Living after long distance + regret

Hi everyone,

I’m 36 year old female. About two years ago I met a man while on vacation. We started a friendship through online communication and spent some time together after we realized there might be more in the fall.

We had an amazing time and decided to give things a shot. I’m on sabbatical as is he, so we decided to move to teach abroad for a few months. It’s been three weeks. The first two were great but this week he has done a 180. He says he thinks about going home, misses his routine etc. He has become very cold very quickly. He used to be sweet and affectionate , now he seems distant. I told him that I don’t want him to feel trapped and just want him to be happy.

I had to pry this information out of him and I’m realizing he is not a good communicator. Have I made a massive mistake?

Unfortunately a lot of people get involved in one dimensional electronic relationships. The problem is it doesn't stand the test of real life.

Having feelings for someone at a distance, you remain in a perpetual honeymoon stage. Seeing someone on a daily basis is the only real way to get to truly know someone.

Don't be hard on yourself. Now you know better.

Let him go. One thing I've learnt about men is that you can't really have them when you are with them. When you two start living apart again, the spark will be reignited. Not sure if that would be worth it. Men are usually commitment phobic. Maybe it's the too-fast-too-soon syndrome. Give him space and then you two can reassess the feelings for each other.

Sorry to hear this. Did you decide to move in together after knowing each other mostly long distance? Is this as friends/roommates or lovers? You are not responsible for him or his happiness.

Tell him if he plans on going back to let you know when so you can make your arrangements regarding a roommate. Do not amuse or cajole him. He made this decision and he must decide whether he's happy, homesick whatever.

we decided to move to teach abroad for a few months. It’s been three weeks. The first two were great but this week he has done a 180. He says he thinks about going home, misses his routine etc.

Have I made a massive mistake?

If you made these decisions strictly off of what he wants and his demands, then yes you have made a massive mistake. If not, there's no mistake here, I see you tried your best and it just doesn't seem to be going well, as every Near Distance relationship.

Being away from home isn't easy, specially for some people. He might just really be homesick. You were right on focusing on the biggest problem here: his communication skills, Now that can be a huge problem. Wait it out bit, try to talk about it and then call it.

Let him go. One thing I've learnt about men is that you can't really have them when you are with them. When you two start living apart again, the spark will be reignited. Not sure if that would be worth it. Men are usually commitment phobic. Maybe it's the too-fast-too-soon syndrome. Give him space and then you two can reassess the feelings for each other.

Goes for women too.