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Thread: Holding Guilt for something I did in the past

  1. #1

    Holding Guilt for something I did in the past

    Alright, strap in. This is a lot to explain, and I just really really need advice on what to do, or how to do it.

    My girlfriend and I started talking and gaining feelings for each other in December, but we both said that we wouldn't be a "boyfriend and girlfriend" relationship, just talking or "a thing."

    Fast forward to February, a week or so before we officially started to date. I had just hung up on her because she fell asleep on call, and I was extremely lonely, bored, and horny. I started snapping this one girl, and at some point, the conversation led towards kinda joking about sex and such. I had no intention on doing anything with this girl, but she sent me nudes, and in the state I was in, I took interest (I'm not proud of it), and sent a pic back (also VERY not proud of that).
    We kinda flirted a bit, and then both went to sleep. I woke up feeling absolutely awful about what I had done in a fit of impulsiveness.

    Fast forward to Valentine's day, and my girlfriend and I started officially dating, but ever since then, I've held some IMMENSE guilt over what I have done and vowed to myself to never EVER do anything like that again. I haven't ever since. I've definitely improved as a person, and haven't even gotten close to engaging in this behavior ever since then.

    My friends tell me since I wasn't officially dating her, it wasn't too big of a deal, but my girlfriend and I talk about everything, and I feel so nasty and disgusting holding this from her. If I tell her this, I know she won't ever trust me again, understandably.

    But I cannot lose her. I've lost her once already, and I quite literally cried for a straight week at the mention of her name. We're back together again, but I've held so much guilt for doing this, and I just don't know what to do. I need help, badly.

    I know this is just so bad and I need to take consequences for my actions, but I just don't know what to do. I can't lose her again, but I know what I did was awful, even if we were so-called "not actually dating at the time."

    What do I do?
    Last edited by GuiltHolder; 09-05-2020 at 09:48 AM. Reason: Adding information

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    We've all done things we regret. Technically, you weren't in a committed relationship and could talk to any other woman you wanted to. Just as when people do online dating, you might chat and go on dates with multiple people, and it's a don't ask, don't tell situation. It's not the anybody's else's business, and it's not a pleasant topic, so discussing what's going on to others is unwise and you're ethically fine.

    Give yourself a break. You learned from this and are now exclusive with her, so the boundaries have changed and you're practicing them. It will scar your relationship if you tell her, and ethically she doesn't need to know. Stop feeling guilty because you're doing the right thing.

    What's more concerning is that she once broke up with you already. What was that about? Because on again, off again relationships usually mean a person isn't right for you. Did she bail instead of working on issues with you?

  3. #3
    You're right, and that's what all my friends are saying as well, all I can say is that I feel terrible, but I suppose that will fade away with just a bit of time.

    About that, there were certain circumstances at her home that made her panic and make a few rash decisions. We've both learned from that experience, and she promises to never make any pre-made decisions without talking to me about it. Nowadays, if something comes up, we talk about it and try our best to resolve everything.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She doesn't need your permission to make decisions.
    Originally Posted by GuiltHolder
    she promises to never make any pre-made decisions without talking to me about it.

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  6. #5
    I know that, and I wasn't saying she needs my permission. This was a promise she made to me: the reason we broke up in the past was because she panicked about something without talking to anyone about the matter. Everyone around her was saying to not break up with me, and she didn't listen.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why is your very troubled relationship littered with on/off, breakups, sexting others and all sorts of other nonsense? have you met in person? How old is she?

    BTW, she doesn't need your permission to dump you again, and judging from your proclivity to "get horny bored and sext" others, it was probably the right call.
    Originally Posted by GuiltHolder
    : the reason we broke up in the past was because she panicked about something without talking to anyone about the matter.

  8. #7
    We're both 18, and my proclivity hasn't been a proclivity for months now. I get where you're coming from though, but I like to think that we both learn from some mistakes, which we both believe we've done.

  9. #8
    Oh and we've met in person. Started out as high school friends.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Give yourself a break! What you did before you were bf and gf doesn't matter. Get over it! You say you have learned from what you did, so move on. Guilt is such a waste of emotion.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I would stop with the confiding in friends. You never know which of your friends might decide to let it "slip" to your girlfriend. Then she'd be REALLY mad.

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