Very proud of myself :))

To give you a short background, i was dumped about 2 months ago by my ex gf of 3 years and I am doing relatively fine on the break up aspect.

Right after the break up, I started using Tinder and went on probably over 9 dates in total with mostly

good looking and financially stable girls who "were looking for serious relationships.

Needless to say, it did not work with any of them because either we did not click, or I liked them but they did not like me.

I become extremely frustrated with online dating (even posted about it) and was on the verge of giving up dating, feeling

down, inadequate, self esteem rock bottom and really depressed.

Then about a week ago, i decided to lower a bit my standards and messaged a girl who was mediocre at best lookwise (people would say that I could do much better lookwise).

we really clicked and we discovered that we had a lot of things in common. we spoke for about 4 days and then i decided to ask her out on Saturday night- which she seemed pretty

excited about. Then when Saturday came, i messaged her in the morning to confirm the date, no response from her, I messaged her again a couple of hours later and still nothing.

I understood the clue and just erased her from my contacts.

I posted a thread about it in here about how frustrated and down I am with that rejection, quoting from the post from saturday: "It is just very frustrating that you spend all of this energy on talking to the person for such a long time plus planning a nice date and then eventually this person doesn’t even have the audacity to say that she changes her mind and instead just ignoring.

I understand that nobody in this world owes you a thing (especially a person you never met before). I read this article how online dating websites and app take away pretty much all the responsibility away from people and allows them to switch dating matches like socks pretty much.

And yes technically you can just disappear especially if you never met the person behind the screen, But one thing that is unaccounted for is that behind the screen there is an actual person with real emotions (that were temporary invested into getting to know you and planning stuff ) and it can affect that person to some degree.

Long story short, yesterday met another girl online, a bit younger than me, and i asked her out to a restaurant and some billiard game after. She agreed to meet up with me today. So i made a reservation in a nice restaurant and was sitting outside of the entrance in my car waiting for her to come. Because it moved so fast, i did not ask for her number but we were chatting online though a dating website. I saw her parking her car and going to stand next to the entrance.

She was absolutely nothing like i expected (her photo was not too clear)- she was actually fairly chubby and looked older than her age (was not physically attractive).

My initial reaction was to drive away fast and erase her from the dating website- and she would probably never find me and i will not have to see her ever again.

after a couple of minutes of stress mode, a phrase that I mentioned on saturday just came back chasing me, it was the following phrase: " And yes technically you can just disappear especially if you never met the person behind the screen, But one thing that is unaccounted for is that behind the screen there is an actual person with real emotions (that were temporary invested into getting to know you and planning stuff ) and it can affect that person to some degree.

Suddenly i remembered how terrible i felt when i was rejected by that girl just because she probably found someone better than me and easily erased me after investing in her for a whole week,

and I told myself, I gonna be a better person, nobody deserves to be hurt like that, she did not do anything bad.

I went in, introduced myself, she is genuinely a nice person, and the best part is that we had an awesome conversation for 2 hours, probably better conversation than I had with most of the other "pretty girls" I went on date with.

The poor thing was afraid to order any food at the beginning (because she did not want me to spend money on her)- and offered to order only juice (it was evident that she was not treated well on her dates, she was very insecure about me getting anything for herself. I actually ordered for us 2 pretty expensive dishes because i felt that out of all the girls i dated and bought them dinners, this one actually deserves to get a good dinner and be treated well.

After the dinner we continued for a pool game and again I had much more fun with her than with most of the other "pretty girls" i went out on dates with, she is genuinely a good person who has no luck with her dating life because of the extra pounds. We will probably not become a couple, but i feel like i made a good friend for the long future :)

Awwww, omg I must tell you this just brought me to tears.

Absolutely beautiful. I hope you do form a long lasting friendship.

You can't help it if the physical attraction isn't there.

You both enjoyed your time out, no harm done.

Just be honest with her and tell her you only want to try to be friends.

Good for you! You took a chance on someone and now have a good friendship. I personally feel beauty is in the eye of the beholder as well.

While you think she is average some other guy may find her a knock out! At least you know you are generous and open minded and that will help you find the right girl.

Lisa

World needs more nice people who have respect for others. Keep on keeping on.

Still...I sure hope the girl you took out never see's this post because it's pretty clear that you don't see her on the same level as you and you felt sorry for her more than anything. Bet that wouldn't feel too good on her end.

I get that you felt you did "good" on being nice to the less than girl, but hopefully you will also lower you ego a tad and start to actually see her as a person who is on the same level as you and deserves more than your pity.

Maybe you can't see how you worded everything, but it left a bad taste in my mouth. No need to mention her weight, or her looks (or lack of) or her in comparison to "the pretty girls"..or how you did one up because you actually forced yourself to give time to someone you thought was not what you would choose.

I'm not tearing up, I am thinking you need to stop being so superficial in the first place.

Yeah, you were nice to a person, that's pretty much how everyone should be. Just because you were not treated the best says something about those people, not you.

This is more of a sad commentary on how people see kindness as something extraordinary and how it's okay to pity someone who isn't typically attractive.

Sherry, Interesting point of view. Perhaps you are right, I am not the greatest at expressing things at writing- the post was not suppose to be derogatory on any level. The point that I was trying to maje was that i could have taken the easy way out, just like many others but I decided not to. Sorry that you did not get the actual point of the post

Still...I sure hope the girl you took out never see's this post because it's pretty clear that you don't see her on the same level as you and you felt sorry for her more than anything. Bet that wouldn't feel too good on her end.

I get that you felt you did "good" on being nice to the less than girl, but hopefully you will also lower you ego a tad and start to actually see her as a person who is on the same level as you and deserves more than your pity.

 

Maybe you can't see how you worded everything, but it left a bad taste in my mouth. No need to mention her weight, or her looks (or lack of) or her in comparison to "the pretty girls"..or how you did one up because you actually forced yourself to give time to someone you thought was not what you would choose.

I'm not tearing up, I am thinking you need to stop being so superficial in the first place.

 

Yeah, you were nice to a person, that's pretty much how everyone should be. Just because you were not treated the best says something about those people, not you.

This is more of a sad commentary on how people see kindness as something extraordinary and how it's okay to pity someone who isn't typically attractive.

I didn't take his post to read that way at all. I think he made the realization that going after the hotter girls wasn't getting him a connection, and he's finding connections with girls that he wouldn't normally consider. This is expanding his dating

pool, IMHO. We all have traits and characteristics and standards we look for. And sometimes we find love in a person who didn't fit the criteria. I think his eyes opened to the possibility of appreciating different girls. This one wasn't physically what she had represented herself as, which is a problem with OLD. And many on there lie about their age too. And post old pictures. And photoshop their pictures. I know countless people this has happened to. So you go with an image in mind but in reality they aren't looking that way any more, which is what seems happened here.

I don't feel he pitied her, I feel he realized she took the time to get ready, she showed up, and he gave it a chance. If it was for pity he would have had a quick drink and excused himself.

Good for you Sweetgirl, but in my humble opinion, I didn't ask what you thought. And to be honest, I'm not interested in what you thought.

I was commenting to the OP.

Good for you Sweetgirl, but in my humble opinion, I didn't ask what you thought. And to be honest, I'm not interested in what you thought.

I was commenting to the OP.

In my humble opinion I didn't ask you to be rude lol

I'm stating the truth about OLD. Take a poll here and see how many people have had a date show up who

didn't look as they represented themselves in their profile pics. It will be a lot, guaranteed.

Maybe the OP wasn't interested in your backlash on him.

As a female who attracts a great deal of attention, I too get turned down.

Some men don't like my look because they think I'm high maintenance, and I'm not.

I often get called Barbie, and it gets annoying sometimes. I take care of myself.

I get for myself, ask for nothing. So it isn't only chubby less attractive girls that don't

have all the success. Those of us considered by men to be attractive get blown off too.

Again, I am not interested in what you have to say.

I was posting to the OP and whatever you think is not here nor there to me. Thanks but no thanks.

Besides, if you didn't want me to speak directly to you and tell you what I thought, perhaps you should take note. You're the one who challenged my views, not the other way around.

OP, sorry for the detailing of your thread. I won't banter with her.

You stayed, you had fun, you possibly made a friend. No harm done.

Maybe it's better to get out and meet people in person so that you see who they are and if you

have the physical attraction. It can develop when not immediate by spending time with someone,

so you never know what will come of anything. However physical attraction is important initially

because it's what draws us into someone. Then we want to know them.

In my humble opinion I didn't ask you to be rude lol

I'm stating the truth about OLD. Take a poll here and see how many people have had a date show up who

didn't look as they represented themselves in their profile pics. It will be a lot, guaranteed.

Maybe the OP wasn't interested in your backlash on him.

 

As a female who attracts a great deal of attention, I too get turned down.

Some men don't like my look because they think I'm high maintenance, and I'm not.

I often get called Barbie, and it gets annoying sometimes. I take care of myself.

I get for myself, ask for nothing. So it isn't only chubby less attractive girls that don't

have all the success. Those of us considered by men to be attractive get blown off too.

I go to the exact same impression sherrysher got. It was condescending. And let's call a spade a spade, based on the posters posts and timeline 9 dates in two months, doesn't take a rocket scientist to recognize he's desperately trying to rebound. If I remember correctly he thought he'd be able to snatch someone up in a jiffy cause he's such a catch and was disappointed girls weren't falling over themselves to date him, now he's reduced himself to getting his ego boost from girls below his dating pool. And y'all are trying to act like he's saint theresa.

You don't need to banter, sweetheart. But it is possible to voice your opinion without challenging someone else's views.

I didn't say a word to you, it was the other way around. I am just replying.

Agreed, figureitout.

I go to the exact same impression sherrysher got. It was condescending. And let's call a spade a spade, based on the posters posts and timeline 9 dates in two months, doesn't take a rocket scientist to recognize he's desperately trying to rebound. If I remember correctly he thought he'd be able to snatch someone up in a jiffy cause he's such a catch and was disappointed girls weren't falling over themselves to date him, now he's reduced himself to getting his ego boost from girls below his dating pool. And y'all are trying to act like he's saint theresa.

Well that's his issue to deal with if he's rebounding. Everyone knows that's a bad idea.

But it's his choice, his life, his needs. i don't see him getting an ego boost, I see it as his ego

was deflated and he accepted it. Blame my left handed right brain, idk. It's my opinion.

Your opinion is yours. Maybe he's cocky and arrogant in real life. I'd turn him down for that,

even if he was the hottest guy I ever layed my eyes upon. Maybe he likes bit*** women.

I couldn't agree with you more sherry ...every word and I logged on just to tell you ...and now going back to my own world.

Op I read this out to my daughter ...my curvy , insecure , thinks she is worthless daughter and she is as disgusted as I am and all this kissing your @rse is ridiculous , your description of women makes me sick and it is men like you who rot the souls of girls like my daughter .

Thank you, love. And your daughter is beautiful.

'mediocre' 'fairly chubby', you sound a right catch you do. Maybe these women see you as not as attractive as you think you are too? I feel you will still go for the pretty girls and coming on here to get a pat on the back for meeting 'mediocre' girls and giving them a chance grinds my gears. You went straight into dating two month after a long term relationship, stop using women to make yourself feel better and do some work on yourself. If you can get over a 3 year relationship to date after 2 month then that says more about you than any other woman you 'date'. Rebound and trying to get your ego massaged. Wrong.

bang on agree 100% with figureitout

I for one agree and enjoyed seeing your viewpoint, SweetGirl. :)

I for one agree and enjoyed seeing your viewpoint, SweetGirl. :)

Thank you, lol

My best OLD experiences were when I met men who otherwise didn't present themselves well in their profile.

They were either not photogenic or not very descriptive.

It possibly had a lot to do with having low expectations, because I didn't have much else to go on and then end up being pleasantly surprised.

I've a met few men that I was actually 2nd guessing agreeing to a meet n greet with, only to have my jaw drop when they walked up to me because they were so much more attractive in person.

Maybe not just by physical appearance alone, but more of a 3 dimensional way.

They way they carried themselves and mostly their personality. All things combined make up attraction.

Those that had pretty, almost professionally done profiles were more often than not, disappointing.

The take away. . give someone a chance you might otherwise not. You might be surprised.

I read somewhere once that our initial knee-jerk reaction to people (flash judgments) are not the ones we should pay attention to, because those are the preconditioned responses we are basically trained from birth for. Rather, we should pay attention to our more reasoned second reaction as it is a more honest representation of our true self.

Whether or not that is true, I don't know... but it stuck with me. I'm sure, at times, those reactions will be the same even upon reflection, but hey.

Not saying you deserve a pat on the back for this, as it comes across as more of a pity-date than genuine growth (you're not going to accept the "few pounds" as a potential future partner, from the way your post sounds) but it's definitely a step in the right direction to broadening your horizons and acknowledging that other people have feelings and treating them as you'd want to be treated were the situation reversed. (And no, I'm not saying you have to date her/be attracted to her/whatever. Just see it for what it actually is.)

Suddenly i remembered how terrible i felt when i was rejected by that girl just because she probably found someone better than me and easily erased me after investing in her for a whole week, and I told myself, I gonna be a better person, nobody deserves to be hurt like that, she did not do anything bad.

It's nice to see someone have a moment of insight. The ability to do this cannot be overrated, in my opinion.

Have to admit, though, the following made me cringe:

Then about a week ago, i decided to lower a bit my standards and messaged a girl who was mediocre at best lookwise (people would say that I could do much better lookwise).

she was actually fairly chubby and looked older than her age (was not physically attractive).

 

My initial reaction was to drive away fast and erase her from the dating website- and she would probably never find me and i will not have to see her ever again.