Paralyzing fear of failure, holding back career jump

Like the post title says, I've been dealing with a paralyzing fear of failure that's been holding me back in a crucial time. I've written posts before how I'm looking to leave my job but I've always hung on because I've been using the excuse on myself that "it's comfortable." Thing aren't comfortable anymore: benefits have been slashed, I'm living paycheck to paycheck, layoffs every few months. Our company was bought out from a bankruptcy last year but I'm not convinced we're going to make it. It's clear as day that I need to leave.

 

But every time I think about logging on to a job board, I freeze at the thought. I'm so scared to even open up the word doc of my resume to finalize it (luckily I had a tiny boost last month that made me at least touch it up). Here's the kicker.... I even have friends who are willing to connect me to profitable companies!!! It's just that I'm *terrified* to even finalize a resume to submit. I'm always afraid it's not good enough and a lost cause. In part it's because I have a very niche skill set that I don't think transfers over well to other industries (I'm in solar right now and the industry is too volatile at the moment). I went to school for graphic design but my job title is "Design & Engineering Specialist" which of course links me up to software/mechanical engineering positions (of which, I am neither) or product design jobs (don't have the skill set for that either). Basically once someone buys a solar system, I'm the person who combs through their home's structural and electrical, looks out for any code violations, and drafts out the plans to wire up the system. I got this job through a friend because I knew drafting software and I learned enough of the engineering to make it through, but in the 5yrs I've been doing this job we've gotten so automated in our software that I've forgotten almost all the calculations and math behind it. If anything, I've worked more with our software team making their stuff user friendly for us. But again, since it's not the "main part" of my job, I think recruiters get really confused when they see what I've been doing vs what I'm best at (i.e. - more of the people related, "idea" things).

 

Honestly, I'm not good with engineering. I just learned the formulas I needed to know and survived round after round of layoffs because I was one of the fastest at producing plans. Ask me electrical theory and it would go over my head. I'm really just a creative person at heart. It's just that time after time I feel like I've been rejected in that. The biggest kicker was 4 months into this position when I talked to a recruiter about applying for a brand designer position since that's what I went to school for, and she told me I wasn't qualified enough. If I was told that only 4 months in and now I'm 5 *years* in, I feel like I'm just trapped. And now with living in an expensive city with expensive rent, I can barely afford living with my current salary after these benefit cuts, let alone starting at entry level. I just feel like I'm under so many layers that I don't know which one to uncover first. Thanks so much for listening/reading. It helps at least being able to get it out.

Well, Solar City came through my neighborhood earlier this year and put up a lot of solar panels, so I offer that. Reading about what you do, you sound like you could do home inspectors. Get a card made up and hand it out to real estate agents, get a website etc. Maybe you could work with a home inspector to see how it's done. You can charge $300-$500 an inspection. My brother does it. He actually trained his wife and sent her out on inspections. So that's something. You also could probably sell people new roofs. You just have to compute the square footage of a roof and hand out an estimate. You might also be able to sell home improvement jobs, HVAC systems, etc. with your background.

 

Send out your resume to every job listing you can find and every category you're interested in in your area. Let the employer decide whether you're good enough or not. Sometimes the employer will see something in your resume that you didn't see. You just have to show up for the interview, dress nicely and be polite. The economy is improving for the first time in 8 years. You want to get on the employment train as quickly as possible and ride it as long as possible. And you can make some good money in these fields. I hope I've said something that you can use.

So, what's going to happen when you get laid off? Is that going to be the kick up the bum you need?

 

It sounds like you need to set your skill set aside and start looking for jobs that could lead to self improvement and upskilling.

My suggestion is to use "Graphic Artist" or "Draftsman" in your job searches. The title that your company gave you is misleading and it's not helping you. On your resume, it's ok to put your title down, but emphasize that you are a graphic artist/draftsman working for an electrical engineer. Nobody should expect you to be an electrical engineer. Most companies do not want engineers drafting anyway--too expensive. But they do want draftsmen and people who can render, and when they have proven that they can at least comprehend the various disciplines (electric, civil, structure, etc.) it's even better.

 

Think about the projects that you have been on. Take a little time and write them all down. What was different or the same about them? What was your role? Get a few examples of your drawings together. There are plenty of large architecture and engineering companies out there that crank out previously-branded buildings and interiors. That's one option. You may have a better chance at actual branding if you apply directly to a retailer like McDonald's or Ralph Lauren. They have departments devoted to branding. It will take a little research. You don't have to do it all at once.

Do you have a LinkedIn profile that is up to date, has a professional pic, lists your skills, includes your education, professional and alumni groups you belong to? Have you uploaded a recent contact list to see who is on there that you may know? Have you consulted with a resume writing service to put some polish on your existing one? Eventually you can attach your resume to your LinkedIn profile. Take it slow and build up to your next move.

I got this job through a friend because I knew drafting software and I learned enough of the engineering to make it through

I can totally relate to this, im a front end developer- and i dont enjoy coding( actually i dont enjoy all the issues/problems/bugs ect that come with development)

 

I feel like im totally isolated in this job and i dont know what i could say that would change things ( because im the junior and i pick up all the easier but more tedious work)

 

I think we both know we need a change but im totally stumped and feel deflated also....

 

I just cant seem to get my head around getting another job whilst being depressed and deflated at this one- each day im trying to pick myself up to start selling my skills but then the comfort and fear of rejection gets the better of me.

 

Im considering taking a couple of weeks off sick to get my health better and figure out where the skills i have can be used.

I can totally relate to this, im a front end developer- and i dont enjoy coding( actually i dont enjoy all the issues/problems/bugs ect that come with development)

 

I feel like im totally isolated in this job and i dont know what i could say that would change things ( because im the junior and i pick up all the easier but more tedious work)

 

I think we both know we need a change but im totally stumped and feel deflated also....

 

I just cant seem to get my head around getting another job whilst being depressed and deflated at this one- each day im trying to pick myself up to start selling my skills but then the comfort and fear of rejection gets the better of me.

 

Im considering taking a couple of weeks off sick to get my health better and figure out where the skills i have can be used.

Don't worry, you are not the only one. If you enjoyed coding, yes, then you would be a weirdo. But now, no. Maybe search for junior IT manager jobs or if you like Statistics consider an MSc in Data Science or Analytics.

Consider making a copy of your resume to fool around with. Then try out job titles that more correctly and comfortably describe your actual skill set, and then insert a comma, and add 'Design and Engineering Department'.

 

Those key words will likely still get you flagged for some jobs you don't want, but you'll feel more liberated when your title aligns with the roles for which you DO want to apply, even while you keep the words your current company uses to describe your employment

 

Once you make that change, you'll ditch the impostor feeling and likely feel more free to pursue other work. If not, come back to discuss trying other methods.

Awh thanks for your reply! I did my msc in software development and now trying to make the move into UX Design. I dont ever think ill know what i want to do. :)