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Thread: How do I pull out of this situation?

  1. #1
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    How do I pull out of this situation?

    A girl and I started messaging on Thursday. At first I thought she was in her 26/27 years old. Turns out she's 31. I'm 31. She's even a few months older. Since I'm looking for a serious relationship, I don't want my SO to be my age or older. I'm looking for a minimum of a 3-4 year gap. So I don't want to start something I know I wont finish. I don't want to mislead her. We haven't been on any dates, just messaging.

    I know some people on here would think age isn't an issue, and it's just a number and all of that. I am aware of that. But each has there preference, and to me, I simply want someone younger than me. There's nothing wrong with that.

    Even though I liked her personality, I just can't continue as I know the age issue will keep getting to me. Won't be able to wrap my head around it. I can easily ghost her, but won't. I'm not that guy. How can I politely pull out? Do I come clean?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Why does her age matching yours bother you?

    Studies show relationships do better the closer in age you are.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Why does her age matching yours bother you?

    Studies show relationships do better the closer in age you are.
    Possibly. I just feel more comfortable if there is a 3-5 year gap.

  4. #4
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    Be honest and tell her the truth. Then stop texting.
    I turn down guys that are what I consider too young or too old for me.
    They understand. I'm sure she won't be crushed. You don't even know one another lol

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member RainyCoast's Avatar
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    The more I read the threads on here the more I keep checking if I have my head screwed on right.
    --------- ---------


    As for your question, you can just tell her you're looking for someone younger. If you'd rather make something up or use a generic line, I guess you could. Whatever, you just exchanged a few texts, not like it's going to be a big deal. I don't think you are expected to present a case as to why you don't think you match.

  7. #6
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    Since you've been chatting for only three days, I think its ok to just stop texting.

    Or do a slow fade.

    Honestly, this happens all the time, unless you've professed undying love (kidding) or scheduled a date, you don't owe her an explanation after only three days chatting.

    Had you met in person and she continued texting, then you could tell her you're not interested, but only three days chatting and no date scheduled? Don't think it's necessary.

    JMO

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Why does her age matching yours bother you?

    Studies show relationships do better the closer in age you are.
    It's obvious he doesn't want his relationships to do better, obviously (joking).

    I really don't get your logic though OP. Why does this very specific age matter? I believe there is a point where age does matter (life stage, maturity difference, don't date minors as an adult), however I can't see how this fits any point...is it a feeling of superiority while being older, can say you're more experienced, semi-arm-candy??? I'm grasping at straws here.

    Just tell the lady thank you for your time but I don't think this will work, then you're done. Nothing was invested and doesn't warrant much more than this kind of goodbye.

  9. #8
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    To each his own. I was with someone 5yrs older it worked for a little while. But when she would mention stuff from her childhood(Tv shows, toys...) I was kind of lost because I wasn't born yet or didn't remember.

    Then I dated someone where I was 5yrs older, and she was just immature. I was 25 and she was 20. Personally I don't mind an age gap of 2yrs younger and 2-3yrs older.

  10. #9
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    Why are folks questioning his preference? Is he not allowed to have a preference? Not understanding that.

    It's his life he has the right to date whomever he wants and should not be criticized for that, geez.

    Not to mention, this was not his question.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    Since you've been chatting for only three days, I think its ok to just stop texting.

    Or do a slow fade.

    Honestly, this happens all the time, unless you've professed undying love (kidding) or scheduled a date, you don't owe her an explanation after only three days chatting.

    Had you met in person and she continued texting, then you could tell her you're not interested, but only three days chatting and no date scheduled? Don't think it's necessary.

    JMO
    I guess I could. But Iíll definitely hate it if someone suddenly stopped texting. I wanna treat her same way I wanna be treated. Thatís all.

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