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Thread: Coming out to crush and.... well read and you will understand

  1. #1
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    Coming out to crush and.... well read and you will understand

    Firstly I am a girl. So about sometime last year I was struggling with my sexuality and at the end of it I figured out that I am Bisexual. It all started when I had a huge crush on a girl(lets call her Jen) I was really close to this girl and lets just say that it took me about a year to realise I was crushing on her and realise I liked her in that way and that started to a chain of emotions and so on but I thought I wasn't gonna tell her although I know she is bi herself. I have not come out to anyone yet and decided that when the time is right I will tell Jen about all of it and how even if she doesn't like me I want our friendship to stay the same. Our friendship is the main reason why I haven't come out yet. So today both of us had alot of time together and she joked that I was checking out guys and when I laughed and denied it she jokingly said "no instead 'my name' likes girls "(she is completely unaware of me being bi) I answered her with "wat if I say yes?" I wanted to see what she thought of me if so. And to my joy she said that be fine too and somehow I felt brave to tell her all of it today. So I went for it. I said I had a crush on a girl and before I could tell her that I liked her she Imediatly said she didnt mind me liking girls as long as it wasnt her or it would ruin our friendship ( she has had horible friendships before where those ppl just ruined their frienship with her and I have been through all that with her). she didn't say it directly and said it casually as if she was sure it wasnt her. I swear I just froze and didnt know what to say really and she didnt stop there she just had to ask who my crush was and I being the talkative mess I am had started blurting out that that I had a crush from last year and when she asked if my crush was from our school I said No then I said Yes (Im not very sure wat I said but I was just a mess) I didnt tell her that she was my crush and honestly I dont want to ever try to tell her since she said that if I had a crush on her it might ruin our friendship. Ughhh I honestly donno watta say to her .do I try to tell her and risk it or just keep the friendship? But the friendship alone means alot to me. WHAT DO I DO?

  2. #2
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    I think your girlfriend was pretty clear about keeping friendships and relationships separate. For example, if you were to have a romantic relationship with her, if you were to break up, chances are you couldn't remain friends. And both you and she would lose a lifelong friend. So just play it cool. Put the crush on simmer. The friendship is probably more important than a relationship that might not last long.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    I think that the conversation that you described indicates that she is not interested in you romantically. She only wants to be friends. Chances are that she sensed what you were trying to say and her reaction was an indirect way of letting you know that she only wants to be friends and nothing more. You have your answer. She doesn't like you more than friends. Now you need to decide whether you can stay on as just her friend or drop the friendship in order to get over this crush that is not reciprocal. In my opinion, there is no point in telling her anything further given what she told you. You have your answer.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member greta96's Avatar
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    I got the same feeling Clio did, that your friend must have noticed a while ago that you are into girls, and maybe even that you have a crush on her, and tried to let you know as diplomatically and gently as possible that she was fine with your sexual preferences, but didn't share them herself. I hope you don't take it personally, if one is not wired that way there is nothing anyone can do to change that.
    I think she truly values your friendship, so there is no risk of you losing it.
    But you do need to put this crush to rest and never mention it to her, as she has made her thoughts clear on this matter.

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