Have cancer, overwhelmed and just want to leave.

Hi all,

For me to post on a forum pretty much means I am falling apart.

My life:

Up until about a year ago, I had an incredible job. I worked 4 hours a day and made nearly a quarter of a million dollars a year. It was easy. I'd spend months at a time in Hawaii, working a little, beaching, hiking...enjoying my life.

My now fiance comes into the picture. We have been together nearly 5 years. 3 of those we've lived together.

My cancer ripped away just about every cent I had and now it has returned. My fiance (who wants to marry me but it's always we'll get to it rather than let's set a date) has two teenagers. They spend a week with their mom and a week with us, rinse and repeat.

I make considerably more than my other half but considerably less since having to get a new job. I try to manage a dozen clients, a puppy, a disgusting bulldog that belonged to his ex-girlfriend (awesome) and two very spoiled, very demanding teenagers.

Every cent I have goes to the kids. Football training, dance, clothes, food (my God, the food...$1200 a month at least, I pay), etc. We are struggling. I am about to lose my car and while I am scraping by with the worst insurance ever, I can't get cancer treatment because I can't even afford the copay.

I know in my heart that I'm going to die this year. The pain is incredible, I have to get my entire reproductive system removed and I'm now so sick that I can barely pick up our 14 pound dog.

My problems are many, but folks, I am about to crack. Knowing that I have maybe a year at best, it would be great if I didn't have to spend 3 hours making meals daily (their mother decided to put them on this ridiculous diet that's time consuming and costly), cleaning up after them, doing their laundry, picking up after their pets. I am not sure I am strong enough to handle this. When I confront my fiance and tell him I'm falling apart, I haven't had even a minute to handle my illness and everything we've done is kids, kids, kids (they have no idea we are broke)..he gets angry and tells me he'll do it all. Then he does (sort of) and gives me a ty attitude the entire time. The kids are spoiled more than any kids I've met, they are demanding, they yell at their dad and he puts up with it, he doesn't enforce chores, doesn't discipline them and they walk all over us. If I try to step in I end up in a fight with my fiance.

Can someone please shed some light on this for me? I am about to leave, go live in a hotel and try to figure out my life. I'm 41 years old and don't want to spend the last year of my life doing things for someone else's kids, kids who do not give a rat's ass that I'm sick (they know the severity) - they won't miss my presence in the home. Is leaving the right choice? I should also mention that I paid my fiance's bills for nearly 3 years while he was 'looking for work'...he has a job now but it's not great and he mails it in, so I doubt he is ever going to be successful. Working hard is not in his vocabulary. Bare minimum, pretty much with everything. I don't even think I love him anymore, but maybe that's just because I feel so broken. I have to lean on the counter while I cook for the kids because the pain is so bad...where's my fiance? Surfing Twitter on his cell phone.

I am so upset I'm shaking as I type this. I suppose any advice you have for me would be very appreciated.

I would leave, to be honest.

Sorry to hear this. Do you have any family or good friends? Yes leave this nightmare of selfish behavior from all of them and go take care of yourself. They are being abusive.

I'm 41 years old and don't want to spend the last year of my life doing things for someone else's kids, kids who do not give a rat's ass that I'm sick (they know the severity) - they won't miss my presence in the home. Is leaving the right choice?

Sorry if this is harsh, but understand that I say this meaning well.

Get this parasite you call fiance and his brood of leeches out of your life today. Kick them out. Then reach out to your family, friends, cancer groups for support and take care of your health. Today. Right now. Immediately. No and's, no but's. Just do it.

I have a best friend in CO who lets me cry in her ear sometimes. She's really all I have other than my fiance. When you work too much for this long, I guess those relationships die. My fault.

I do feel it's abusive. It gets to the point where I can barely sit up. I should mention I'm allergic to pain pills so there isn't even anything I can take to help with the pain, now I just suffer. I tried to stay home from a football game that his child's playing in (I go EVERY WEEK) and I got such a pissy attitude about it I went. I could barely walk. I guess it's been let's see how much we can squeeze out of Sheri before she dies. I really am feeling like this. I told my fiance today we needed to talk and what I was feeling. He's been home for an hour and hasn't said a word to me.

Sorry if this is harsh, but understand that I say this meaning well.

 

Get this parasite you call fiance and his brood of leeches out of your life today. Kick them out. Then reach out to your family, friends, cancer groups for support and take care of your health. Today. Right now. Immediately. No and's, no but's. Just do it.

I don't think it's harsh. I think it's what I need to hear. I told my fiance today that I've decided not to go through with treatment, that I can't afford it. All I got from him was "OK". Guess I'm doing the right thing.

where's my fiance? Surfing Twitter on his cell phone.

I'm going to be very blunt with you and say that I'd be willing to bet he's doing more than "surfing Twitter".

He's a parasitic loser.

Leave, today. Just pack up, go get a short-term lease somewhere, and just ghost the whole bunch of 'em. Don't say a word. Literally, not bye, no hugs. Just, when they are all at school/work, just go.

Take care of yourself above all others.

They are all parasites, and they do not care about you. And when you, their host, is no longer there, they will simply find a replacement.

Can I ask a silly question....do you, or have you had, insurance?

I'm going to be very blunt with you and say that I'd be willing to bet he's doing more than "surfing Twitter".

 

He's a parasitic loser.

 

Leave, today. Just pack up, go get a short-term lease somewhere, and just ghost the whole bunch of 'em. Don't say a word. Literally, not bye, no hugs. Just, when they are all at school/work, just go.

 

Take care of yourself above all others.

 

They are all parasites, and they do not care about you. And when you, their host, is no longer there, they will simply find a replacement.

 

Can I ask a silly question....do you, or have you had, insurance?

After six months of me BEGGING for insurance, he added me to his. I've had it for about a month. I just told him I can't do this anymore and he said "fine".

If you stop paying for them, you'll have plenty of funds left for what you need to do, right?

If you stop paying for them, you'll have plenty of funds left for what you need to do, right?

If I stop paying for them I'll be fine. Kids came home and he has them doing the dishes - first time in a year, but it's too late.

Get yourself out of this situation asap. Your "finacee" is a leech and is taking and taking and taking. His children are following in his foot steps and you don't need this kind of crap when you are feeling so ill.

Right now you need people around you who love you and are looking out for YOUR needs. These people are disgusting and are making a very ill woman run like this. What kind of people are they??

It is horrible.

Please, get some self respect back, tell them they need to leave and mean it. You do not need to extra weight on top of what you are dealing with.

You deserve far better than this and right now you are letting them over run you and take whatever they wish.

They all deserve a boot to the butt.

I hope you have the strength to get rid of them. Parasites like this will only cause more harm to you.

You know what really burns me?? They are taking advantage of a person with cancer!!!!!

Lowest form of human beings, ever!

You know what really burns me?? They are taking advantage of a person with cancer!!!!!

 

Lowest form of human beings, ever!

This.......

My dear, you have terminal cancer and you are being treated like this? My heart bleeds for you, I really hope you take yourself out of this toxic situation.

Please feel better, be good to yourself, and only take care of your own self from now on. No one else.

My heart broke reading about how awful it must be living with a jerk and his brats while you are at the end stages of a terrible illness. I suggest you listen to everyone on here and leave. Enjoy the time you have left. You don't need toxicity! You need good energy and love.

Hugs!!

I'm really sorry :( I don't know what else to really add, I think you know leaving will be better for you,

but then you might go through the grieving of losing the relationship, and feel worse.

I'm just going add from a professional pov that his actions may be due to be scared and worried and

knows he's losing you, and just shuts down. Doesn't make it right though. Some men can't handle

stress and the face of death, and act like cold heartless jerks. It's their defense mechanism. Or maybe

he really is this way. This most certainly does not excuse allowing his kids to take advantage of you,

nor him.

Will he remove you from the insurance if you leave?

If you stayed can you draw radical boundaries? Like you aren’t doing the cooking anymore, or making yourself broke to fund the family. It sounds like you’ve been setting yourself on fire to keep them warm.

If boundaries like that are more conflict than they are worth then I join the chorus of leave (and good luck, and Jedi huuuugs!!!!)

If this really is your last year spend it doing things you really want to do.

I know in my heart that I'm going to die this year..

Is this what the doctors have told you? Or "just a feeling"? I only ask because over 15 years ago my mother had breast cancer. She thought she was going to die. She was convinced, "in her heart she was going to die". She had treatment, recovered, went into remission. Five years later, cancer again, had a double mastectomy. Had massive amount of treatment. She fought all the way, strongly, and recovered. Four months ago she had surgery for bowel cancer and is fighting it all the way. What I am trying to say is this: If the doctors haven't told you that 100% you WILL die from this, then please don't believe you will die.

I wish you well.

wow these guys really do not care about you. I know everyone copes with terminal illness differently, but his actions and his sons' are just appalling ! Beyond excusable! You need to get out and take care of you and yourself and no one else.

my heart is breaking reading your story. you need to get out of this situation. at least get out short term to a hotel room as you mentioned. can you call a local support line and maybe they have support groups, or a womans group/home. The idea of you facing this alone is heartbreaking. im thinking about you

Yeah you need to get out. The stress alone can't be helping your illness.

Why are you with him???

Ok I will be blunt but I think you need to hear this: you need to remove the focus from your fiance and his kids, and put it back where it belongs, on you. You also need to stop telling yourself this is going to be your last year! I mean of course, if you continue spending all your finances on the leech of fiance and his kids, instead of getting the treatment you need, it may indeed be your last one. But it doesn't have to be! You say you need a complete hysterectomy, and that, combined with chemo or radiation, is sometimes enough to cure someone! So stop wasting time tending to those leeches, and get your treatment! Why resign to a fate that doesn't have to be so?

Also, the stress of it all not only doesn't help, but it will speed up your demise. Now picture the opposite - you get your medical treatment AND you are able to have peace and relax, this will most likely add years to your life!

Your fiance and his kids are mooching off of you, this is very clear to me from your OP (which is all I read). They are probably waiting for you to pass so they can take over your property, can't you see this? And they are treating you like a maid in the process. Why are you allowing this to happen to you?

So, to sum it up: this doesn't have to be your last year, but in order for that to happen you need to: 1. get rid of him and his kids - like, completely out of your life, 2. get treatment 3. Relax, rest and do things for yourself.

It is still within your power to help yourself, you just need to be strong and willing. Good luck!

I think that you need to take care of YOU! I was diagnosed with stage 3 invasive lobular carcinoma Lymph node positive and estrogen positive March 2017 I had double mastectomy and Lymph nodes removed. 5 surgeries within 4 months. No chemo mamo test came back for no chemo but had to do 28 rounds of radiation. Because of radiation many health issues are showing up. I was 46. I don't take any cancer meds. Or hormone pills. The side effects are worse than the cancer in my mind. I take it one day at a time. I have had a wonderful man in my life now for 6 years lived together for 4 of them and he is rock. I think that you need to find your rock in able to be happy. But first you need to find yourself and your happiness will follow, I promise. If you want to talk just let me know, I am always here. I will be praying for you.

First of all I'm sorry to hear about your illness and what you are going through.

Secondly, absolutely you should leave. They should be doing everything in their power to help you not put you through more problems. Time to put yourself first.