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Thread: I'm ready for a baby, my partner said he was but has changed his mind

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I would move on to someone who shares your goals. Life goals MUST be shared to have a successful relationship.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    A 23 year old guy won't want a baby right now and yes, he has every right to stay young as he is in the prime of his life and a baby is not what he wants.
    If this is your dream and goal, you need to find a different man, one who is more settled in life and is ready for that kind of commitment.

    This guy is not ready and you would be forcing him. That won't ever be a good outcome for anyone.
    You need to find someone else to fulfill your dream with.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    What is harsh is having a baby to fill a void. What he is doing is sensible. He's trying to build a life. Achieve financial independence.
    Was your plan to have him support you financially once you get pregnant? You've just barely left your fathers house .
    You say you have sacrificed and haven't done what you want to do - why? That's on you.

    I disagree with finding an older man who will support you. I think you are avoiding growing up yourself

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by SweetGirl28
    What about marraige? You didn't even mention that , which I find odd.
    Your dad is right. You want different things and are in different places with your life goals.
    You want to travel but guess what? It will be difficult with the expense of a baby.
    Why don't you get your traveling out of the way now and focus on getting a ring on your finger
    and then see where you go from there. If having a baby in the near future is what you really want, then
    you need to leave this relationship and look for someone more settled and ready.

    Of course marriage is part of it, but that's not what I need help with, like I've said before. I know that, I wasn't saying I'd have a baby and then go off travelling. I always thought I would travel much, much later in life but now I'm thinking perhaps I should consider focusing on that now and babies later so I can keep my relationship. I agree, but I think what I'm looking for is how other people have moved on from situations like this.

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  6. #15
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    Itsallgrand - Ok so this is not why I've posted here. You don't know anything about me or my finances so that's completely irrelevant.

  7. #16
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Babies are a lot of work. I think it is natural for many to be jealous when they see everybody having a baby . I know that I wanted to be a young mom but I just did not have the proper skills at the time . Iím glad I waited until I was a bit older . My mom was a young mom and she struggled so much because she chose the wrong partner .

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Now that he's changed his mind I would move on ASAP. If you want to be a mom in your 20s, he's not the guy. When I was 39 I started dating my future husband. From day one we knew we didn't have a lot of time to conceive and we agreed we both wanted kids. We were very much in love. And if he had changed his mind I would have walked away that day. It's a package deal and please don't apologize for wanting a family. My friend's daughter is divorced now -she got married in her early 20s to a guy who was in his mid 20s and wanted kids soon after that. A year later she changed her mind -she wanted to wait at least 3-4 years so she could pursue a graduate degree. There were other issues in the relationship but that was the main dealbreaker. I was friends with her/her family but did not blame him one bit for walking away once she reneged on her promise. Being on the same page about family planning is a biggie IMO. i'm sorry he's going back on his word.
    Thank you, this is exactly the advice I was looking for. Yes definitely, it's huge being on the same page and wanting the same future. I love him so much, but I've now got to decide if it's the relationship I want or the future.

  9. #18
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    My dadís advice is he will never give me what I want or the happiness I want and I need to find someone older with similar goals to me, he said Iíll be waiting for years and even then he might not be ready and Iíll end up unhappy.
    Your dad's right. The fact of the matter is, MOST people are "planny" when it comes between certain life goals and having a baby. You're either going to have to start getting "planny" yourself, or settle on some guy who isn't really "planny" either. I think the former is better than the latter.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Wouldn't have been caught dead with a baby at 23. Hell, the lady and I have started sitting down and discussing time tables and, at 31, I think I'm just barely at that cusp.

    I think he's well within his rights to not be certain, and I'll be honest, I think you're gonna have a hard time finding a guy that young who is. Not saying it's at all impossible, but maybe start looking for recent college grads who have started their career and are anxious for "the next step."

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    A 23 year old guy won't want a baby right now and yes, he has every right to stay young as he is in the prime of his life and a baby is not what he wants.
    If this is your dream and goal, you need to find a different man, one who is more settled in life and is ready for that kind of commitment.

    This guy is not ready and you would be forcing him. That won't ever be a good outcome for anyone.
    You need to find someone else to fulfill your dream with.
    Have you not read my previous comments? I would never in a million years force him, I love him. I want him to be happy. Which is why I now need to decide whether I want this relationship or I want my goals more. I need help with what people would do to move forward on this situation, not nasty assumptions that I'm a horrid person trying to force him into growing up? This is something he said he wanted for years, he could have just told me he didn't want it from the beginning, I would have understood.

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