My 8y/o said she feels sorry for me😢

Little back story I have an 8 y/o daughter and 7 y/o son. My ex and I divorced almost 4 years ago. He is now engaged to a wonderful woman who is great with my kids and he appears happy as well.

I have had a few relationships that have ended. My kids have met 2 of the guys and the relationships were no longer than a year. I DO NOT want to remarry and I’ve decided to not introduce boyfriends to my children.

The other day I was walking to my car after a little league practice and it was raining. The kids left with Dad and his Fiancé and I walked alone to my car. The other day my 8y/o daughter said she felt sorry for me when I was walking to my car in the rain. I said why? She said because your alone. I sorta laughed and said, baby mommy went home and then a movie with my friend Jen. I’m alone but not lonely. Then she started crying and said but we are your only family here. (My entire family lives out of state) I told her that she and her brother are all the family I need to be happy and that we will make a greater effort to see my family in Texas. She said mommy why don’t you find someone and get married. I like having us together in our house I don’t need to be married now to be happy. Someday maybe mommy will be married but I’m happy having you and brother alllll to myself.

My son has also said things like this which I don’t think is healthy. I’ve said to them that their job is not to worry about mommy that it is my job to take care and worry about them. Still it is little comfort. My little girl is watching me regularly asking if I’m ok and what I’m feeling if I’m happy etc. I must look pathetic to them and I need to turn this around.

As an FYI I have friends, I’m gainfully employed, own a home and love being their mother. I’m very active with my babies and wee do all sorts of fun things together. I’m not laid out on the couch... however, I am depressed and do feel alone at times which is natural. I must be giving them bad vibes ugh...

I need words of advise about this maybe even encouragement. I’m doing the very best I can for my kids and I feel that I’m failing because they pity me.

It's a phase your kids are going through. 6-8 years olds are learning social skills, they're starting to think about the future, they're starting to understand how things work, they're paying attention to friendships and relationships, they want to be liked by their friends, and they're showing more concern for others. From what you are saying, I think this is the time in their development when they're starting to understand your situation as a single parent. They've seen that grown people are married. Their dad has found a new girl. They're putting two and two together and they're asking about you getting married or having friends. All perfectly natural. They're not feeling sorry for you. They're just asking questions, getting answers, and trying to understand what marriage is all about. I think you've answered them correctly and lovingly and soon you'll be moving into the 8-10 year old level of development when they start showing more independence from you and start moving within larger groups of friends. Treasure this stage while you can. And don't worry.

I don't think its anything to worry about. I'm in the same boat as you and my daughter aged 9 often makes remarks like this as well. She tends to make them more if she hears her daddy has a girlfriend. I usually laugh about and get super dramatic....'oooh poor me, i'm allllll alone, no one loves me' and then we have a giggle because she knows that's not true. I'm concerned though that you seem to be fulfilled and coping well with everything, yet you say you are depressed? Are you getting help for this?

Sorry to hear this. Kids have idealized views of things. Try to protect them from your own funks, kids are perceptive and can pick up on this. Perhaps family counselling to help them process the divorce would help. It may help you cope with your own issues as well.

I am depressed and do feel alone at times which is natural. I must be giving them bad vibes ugh...

Sorry to hear this. Kids have idealized views of things. Try to protect them from your own funks, kids are perceptive and can pick up on this. Perhaps family counselling to help them process the divorce would help. It may help you cope with your own issues as well.

Charity-Yes I am :) i have a psychiatrist and take meds etc. The worst of the depression was early on. Now, the depression I experience is more controlled and situational. My psych has taught me how to take control my thoughts (I have a mood disorder) in a more positive direction.

Charity- that made me giggle I will work on my acting skills and get dramatic too! I can see them laughing about it.

It's a phase your kids are going through. 6-8 years olds are learning social skills, they're starting to think about the future, they're starting to understand how things work, they're paying attention to friendships and relationships, they want to be liked by their friends, and they're showing more concern for others. From what you are saying, I think this is the time in their development when they're starting to understand your situation as a single parent. They've seen that grown people are married. Their dad has found a new girl. They're putting two and two together and they're asking about you getting married or having friends. All perfectly natural. They're not feeling sorry for you. They're just asking questions, getting answers, and trying to understand what marriage is all about. I think you've answered them correctly and lovingly and soon you'll be moving into the 8-10 year old level of development when they start showing more independence from you and start moving within larger groups of friends. Treasure this stage while you can. And don't worry.

Thank you for this❤️

I will be sure to treasure this wonderful phase.

It's a phase your kids are going through. 6-8 years olds are learning social skills, they're starting to think about the future, they're starting to understand how things work, they're paying attention to friendships and relationships, they want to be liked by their friends, and they're showing more concern for others. From what you are saying, I think this is the time in their development when they're starting to understand your situation as a single parent. They've seen that grown people are married. Their dad has found a new girl. They're putting two and two together and they're asking about you getting married or having friends. All perfectly natural. They're not feeling sorry for you. They're just asking questions, getting answers, and trying to understand what marriage is all about. I think you've answered them correctly and lovingly and soon you'll be moving into the 8-10 year old level of development when they start showing more independence from you and start moving within larger groups of friends. Treasure this stage while you can. And don't worry.

Just wanted to chime in and say Excellent advice DanZee! I agree fully, if you keep the lines of communication open with your curious kids, you are doing the best thing for them! I always tell my kids that "my door is always open" and I'm always there for any conversations they want to have. It's served them well for almost 8 years.

Also, don't worry matching your ex's relationship status. Enjoy your time with them and if a man comes along that is great for you and the kids, it can be icing on the cake.

Once, when my niece was around 4, she said, "Who are you married to?", and I said I wasn't married, and she didn't understand. She then ran through the entire family, aunts, uncles, cousins, and rattled off who each adult was married to, and then asked how come I was the only one not married.

I gotta be honest, it stung a bit! But kids are just honest little beings, and they call 'em as they see 'em.

Kids are perceptive. If you are dealing with depression, they'll sense it. You don't have to be crying your eyes out or lying on the couch feeling sorry for yourself. Also, it's an age thing. Yes, they are seeing the world appropriate for their age - black and white. Plus, they are entering that age where fitting in and being a part of the group so to speak is a huge deal and being by yourself or alone or different from the group makes one a weirdo.

That said, you might want to ask your psych how to address this on their level and in a way that they start to understand that being single is not a bad thing for an adult.

I think too your kids are trying to decide which is the right way to live . If daddy is with somebody and mommy isn’t then what is the right way to be. See? They just don’t understand yet that both is OK .