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Thread: Have cancer, overwhelmed and just want to leave.

  1. #1

    Have cancer, overwhelmed and just want to leave.

    Hi all,

    For me to post on a forum pretty much means I am falling apart.

    My life:

    Up until about a year ago, I had an incredible job. I worked 4 hours a day and made nearly a quarter of a million dollars a year. It was easy. I'd spend months at a time in Hawaii, working a little, beaching, hiking...enjoying my life.

    My now fiance comes into the picture. We have been together nearly 5 years. 3 of those we've lived together.

    My cancer ripped away just about every cent I had and now it has returned. My fiance (who wants to marry me but it's always we'll get to it rather than let's set a date) has two teenagers. They spend a week with their mom and a week with us, rinse and repeat.

    I make considerably more than my other half but considerably less since having to get a new job. I try to manage a dozen clients, a puppy, a disgusting bulldog that belonged to his ex-girlfriend (awesome) and two very spoiled, very demanding teenagers.

    Every cent I have goes to the kids. Football training, dance, clothes, food (my God, the food...$1200 a month at least, I pay), etc. We are struggling. I am about to lose my car and while I am scraping by with the worst insurance ever, I can't get cancer treatment because I can't even afford the copay.

    I know in my heart that I'm going to die this year. The pain is incredible, I have to get my entire reproductive system removed and I'm now so sick that I can barely pick up our 14 pound dog.

    My problems are many, but folks, I am about to crack. Knowing that I have maybe a year at best, it would be great if I didn't have to spend 3 hours making meals daily (their mother decided to put them on this ridiculous diet that's time consuming and costly), cleaning up after them, doing their laundry, picking up after their pets. I am not sure I am strong enough to handle this. When I confront my fiance and tell him I'm falling apart, I haven't had even a minute to handle my illness and everything we've done is kids, kids, kids (they have no idea we are broke)..he gets angry and tells me he'll do it all. Then he does (sort of) and gives me a ty attitude the entire time. The kids are spoiled more than any kids I've met, they are demanding, they yell at their dad and he puts up with it, he doesn't enforce chores, doesn't discipline them and they walk all over us. If I try to step in I end up in a fight with my fiance.

    Can someone please shed some light on this for me? I am about to leave, go live in a hotel and try to figure out my life. I'm 41 years old and don't want to spend the last year of my life doing things for someone else's kids, kids who do not give a rat's ass that I'm sick (they know the severity) - they won't miss my presence in the home. Is leaving the right choice? I should also mention that I paid my fiance's bills for nearly 3 years while he was 'looking for work'...he has a job now but it's not great and he mails it in, so I doubt he is ever going to be successful. Working hard is not in his vocabulary. Bare minimum, pretty much with everything. I don't even think I love him anymore, but maybe that's just because I feel so broken. I have to lean on the counter while I cook for the kids because the pain is so bad...where's my fiance? Surfing Twitter on his cell phone.

    I am so upset I'm shaking as I type this. I suppose any advice you have for me would be very appreciated.

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter Jibralta's Avatar
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    I would leave, to be honest.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Do you have any family or good friends? Yes leave this nightmare of selfish behavior from all of them and go take care of yourself. They are being abusive.
    Originally Posted by Sheri 12345
    I'm 41 years old and don't want to spend the last year of my life doing things for someone else's kids, kids who do not give a rat's ass that I'm sick (they know the severity) - they won't miss my presence in the home. Is leaving the right choice?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Sorry if this is harsh, but understand that I say this meaning well.

    Get this parasite you call fiance and his brood of leeches out of your life today. Kick them out. Then reach out to your family, friends, cancer groups for support and take care of your health. Today. Right now. Immediately. No and's, no but's. Just do it.

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  6. #5
    I have a best friend in CO who lets me cry in her ear sometimes. She's really all I have other than my fiance. When you work too much for this long, I guess those relationships die. My fault.

    I do feel it's abusive. It gets to the point where I can barely sit up. I should mention I'm allergic to pain pills so there isn't even anything I can take to help with the pain, now I just suffer. I tried to stay home from a football game that his child's playing in (I go EVERY WEEK) and I got such a pissy attitude about it I went. I could barely walk. I guess it's been let's see how much we can squeeze out of Sheri before she dies. I really am feeling like this. I told my fiance today we needed to talk and what I was feeling. He's been home for an hour and hasn't said a word to me.

  7. #6
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Sorry if this is harsh, but understand that I say this meaning well.

    Get this parasite you call fiance and his brood of leeches out of your life today. Kick them out. Then reach out to your family, friends, cancer groups for support and take care of your health. Today. Right now. Immediately. No and's, no but's. Just do it.
    I don't think it's harsh. I think it's what I need to hear. I told my fiance today that I've decided not to go through with treatment, that I can't afford it. All I got from him was "OK". Guess I'm doing the right thing.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Sheri 12345
    where's my fiance? Surfing Twitter on his cell phone.
    I'm going to be very blunt with you and say that I'd be willing to bet he's doing more than "surfing Twitter".

    He's a parasitic loser.

    Leave, today. Just pack up, go get a short-term lease somewhere, and just ghost the whole bunch of 'em. Don't say a word. Literally, not bye, no hugs. Just, when they are all at school/work, just go.

    Take care of yourself above all others.

    They are all parasites, and they do not care about you. And when you, their host, is no longer there, they will simply find a replacement.

    Can I ask a silly question....do you, or have you had, insurance?

  9. #8
    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    I'm going to be very blunt with you and say that I'd be willing to bet he's doing more than "surfing Twitter".

    He's a parasitic loser.

    Leave, today. Just pack up, go get a short-term lease somewhere, and just ghost the whole bunch of 'em. Don't say a word. Literally, not bye, no hugs. Just, when they are all at school/work, just go.

    Take care of yourself above all others.

    They are all parasites, and they do not care about you. And when you, their host, is no longer there, they will simply find a replacement.

    Can I ask a silly question....do you, or have you had, insurance?
    After six months of me BEGGING for insurance, he added me to his. I've had it for about a month. I just told him I can't do this anymore and he said "fine".

  10. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    If you stop paying for them, you'll have plenty of funds left for what you need to do, right?

  11. #10
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    If you stop paying for them, you'll have plenty of funds left for what you need to do, right?
    If I stop paying for them I'll be fine. Kids came home and he has them doing the dishes - first time in a year, but it's too late.

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