College negatively affecting bf, and he's acting different towards me

Hello, thank you for checking out my post.

So, my long distance boyfriend & I are both 18. We live about 6 hours apart. We've known eachother for 4 years and dated for 2 years. We've never had the chance to meet in real life.. due to some family issues on my part (racist stepdad and my b/f is black :( ) which I know is already an issue of itself, but we'd coped well with it so far and we planned to change that since we both turned 18 within the last 6 months.

However.. my boyfriend went into college in August of last year. I was originally very proud of him, he did well at the start, but it's become an issue now - not only for his life in general but also for our relationship. This is because of his friends/roommate.

They've gotten him involved with partying - which I honestly saw coming, but he's began to smoke, drink, and slack on his work a lot more than he did before. (ex: waiting until 10pm to start a major assignment that's due at 11:59pm) I'm very against drugs and things of the sort because I had to grow up around it. I talked to him about it, and he promised he'd slow down or try to cut it out entirely.. He didn't hold to that promise.

On weekends, he'll text me for most of the day then start randomly disappearing at night, only to text me 3 to 4 hours later in an extremely aggressive (he's an aggressive/angry drunk) and seemingly tipsy manner. This has resulted in him accusing me of cheating without reason, and generally just talking down to me.

What hurts me the most is that the day after it happens, he'll apologize, own up to what he did, act very loving, then say he wants to make it up to me, and tell me it'll never happen again. But once again.. he never holds to that promise.

Now, this behavior is appearing more and more often - even when he isn't drunk. Everything has been totally normal (on my part.. I haven't changed schedules, I always text him, talk to him as I would normally, etc) but he claims I'm acting strange and even went as far to accuse me of sexting random guys online. I did my best to handle it maturely, I offered to show him everything in my phone and begged him to give me some way to prove to him that I'm not messing around, but all I got was: "No, I wouldn't believe you anyway." I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

This has been going on for some time now, but this last week has been a downward spiral. I struggle with depression and I held myself up for quite some time, but I feel like he's destroying me in every way possible. I don't want to flat-out say he's abusive but I guess it could be labeled a possibility. I love him, but my life is falling apart because of what he's doing. I cry myself to sleep often, and I wake up from nightmares when I do. I'm no longer eating, I'm stressed, can't focus, etc.. I mentioned this, and he acted very understanding and apologetic, then later told me "he's tired of my ".

Please help - I really need advice that is more than being told to wait it out and see what happens. I'm on a road to nowhere with this. I don't want to just leave him but I don't know what I have to say to get through to him.

Thank you so much.

It may be best to date local real life guys than get involved in someone you don't know.

We've never had the chance to meet in real life.. due to some family issues on my part racist stepdad and my b/f is black

OP, you need to come to the realization that without meeting in real life, you don't have a relationship.

Friendship, sure. I don't doubt he is an important person to you, and vice versa. But online/digital communication just cannot compete with being in someone's physical presence, actually going on dates, being intimate. You're putting your life and emotions on the line for a boy you've never met, and one who sounds like a controlling little punk to boot.

It sounds to me like the novelty has worn off for him and he's not interested in maintaining this anymore. He's out living his life while you are working yourself into a knot and trying to jump through hoops to please him. This isn't love, my darling. Keep in mind too that someone who repeatedly makes baseless accusations of cheating is often the one behaving badly themselves. It's likely projection. I would not advise you to wait it out; I am instead advising you to forget this jerk and move on.

This situation doesn't have the legs to go the distance, for many reasons.

It sounds like he isn't ready, willing and able to be in a relationship. He's treating you poorly... to the point of emotional abuse (accusing you repeatedly of cheating is just that) He is 18 and figuring out who he is and what he wants. And it doesn't sound like either of you are available or willing to date each other (neither of you have found a way to drive six hours in two years to meet?) It's time to let this go. Let yourself heal and focus on school and figuring out who you are and what you want in a relationship.