Breaking the Ice to Explore Together

Hello everyone,

My wife and I are needing some input from others who have been down this road before. We have been married for 13 years now, and we love each other deeply. She is the best thing to ever happen to me. One of our secrets to having a happy marriage is good communication; we talk about and share everything with each other. There is no subject we are afraid of to talk with each other about. That leads us to the topic of this thread.

For a little over a year now, my wife has indicated what I interpret as bi-curious feeling and thoughts. Here lately we have had a lot of discussions of her being with another woman, to at very least explore it. We were both raised in a "one man, one woman" type households. So that has been ingrained into both of us. However, I want her to be able to explore her desires, and be the supportive husband I should be. Like any other guy out there, the possibility of a FFM is a fantasy of mine, just to be honest about it.

As with other women of my past, my focus is always on her well-being and happiness. I am the type of guy that gets pleasure out of putting her pleasure first. If she is happy, then I am happy. Like I said before, my wife and I are madly in love with each other, and neither of us have any desires to split from each other. We enjoy life together. Over the past few months we have discussed about bringing in another woman into our relationship.

My ex-wife was the first person to bring up the idea of an open relationship. At that time, my "one man, one woman" upbringing really came out, and fights happened. Over time, my ex-wife finally convinced me to let another guy in by promising me that she will bring in another woman for me at a later time. My ex-wife and I had had our first MFM, but then I never received my FFM that was promised to me. I never felt so used and betrayed in all my life. We eventually divorced due to her infidelity of going behind my back. She broke the very rules we agreed upon. I was lied to and felt manipulated to allow her to sleep with other men behind my back. One of them was the best man at our wedding. This has left a bad taste in my mouth about having an open marriage.

Fast forward to my current wife, what has happened in the past to me has caused me to be cautious. I totally trust my wife with my heart. She has proven that to me time and again over the years. We both worship the ground each other walks on. Our conversations about bringing in another woman started over a year or so ago when she commented about the hotness of a woman on TV. It totally took me by surprise. My curiosity spoke up and proceeded to question her about it. Yes, I have always had the fantasy of a FFM, but that has only been a fantasy deep in the back of my mind. Based on both of our upbringings, I figured a FFM would never happen. Now we have been in discussions about it, and the last thing I want to do is keep her from exploring her sexuality.

I have been doing a lot of research about this, and come to find out, it seems like a normal thing that couples go through. On the other hand, I don't want to come off as "pushy" towards her about having a FFM. I want it to be natural experience for her. To be honest, it does seem that I tend to start these discussions more than her, but she does start them from time to time.

Over the last 3-4 months we have been sharing pictures of beautiful women with each other on Instagram. Come to find out, she is attracted to women's legs. We both rate the women on there. We even have a game that we play every weekend when we walk the local mall together, called "Hot or Not". I have explored the possibility of downloading and signing up on some "couples dating" apps I have found that connects couples with potential lovers. However, I don't know if it would be too soon to bring this up to my wife as an avenue to help her explore her sexuality.

It's like all the signs are there to my wife wanting and willing to be with another woman, but it's like there is something there blocking it from going any further. Yes, I would love to have an FFM, but my focus is on her happiness. We have agreed to not go behind each other's back about this, and that any intimate experience will be with the other person there. I would be willing to give up a FFM and just spectate only in order for my wife to explore her sexuality.

I just want to be the best husband I can be, and support my wife in exploring her sexuality. Are we missing something here? What can we do to break down what ever is blocking us from going to the next level?

I think the "problem" here is that it's a fantasy and it's best to keep it that way. Actually doing it is messy and there can be all sorts of repercussions that come out of it including jealousy and what happened with your first marriage. Even Playboy chimed in advising a couple to pick up an attractive stranger at a bar, someone who doesn't know them, and invite them to a three way. But even Playboy cautioned that this was usually a bi-curious event and the husband is basically in the way. I would suggest you just tell your wife that you give her a free pass if she wants to sleep with a woman to see how it is. Chances are she probably won't act on it, but it might be enough to soothe her curiosity.

Thanks for the input on that. I never thought about going that way with it. I will discuss it with her, and see what happens. She is my everything, and I want her to be happy. Our relationship is simply amazing together.

Thanks for the input on that. I never thought about going that way with it. I will discuss it with her, and see what happens. She is my everything, and I want her to be happy. Our relationship is simply amazing together.

Threesomes ended your first marriage. It seems you want payback for your FFM, that your ex wife "promised". At this point your current wife seems to go along with your fantasies about it, but you, not she, are downloading threesome apps. If you are willing to risk this marriage too, then go for it.