just can't continue as I know the age issue will keep getting to me. Won't be able to wrap my head around it. I can easily ghost her, but won't. I'm not that guy. How can I politely pull out? Do I come clean?

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The more I read the threads on here the more I keep checking if I have my head screwed on right.

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As for your question, you can just tell her you're looking for someone younger. If you'd rather make something up or use a generic line, I guess you could. Whatever, you just exchanged a few texts, not like it's going to be a big deal. I don't think you are expected to present a case as to why you don't think you match.

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Since you've been chatting for only three days, I think its ok to just stop texting.

 

Or do a slow fade.

 

Honestly, this happens all the time, unless you've professed undying love (kidding) or scheduled a date, you don't owe her an explanation after only three days chatting.

 

Had you met in person and she continued texting, then you could tell her you're not interested, but only three days chatting and no date scheduled? Don't think it's necessary.

 

JMO

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Why does her age matching yours bother you?

 

Studies show relationships do better the closer in age you are.

 

It's obvious he doesn't want his relationships to do better, obviously (joking).

 

I really don't get your logic though OP. Why does this very specific age matter? I believe there is a point where age does matter (life stage, maturity difference, don't date minors as an adult), however I can't see how this fits any point...is it a feeling of superiority while being older, can say you're more experienced, semi-arm-candy??? I'm grasping at straws here.

 

Just tell the lady thank you for your time but I don't think this will work, then you're done. Nothing was invested and doesn't warrant much more than this kind of goodbye.

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To each his own. I was with someone 5yrs older it worked for a little while. But when she would mention stuff from her childhood(Tv shows, toys...) I was kind of lost because I wasn't born yet or didn't remember.

 

Then I dated someone where I was 5yrs older, and she was just immature. I was 25 and she was 20. Personally I don't mind an age gap of 2yrs younger and 2-3yrs older.

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Since you've been chatting for only three days, I think its ok to just stop texting.

 

Or do a slow fade.

 

Honestly, this happens all the time, unless you've professed undying love (kidding) or scheduled a date, you don't owe her an explanation after only three days chatting.

 

Had you met in person and she continued texting, then you could tell her you're not interested, but only three days chatting and no date scheduled? Don't think it's necessary.

 

JMO

 

I guess I could. But I’ll definitely hate it if someone suddenly stopped texting. I wanna treat her same way I wanna be treated. That’s all.

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Why are folks questioning his preference? Is he not allowed to have a preference? Not understanding that.

 

It's his life he has the right to date whomever he wants and should not be criticized for that, geez.

 

Not to mention, this was not his question.

 

I remember there was a guy on here who couldn't take a woman seriously if she wore blue jeans. Any other color was fine besides blue...so some preferences come with questions to clarify if there may be an underlying unhealthy reason suspected behind it that may help the OP get over any possible insecurities, even if not asked. If there isn't any, then good. Sometimes it doesn't hurt to check, "You ok there bub?" I see many people do this on here, so when in Rome :)

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Honesty IS the best way. I guess sometimes it can hurt a little so people would want to avoid it.

 

But it's not hurtful, she will appreciate you not wasting her time.

You don't need to say " omg I thought you were younger but you're ooooold" lol

Just say you're looking for someone younger than you and no need to explain further.

If she's insulted, so be it. But it's your right to date in the age group you seek.

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I’m questioning his preference because it seems small in the grand scheme of things.

 

I’ve never heard of anyone upset about too *little* of an age gap.

 

And Kat, I’m just curious - your current boyfriend, isn’t he the guy you had an amazing connection with but had acne scars or something?

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I guess I could. But I’ll definitely hate it if someone suddenly stopped texting. I wanna treat her same way I wanna be treated. That’s all.

 

Ok well do that then. Treat her how you yourself would want to be treated if roles were flipped.

 

I only meant that under the circumstances, only three days chatting, never met, I personally don't think it's necessary.

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I’m questioning his preference because it seems small in the grand scheme of things.

 

I’ve never heard of anyone upset about too *little* of an age gap.

 

And Kat, I’m just curious - your current boyfriend, isn’t he the guy you had an amazing connection with but had acne scars or something?

 

Yeah he was, but I got past the scars (don't even notice anymore) and stared dating him.

 

But if I had not gotten past it, and didn't wish to date him, I think that would have been okay too.

 

In my case, my feelings about his scars concerned me and I started a thread asking for opinions.

 

The OP here did not ask for opinions about the age gap, but yet folks are opining and criticizing.

 

That's all I am saying. :D

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Yeah he was, but got past the scars and stared dating him.

 

But if I had not gotten past it, I think that would have been okay too.

 

In my case, my feelings about his scars concerned me and started a thread asking for opinions.

 

The OP here did not ask for opinions about the age gap, but yet folks are opining and criticizing.

 

That's all I am saying.

 

I know, but my point still holds. This guy didn’t meet your standards initially. But now you are smitten. Practically living together after just a few months! We - many people - said you should try and look past that one potential issue. OP didn’t ask for opinions but I think your story is still valid here. This isn’t a big meaningful dealbreaker (for instance, I wouldn’t date a guy who does drugs). It’s one smaller blip in what could otherwise be a great connection.

 

Had you not asked for our advice, I’m very certain you wouldn’t have given this guy another chance.

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I think I would have (given him a chance); while I certainly listen and value everyone's opinions and advice, in the end I ultimately make my own decisions, what I think is best for me.

 

I really liked him so that was really the deciding factor.

 

To the OP, putting the small age difference aside, do you like this girl? Did you feel good chatting with her?

 

Or are you just using the small age gap as an excuse to pull out?

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I feel like OP is almost looking for people to specifically “argue” about the age gap. You didn’t even meet in person, so “pulling out” of the situation is rather simple.

 

To be honest, you ask for advice and then people give you their advice and then you say no, you don’t like the advice bc you would want it to be handled the way you would want to be treated. Ok fair enough, but then just handle it that way and don’t start a thread about it ?

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I would send a generic "It has been nice chatting with you but unfortunately I can not see a connection forming. Good luck with your future endeavors" kind of message and leave it at that. I suspect that most women would be hurt to be told that they are being rejected due to age by a man of the same age as them, no matter how you frame it.

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I would send a generic "It has been nice chatting with you but unfortunately I can not see a connection forming. Good luck with your future endeavors" kind of message and leave it at that. I suspect that most women would be hurt to be told that they are being rejected due to age by a man of the same age as them, no matter how you frame it.

 

That sounds good too. I personally wouldn't be because I know a lot of guys that want younger women because they look more to the future of a long term relationship with someone but aren't ready to have marraige and kids yet. Not to say her baby making days are over at 31, nor that this would be something the OP considers.

Other guys like older women because they feel they aren't so much into mind games and are more settled.

I personally like older but this guy I am very attracted currently is four years younger. It's not going to go anywhere lol

but the attraction is so strong that I don't even think about his age.

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I feel like OP is almost looking for people to specifically “argue” about the age gap. You didn’t even meet in person, so “pulling out” of the situation is rather simple.

 

To be honest, you ask for advice and then people give you their advice and then you say no, you don’t like the advice bc you would want it to be handled the way you would want to be treated. Ok fair enough, but then just handle it that way and don’t start a thread about it ?

 

Getting other people's perspectives is always a plus. Maybe they can point out something I'm missing.

 

I would send a generic "It has been nice chatting with you but unfortunately I can not see a connection forming. Good luck with your future endeavors" kind of message and leave it at that. I suspect that most women would be hurt to be told that they are being rejected due to age by a man of the same age as them, no matter how you frame it.

You can't tell a connection isn't forming in juts 3 days of chatting, let alone not meeting. That's a cleat straight up lie. That said, I'm not rejecting her because she's old, It's becauseI want someone younger. If i'm 4+ years old than her I would still continue talking to her

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