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Thread: I'm ready for a baby, my partner said he was but has changed his mind

  1. #31
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SweetGirl28
    He is being honest. Words were just words before, now he knows you mean action.
    It doesn't have to fall apart. You need to communicate clearly and effectively, and be patient.
    I'm telling you again, motherhood is a full time job, and not easy even under the best circumstances.
    And that is when your child is average. My child has multiple disabilities and may be with me for life.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    And that is when your child is average. My child has multiple disabilities and may be with me for life.
    Right. A healthy baby/ child is a huge commitment. Add in the chances of illness/ disabilities, it's more challenging.
    People don't always realize the what if's, they want the fairytale and then go into shell shock when it doesn't happen
    as expected. My daughter was a preemie and in intensive care and let me tell you even as a nurse I wasn't prepared for all she went through, and myself. Makes you very thankful for life and health, and gives a new perspective for certain.

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    Originally Posted by SweetGirl28
    It's clear you love him and by no means are you trying to trap him. That would be easy to do, and you probably would already have done so. That being said, you are young, you've been together three years, and you might end up staying in this and resenting him because in five years you may still find yourself childless and stuck right where you are now. It's a big decision you need to make. Be truly certain you want to risk losing him to find someone else who has the same immediate life goal in settling down and starting a family. It may take you a very long time to find a suitable partner. You have to consider your bf's level of maturity here. Guys do not mature as quickly as girls do. So yes he may have said he wanted babies, blah blah, but now that he sees your serious, he's backing off that. Listen to him. He means it.
    If you have other goals you are aspiring to attain, work on those together. Reevaluate it after another six months to see where you are both at. If you feel you're not moving forward and progressing towards marraige and a family then move on.
    And as a mom, I'll tell you yes babies are cute and adorable and cuddly, but they cost a great deal of money, get sick, get cranky, and need a great deal of your time and attention. And then they grow, and get even more expensive and cranky lol.
    Seriously, motherhood .....it's a lifelong commitment. You can't put the baby away like a doll on a shelf when you want to do something else. Make certain you really want this at a young age and are willing to sacrifice certain aspects of your life to raise a child. It looks so easy, but that's not reality. It's best to plan for it, have your finances in order, and be settled somewhat. Talk to a therapist and maybe you'll understand the root cause of this, and maybe you can determine a new time limit(age) of which you'd like to start a family by.

    Thank you so so much. That is exactly the advice I needed to hear. This is what I'm scared of, I'm so scared of resenting him but then I'm also scared of losing him. It's so difficult to know what to do because what if that happened, what if I find myself exactly in this situation again in five maybe even ten years time?! I want him to be happy and us to be happy, but I feel so hurt that he wasn't honest and just said he doesn't want children until much later earlier in the relationship. I would have understood and accepted that, completely! I've fallen in love with a man I thought wanted the same things as me so I've put so much energy into looking forward to those things starting instead of focussing on enjoying the moment. That's completely my fault, yes, but I'm just that type of person. I think that's the best and most sensible thing to do, to re-evaluate in 6 months. We're both working a lot lately and are very stressed so I think putting it behind us for now is sensible. I completely understand that babies change so much of your life and honestly, I've never been more sure about something. I'm so ready. Financially too. But it's such a precious and incredible experience, I want it to be with the right person and at the right time. I will wait, because I have to now, but it's the uncertainty of when it's going to happen that's always going to play on my mind.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by SweetGirl28
    Right. A healthy baby/ child is a huge commitment. Add in the chances of illness/ disabilities, it's more challenging.
    People don't always realize the what if's, they want the fairytale and then go into shell shock when it doesn't happen
    as expected. My daughter was a preemie and in intensive care and let me tell you even as a nurse I wasn't prepared for all she went through, and myself. Makes you very thankful for life and health, and gives a new perspective for certain.
    Absolutely. My son has autism and 4 learning disabilities. I have only been able to work part time since he was in grade 3 because he needs my support. He may be ready to leave home when I am ready for the old folks home .

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    It did finally work out for my husband and I. We became parents when he was 27 and I was 30. Even though he agreed he was still very resentful. He had severe anxiety. It took him a long time to get into his son. He eventually did. But it harmed our relationship for a long time and condemned us to only having one child.

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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    It did finally work out for my husband and I. We became parents when he was 27 and I was 30. Even though he agreed he was still very resentful. He had severe anxiety. It took him a long time to get into his son. He eventually did. But it harmed our relationship for a long time and condemned us to only having one child.
    I'm so sorry, is everything ok now though? You seem like a wonderful person and you've been so incredibly helpful to me so thank you.

  8. #37
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    Originally Posted by Bambip
    I'm so sorry, is everything ok now though? You seem like a wonderful person and you've been so incredibly helpful to me so thank you.
    Oh absolutely! My husband adores his son. They are very close. When young my husband didnít have the mental stability to be a dad and ran from responsibility.

    I am glad I could help.

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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Absolutely. My son has autism and 4 learning disabilities. I have only been able to work part time since he was in grade 3 because he needs my support. He may be ready to leave home when I am ready for the old folks home .
    I'm certain you're a great mom and provider, and he is blessed to have you, as you are to have him :)

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by SweetGirl28
    I'm certain you're a great mom and provider, and he is blessed to have you, as you are to have him :)
    We ď getĒ ( understand) each other. We love each other to bits. He is my universe.

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    Originally Posted by Bambip
    Thank you so so much. That is exactly the advice I needed to hear. This is what I'm scared of, I'm so scared of resenting him but then I'm also scared of losing him. It's so difficult to know what to do because what if that happened, what if I find myself exactly in this situation again in five maybe even ten years time?! I want him to be happy and us to be happy, but I feel so hurt that he wasn't honest and just said he doesn't want children until much later earlier in the relationship. I would have understood and accepted that, completely! I've fallen in love with a man I thought wanted the same things as me so I've put so much energy into looking forward to those things starting instead of focussing on enjoying the moment. That's completely my fault, yes, but I'm just that type of person. I think that's the best and most sensible thing to do, to re-evaluate in 6 months. We're both working a lot lately and are very stressed so I think putting it behind us for now is sensible. I completely understand that babies change so much of your life and honestly, I've never been more sure about something. I'm so ready. Financially too. But it's such a precious and incredible experience, I want it to be with the right person and at the right time. I will wait, because I have to now, but it's the uncertainty of when it's going to happen that's always going to play on my mind.
    Then wait this out. Don't throw away a perfectly good and loving relationship just because you might be at different points regarding a baby in the near future. It's worth waiting for, you have time. If your biological clock was ticking I'd advise you otherwise, but you can slow down for now. And honestly because you're stressed it wouldn't even be a healthy time for you to even try to conceive and be pregnant. Enjoy the now, pull back a bit on the conversation for now and readress it later.
    It would be sad to lose him because you might push him away with the ongoing baby talk.

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