Father entering life after abondonment

I will try to make a long story short but I will have to therefore leave alot out. My son is almost 3 and he has only met his Dad once when he was 9 months old. His father basically abandon us when I was pregnant in order to drink and have sex with someone else. But he also denied the baby was his and when I was pregnant I moved 2000 miles away. But I did file for child support so he is on birth cert. But my child support case has been stuck in the enforcement system for 3 years and I dont even have an order yet. I think its because there is no parenting plan and they are trying to force me to make one and if I dont they wont do a child support order. So there is a bunch of legal issues that would need to be worked out. He says he wants a relationship with the baby but does not make the effort, it is just a very high conflict situation. Tonight I am upset because I was reading emails I sent him while I was pregnant ( that werent responded to ever ) trying so hard to work something out with him. To try to make a life for the baby. At that point I was still really open to ideas on making something work. It was just hell because he was like a brick wall and didnt want to do anything. So once he later decided he did want to see his son I wanted him to make a big effort but it was minimal. Being 2000 miles away in a high conflict parenting situation with a 3 year old doesnt make for a parenting plan that would be very effective or practical, especially with someone who doesnt want to try much. But if I am forced into doing it how could it possibly benefit my son? And I really want nothing to do with him, I have PTSD from him and I cant deal with anymore from him, its been 3 years and I still dont feel like I can.

Its very hard to trust a father that abandoned his first born child at birth not to skip out when things get tough. I feel like I should wait longer to deal with this till my son is older. But I also feel so bad that my son doesnt have a Dad. But like I said before I tried to keep him in the baby's life but he didnt want to then. What is the point of me making the effort again? ( Well to get the child support I guess ) But he said he will never come to our state to visit he only wants him to go there and I dont want him to go there at all. There is just so much to fight about! And I will never move closer to him, that is out of the question, I mean abandoning a child at birth is very serious and alot of people dont come back from that, so understand it is a very hard situation. I have another son with my ex husband I co parent with even though I dont like him but he already had a bond with the child and never walked away so trust me its very different. I did give the baby's father a chance when he was 9 months old I went over there for 6 weeks ( stayed with my family ) and he only saw him 1 time and another time for 15mins. And I made 7 offers in 6 weeks ( one of which was the baby's 1st Christmas and he refused to see him because he wanted to spend time with his girlfriend instead ) and he refused 5 times. So that just proved to me I made the right choice to leave after he told me to f#@* off when I was 8 months pregnant. But he still says he wants to be invloved ( but I stopped talking to him a year ago and he has not tried to fix anything or go to court, all he is doing is fighting the child support ) and it seems I am being forced to get a parenting plan even though I dont want to parent with him and he isnt interested much. So I feel like I should pull away more and change my number again so he can never call again. But then I will feel more bad for my son but his Dad sucks so what can I do??!!!

The best thing you can do is stop communicating with the father and do the right thing by your son. This means put ALL your effort into securing child support.

A parent must pay child support by law but does not have to be involved otherwise.

Well to get the child support I guess. all he is doing is fighting the child support.

I am confused. If he isn't making an effort to be involved, isn't that a good thing? Since you don't want him to be involved. You have to come to some agreement, sign some papers I presume. Then you get your child support, and he sees his son once in a blue moon. That doesn't sound very taxing on you. And at least your son gets to know his father, maybe it'd be better if he didn't have to, but it is his father

Tell the father until your son is old enough to travel on a plane alone (with the assistance of airline staff, I don't know what age it is where you are, where I live it's 5 yrs), he will have to either come visit, or see his son when you are staying with family. Tell him you are unable to take a holiday to be where he is whenever he wants to see his son. So, the constraints basically set the terms for him seeing his son. He will have to visit. And if he doesn't visit, tough luck on him. He still has to pay child support. Stop offering to bend over backwards for him to see his son. Say, "Yes, sure, you can have a relationship with your child. For your child's wellbeing, can we finalise the child support and parenting arrangements?"

And then let him reach out. Stop doing so much work. You carry on with your life, and the father comes to visit when he wants to see his son. And later on, I think if he wants to see his son, he pays for travel costs and makes the arrangements

I think this situation will be a lot easier on you if you just back right off. Doesn't sound like this guy will interfere in your life or your son's life very much

How did he abandon your son if you flew 2000 miles away while you were pregnant?

Because he told me to f@#& off and he didnt want anything to do with the baby, he deined the child was his, didnt do anything during the pregnancy. It was going to be that way no matter where we lived. Before he knew I moved he didnt contact me from 8 months pregnant to when the baby was 5 months old. Im mean he literally was not there the whole time. I had come back to TX to be with him I didnt live there I just moved back to where I lived once the relationship didnt work out and he told me he didnt want the baby.

I think you need to talk to your lawyer and ask what a typical parenting plan is. I don't think such a plan would require you to fly 2000 miles for the baby daddy to see his kid. You could propose a plan where the child might be available for viewing for example any Saturday the father wants to fly 2000 miles to see him. The courts deal with absentee fathers all the time and I've never heard of a situation where a guy could just hide and escape any support payments. You might have to go back to the father's home state to file for wage garnishment. I don't know much about the situation and states differ as to how they approach things. Obviously a lawyer can talk you through that situation. You can get free legal aid if you don't make much money.

I would get child support and let the court determine how and when he is able to see the child. Keep your emotions about how he did try or didn't try before out of it. He is the child's father regardless about how you feel about him. If he is on the birth certificate and he is not a dangerous person (no domestic arrests, etc,), you cannot prevent him from seeing the child just because the romantic part didn't work out. So get your child support and stop negotiating with him about it. Get a parenting plan and get your child support in order.

How did he abandon your son if you flew 2000 miles away while you were pregnant?

Good question. It really doesn't show a cooperative effort on your part if you claimed you were trying to make it work and wanted him in the child's life if you didn't get court permission.