He Doesn't want to Drive to me anymore

I live with my mom. He got in a fight with her over invading our privacy. He no longer wants to drive up no matter what i say. He wants me to drive down, originally I said I would every other weekend. But I'm having 2nd thoughts.

I feel like he should want to see me and make the effort. After all it was his decision to date 100 miles away. I was looking more locally but he pressured me to date just him. I liked him and was too nice, now I'm in a position I'm not liking and want to be more true to myself.

He said he would move up here but never wants to come up here, I think he's lying and wants me to move down there. I'm considering breaking up with him because hes unwilling to compromise. He acts like he hates my momthough he says he doesn't.

His words and actions don't match. He says he'll respect me, I don't think hickeys are showing me respect for example. He finally quit putting them on my neck. But honestly. He says one thing does another. Mom says she saw angry eyes. I saw scary eyes from him once myself when he disrespected me sexually.

Is there a way to work things out. Or should I end it? There's a lot I like about him, but these are the problems.

jetta, he doesn't want to make any effort, he wants you to make all the moves, he pressured you to date him, he's 100 miles away and causing fights with your family, and he's doing things to you that you don't want. He is not good news.

He says he'll respect you? When? Being with him, even you're not respecting you.

Isn't he about to lose his property? You are considering all of this for someone you have known three months?

To me it sounds like there's many issues here and it's unlikely to work out long term. If he's refusing to compromise then the burden falls unfairly on you. His uncompromising attitude and disrespect towards your mum and yourself will make it very hard to maintain a healthy relationship, my advice would be to breakup.

To me it sounds like there's many issues here and it's unlikely to work out long term. If he's refusing to compromise then the burden falls unfairly on you. His uncompromising attitude and disrespect towards your mum and yourself will make it very hard to maintain a healthy relationship, my advice would be to breakup.

I agree with girl1.

His place is no longer in foreclosure. He's selling it to his cousins.

Sorry to hear this but a 3 mos. in it may be best to cut your losses. It may be difficult to date as long as you live with a parent. Try to date locally and don't let guys give you hickeys if you don't want that and don't date guys long distance if you don't want that.

it was his decision to date 100 miles away.. I don't think hickeys are showing me respect

The others may see something I don't, but without knowing what exactly this fight over invading your and his privacy was about, I really have no reason to doubt him given your thread history. So I'm not seeing what "compromise" there is to be had. He drive 100 miles to stay at your house with your overbearing mother? Or he drive 100 miles for the privilege of then paying for a hotel for the weekend (an expense I'm assuming you couldn't spare, given your post history and your stated financial goals)?

That's not really a defense of the guy as-- and I'm trying to put this as nicely as I can-- I simply can't buy that any guy without a whole duffel bag of his own problems would be looking to take on such a project of a relationship. I just don't think it's necessarily productive to give you any illusions that this is a good guy / bad guy situation. There are a million and one reasons this whole thing shouldn't, couldn't, and seemingly inevitably won't work. I sincerely hope, at some point, you'll stop looking for a knight and really put 100% into improving your situation, independently getting out on your own, and getting proper visitation again with your kid. Best of luck to you, Jetta.

Right. What about your daughter? Shouldn't the focus be on her?

Well I'm seeing my daughter again, and working with the parental liaison. I am working on becoming more independent. I'm on waitlist for housing up here. He of course wants me to move in, it's cheaper and I could move in right now. But I'm not ready to move in with him yet. He says it was love at first sight, my friends say I have a different look around him that I haven't had before, like I'm comfortable which I generally am. Also my job isn't secure my boss is being evaluated. So I'm putting out a few applications. I'm debating about putting in apps near him. I get free hotel stays Sunday through Thursday at a casino nearby, so he would at least have 1 night away from mom. But right now his car is needing repairs, so he won't be traveling and I just fixed mine it's old but still runs. I take care of it.

I don't think that it is legal for a bf move into section 8 housing. Don't screw this up!

"Love at first sight," is lust. If this is meant to work, then you can wait at least a year before moving in together.

I saw scary eyes from him once myself when he disrespected me sexually.

Forget the power struggle over driving, THIS would be my red flag to exit.

I don't plan on him moving in with me if I'm in section 8. That's my independent living plan, which I'm putting in place. I have my name on 2 apartment lists, getting an ARMS worker to help me so I don't crack up again living alone. Working on seeing my daughter, my plans are going forward with the help of my case manager. I'm improving my credit. Paying off debts, next step is working on savings. When your out of work for a year and ambulanced and hospitalized more than once, you build up some debt. I've paid most back, government steps in too. By March I'll be saving money is my plan. I told my mom I'd be moving out in June, but I really mean around June.

If my boyfriend is willing to move up here will get a place together that's market rate. If he's unwilling to relocate we will have to break up. Because I talked to my therapist today and she helped me gain insight into why I need to stay up here. I did tell her it's not all bad down there, but she helped me identify factors that I considered by not entirely.