Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 9 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 85

Thread: I cant take it anymore - urgent advice needed!

  1. #21
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    72
    Originally Posted by SweetGirl28
    Sonar, you absolutely cannot stay in your car. The longer you do, the weaker you will become.
    This is not healthy for you! Is there anyone else you can go to? Someone who let you stay for a bit?
    Do not give up your phone, just delete her. You need your phone.
    Being mentally and emotionally abused takes a massive toll on your physical and mental health.
    I've been both sides, physical and verbal and I'll tell you hands down I'd take the physical violence any day over the emotional(not that either is acceptable, because they aren't).
    Do you have a job? Savings? Anything? Can you get a relatively cheap place to stay? Rent a room in a house?
    Don't worry about your age. There's are millions of singles your age and older leaving relationships every day.
    Hell, I'm close in age to you and I'm single, trust me when I say life does not end.
    This is not the end of your journey. It's a chance for a new beginning. I know it feels like it, because you're feeling lost and stuck, but you will be okay!
    im now staying at my parents. told them that we broke up with a little bit of detail. ive great parents, and we get along really well. Yes i work 9 to 5, mon to fri. I have to admit that im not as productive at work as i used to be so i need to careful i dont loose this job. Ive no savings - relationship cost me a fortune but thats another story.

    i wish it felt like a new journey. im at work now and constant negative thoughts, cant get her out if my head!

  2. #22
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    312
    Originally Posted by sonar40
    She possibly is a narcissist, definitely some sort of personality disorder there but for me the label doesnt matter as its a toxic situation that has done so much damage to me and i cant let it continue. She doesnt care if im gone anyway, its like im no good to her anymore as i dont react or respond to her nonsense anymore and dont show her how much it hurts becauss anytime i showed how much i was hurting she would go in fir the killl and kick me me when im down so to speak.

    Her older kids can be very abusive too but its obvious that stems from her. When they ask her for money and she says no, they into a rage and she gives in and gives them what they want. I was warned by her ex husband who came to me to offer advice 2 years ago. He said "That woman will destroy you. She will take the man out of you then will move onto some other man". Was he right or what!

    ive left her today and i wish i could feel a huge weight off my shoulders, but i dont, i feel overwhelmed with hurt and despair. im just trying ti tell myself to ride through it and trust that i will come out better at the other end. Thank you for sharing your personal story, always good to see that im not alone and reassures me that i will be ok.
    Trust me bud. You are NOT alone here....
    And I do highly suggest reading up on Narcissism and Sociopaths...
    There is tons of info on the internet about it...
    I have a ton of info to share with you (if you want). You can send me a personal message and we can talk more...If I spill it out on here again than Sweetgirl28 will kick my behind... haha... She will reach out my way...hahaha...

    But on the serious note...
    What you are describing above are similar behaviours that I went through...
    Toxic? Toxic my friend is what is controlling you right now... These people take over you with their toxicity and keep you spun so much in it, that when you walk away, it's like as if life went to empty.... Her EX was correct... She will quickly move on to the next guy and suck the life out of him... These people are perpetual emotional vampires... They suck your soul out... And studies show that recovering from this type of relationship (if you want to call it a relationship), (because to them, all you are is supply)....But studies show, that recovering from this type of life will be the hardest... Yes, any recovery from a relationship is hard and takes time, but from this type, it is a lot longer and harder... So, I advise for you not to jump into anything so quick, take your time, heal, educate yourself.... It took me a while also...

    She will move on quickly... (Mark my words): Generally these vampires cannot be alone... They need new supply...
    Supply: Negative or positive: They do not care... Supply is supply... There is no empathy and "victims" are disposable... No remorse will come your way... You are disposable.... They get a high (like a drug) from the drama and pain they create... They are very aware of it, but will take no responsibility for their actions... Like I said: Supply is supply... Negative or positive, it is only supply... They want to control everything and see no wrong with them... So when she jumps on the next guy quickly, do not be surprised and do not be jealous... They want you to be jealous and will go out of their way to make sure that you are... All it is, is an ego boost, ego stroke... They want a reaction... positive or negative reaction means nothing to them except more supply... I hope you understand what I am trying to say... Also she will spy on you... They have a hard time letting go of their previous supply (especially if it was long term)... Trust me...

    As for the kids: I experienced similar as you... I have stories to tell you... Please understand one thing... The kids are a bi-product of her actions... Most likely those kids have been used as a source of supply in many ways... Even as a bargaining chip... Kids learn quick, they figure it all out... They are also great actors... They become toxic as well and manipulative... They got her figured out and they play her as well as others...It is learned... I know, I witnessed it on my end... Ultimately they learned this from her... However, they feel neglected by her... My EX had men in and out of her life/home non-stop... All her kids wanted, was for her to give up men for a while and spend quality time with them... But they were not getting this... So, they played her and the situation to their benefit... Because she was selfish and all about her needs, they learned that and used that as a tool... They as well felt no love... They only cared for themselves...

    If you want to chat more about this and talk things in more detail... You can send me a private message... I welcome that, and it is good therapy.... :)

  3. #23
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    3,674
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by sonar40
    im now staying at my parents. told them that we broke up with a little bit of detail. ive great parents, and we get along really well. Yes i work 9 to 5, mon to fri. I have to admit that im not as productive at work as i used to be so i need to careful i dont loose this job. Ive no savings - relationship cost me a fortune but thats another story.

    i wish it felt like a new journey. im at work now and constant negative thoughts, cant get her out if my head!
    Good! This a positive direction you are taking, even though it doesn't feel like it.
    It's hard initially to get going, but you can do it. One day at a time.
    Do not set yourself back now. You left, you have a place to stay, you have a job, you have support,
    so utilize all these great tools given you and escape it once and for all.
    When you do you will find life gets better. You will feel better, it's just a matter of time.
    Do not give up. Find that inner strength to fight. Abuse is not love. Ever.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    3,674
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Mikey383
    Hey SweetGirl28
    Yes. Everyday is a better day :)
    How are you doing?
    How is everything on the East Coast?
    We are supper cold here in Michigan. Can't wait for the snow to "GO AWAY"...haha... Another storm coming tonight...Ughhhh...
    We had the storm yesterday, lots of ice everywhere now....ughhhhhhh
    I need summer! Lol
    I hope you don't get too much snow dumped on you! Drive safely :)
    Things are okay.....one day at a time lol. Thankful to have my health and my daughter, so all is good luv.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,000
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by sonar40
    im now staying at my parents. told them that we broke up with a little bit of detail. ive great parents, and we get along really well. Yes i work 9 to 5, mon to fri. I have to admit that im not as productive at work as i used to be so i need to careful i dont loose this job. Ive no savings - relationship cost me a fortune but thats another story.

    i wish it felt like a new journey. im at work now and constant negative thoughts, cant get her out if my head!
    It will take time to stop thinking like that. Stay strong and stick with it though. Focus on tasks at work. Your mind can only think about one thing at a time. If you are making yourself work on a project or whatever you do, your brain will not have options but to get with it. Not saying it's easy, but literally every single time to feel your thoughts drifting away from work, make the effort to refocus and engage back on task. If it's really bad, go ask a work question of one of your co-workers. Do whatever it takes to get engaged in task at hand again. Willpower - you have it, you can do it.

    After work, go hit the gym or try something totally new like a rock climbing class or yoga or art class or whatever. Trying something different can help jolt your mind out of a negative groove. Even the exercise of finding something different, signing up and having something to look forward to helps a lot. Avoid getting into a routine that bores you. Keep challenging yourself to find something positive or productive to do. You have to literally train your mind away from dwelling on her. It's not easy, but doable.

  7. #26
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    312
    Originally Posted by sonar40
    im now staying at my parents. told them that we broke up with a little bit of detail. ive great parents, and we get along really well. Yes i work 9 to 5, mon to fri. I have to admit that im not as productive at work as i used to be so i need to careful i dont loose this job. Ive no savings - relationship cost me a fortune but thats another story.

    i wish it felt like a new journey. im at work now and constant negative thoughts, cant get her out if my head!
    Yes... They will suck you dry for your money... I have stories of my own to tell you...
    Yes...Felt like a new journey to me as well... Now it's a new guy embarking on that new journey...Thank God it is no longer me...
    It is not her in your head... It is someone that you hoped you knew (dismissed the real her), and you miss that... And it is normal to feel this way.... Give yourself a pass...

  8. #27
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    312
    Originally Posted by SweetGirl28
    We had the storm yesterday, lots of ice everywhere now....ughhhhhhh
    I need summer! Lol
    I hope you don't get too much snow dumped on you! Drive safely :)
    Things are okay.....one day at a time lol. Thankful to have my health and my daughter, so all is good luv.
    Glad you are doing good... And yes... everyday is a better day!!!! :)....
    We got hit with about 4 inches yesterday..., and the temps are in single digits.
    Took me hours to get the kids to school as everyone was barely moving...lol...
    We are expecting about 6 more inches starting this afternoon...
    I totally agree... I wish it was summer already...

  9. #28
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    72
    I had researched narcissistic abuse 2 years ago and she had all the traits. I watched hundreds of videos on youtube, read many blogs etc.. and it all made sense but i never done anything about it other than plead with her to stop the abuse. At the end of the day it doesnt really matter what mental health illness she has, as i now know there is no future in this relationship and it will only get much worse until it ends me if i keep going back to her. The more i read on narcisists now the more it annoys me, probably brcause i knew it and went through it for so long.

    Everything you describe is exacy the same as it happened in my situation. You would think these people had a book on "How to be a complete pyschopath" as they all follow the same pattern.

    I answered the phone to her today and all i got was "youve wrecked my family and my kids". I was so close to getting so annoyed and responding but instead calmly said "you will never take responsibility for your own bad behaviour. I am not in a good place right now so please dont start this nonsense." She called me a few names then hung up. I felt like pure crap and ive been painfully controlling myself not to go to her house. I then got a phone call from her daughter asking me would i lift her and bring her to her friends house as her mum was treating her like crap and making up lies that the daughter hit the mother. I told her id ring and pay for a taxi for her as i cant go back into that environment. I know i should break all ties, i know they are not my children but I do have a heart and dont like to see children going through that drama.

    Yeah i would like to hear from you, message me anytime, sounds like we have went through pretty much the same ordeal.

    its Friday 9:20pm here in Ireland. ive been lying in bed since 6pm. i just cant get motivated to do anything but i guess its better than going back there.

  10. #29
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    72
    Originally Posted by SweetGirl28
    Good! This a positive direction you are taking, even though it doesn't feel like it.
    It's hard initially to get going, but you can do it. One day at a time.
    Do not set yourself back now. You left, you have a place to stay, you have a job, you have support,
    so utilize all these great tools given you and escape it once and for all.
    When you do you will find life gets better. You will feel better, it's just a matter of time.
    Do not give up. Find that inner strength to fight. Abuse is not love. Ever.
    Thank you, ive printed this out so i can read it in moments of weakness. I dread this recovery, ive just so many emotions all at the same time, its overwhelming. Weekends are always the worst, i always dread weekends as thats when the abuse is at its worst and ive too much time to think. ive feelings of anger, frustration, hopelessness, sadness and feeling sorry for myself thinking "this is what i am now all for being a decent, honest and loving person".

    You have no idea though of how much the reassurance from all of you guys helps, the reassurance that i will be ok and life will get better. To be honest thats all im hanging onto right now. So thank you.

  11. #30
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Posts
    72
    So much for me controlling myself. I phoned her just now to be told im to blame for her life being a mess, im to blame for her badly behaved children and that she feels like taking a load of tablets while "im sitting at my nice wee mums house laughing at her with all my savings and no problems. A real man would be up here helpimg me out". i told her thats not true and thaf ive been in bed depressed. She started shouting you're a liar and other nasty made up nonsense so i just hung up. Now i feel bad even though ive done nothing wrong. i end up feeling sorry for her and put myself to the side despite the hurt. How am i ever going to get past this when i fail everytime, what on earth is wrong with me. She blames me for everything and then sometimes i think maybe shes right im not a real man as i should put our differences aside and help her but i did do all that before and now look at me. What a mess!

Page 3 of 9 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •