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Thread: Should I stay? Am I being unrealistic about marriage?

  1. #41
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Thank you all. There are so many angles. Relationships are so complex aren't they?
    There is no "one size fits all", so we have to try different viewpoints.

    Seems the more I delve into meaning in my marriage, the more confusing it gets.
    I like what IAmFCA mentioned about reframing as "no good, no bad". Sounds like if I can get out of my own way and just stay kind all throughout, things will all work out.

    Greg40s Yes, it's been quite a journey with this marriage. My first 9 year marriage was so simple and so easy. This one has been much tougher, but like no two people are alike, no marriages are alike.

    Thanks for all your words everyone.

    Aside from love languages and polarity theories, maybe my goal should be to simplify and not overthink.
    I can simply focus on being a kind supportive loving person to everyone in my life (family, friends, co-worker, children and wife) and see where that takes me.
    Maybe at the end of the day, I should let go of wanting to receive and continue on giving unconditionally. I've seen many succeed at that.

    Have a great weekend everyone!

  2. #42
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    Try different things in the bedroom. The same old thing gets boring after awhile. I agree with @ThatwasThen as well, you can't judge a woman on the fact that she won't orgasm every time. Everyone is different. It can happen immediately or after an hour or two of several different positions. Your expectations should only be what you expect of yourself every time you have sex. Putting the pressure on her will make her lock up emotionally, and as a result the other 30% you mentioned that aren't the sex-related issues are entirely attributed from that feeling.

    Opening her up to a newer & different kind of sexual experience would show her what she's missing out on. Ask her what she enjoys the most, and then build from there. The second you allow judgment to enter the bedroom, game over.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Betterwithout
    Thank you all. There are so many angles. Relationships are so complex aren't they?
    There is no "one size fits all", so we have to try different viewpoints.

    Seems the more I delve into meaning in my marriage, the more confusing it gets.
    I like what IAmFCA mentioned about reframing as "no good, no bad". Sounds like if I can get out of my own way and just stay kind all throughout, things will all work out.

    Greg40s Yes, it's been quite a journey with this marriage. My first 9 year marriage was so simple and so easy. This one has been much tougher, but like no two people are alike, no marriages are alike.

    Thanks for all your words everyone.

    Aside from love languages and polarity theories, maybe my goal should be to simplify and not overthink.
    I can simply focus on being a kind supportive loving person to everyone in my life (family, friends, co-worker, children and wife) and see where that takes me.
    Maybe at the end of the day, I should let go of wanting to receive and continue on giving unconditionally. I've seen many succeed at that.

    Have a great weekend everyone!
    OP

    Be a kind loving and supportive person to yourself first, before all else. When you th8nk about it, it relates directly to how you interact generously with others. Remember to respect your own voice first, that way, you will feel energized by your choices and have plenty of "you" available to focus on others.

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