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Thread: Stagnant Relationship

  1. #1

    Stagnant Relationship

    Hey there. I have dated my recent boyfriend for the past 4 years. Things are...okay...I feel as if things are stagnant. He's my best friend and high school sweetheart...the only person I've really dated. As we have gotten older, our views have changed (obviously)..he's become more laid back (with all the dank memes and video games which I'm happy that he's doing things he's interested in) and I have become more involved in societal issues and art. My boyfriend is somewhat interested in things I talk about but he more so enjoys talking to me about video games and showing me memes (mainly because I also play video games but not as much as of late). He kind of wants to be an engineer but he hates his classes, there was a situation with our group of friends (very long story) which they basically mooched off him, and he's mother isn't the best support system. He periodically tells me how he ,wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me", I "make him happy", he "wants to have kids and get old together"..etc etc. He went through a lot of emotional distress in his life and I always want to be there to lend a hand. I know this is very long but I'm getting there I promise. I've made a friend and we'll call him Wolfie. Wolfie sparked back my interest in art and putting things I say into action. We both have very similar interests with instruments, food, art, nature, etc. Wolfie inspired me to get my act together and do the things I say. As of late I think I'm starting to like Wolfie which makes me feel like a terrible person. I wouldn't think about leaving my boyfriend because I don't want to hurt him or see him cry...I would hate myself for it. I feel like I'm in a predicament where I've had this great guy for 4 years and he wants to marry me and have kids but the relationship feels like it isn't going anywhere (meaning we don't go out as much anymore because he's tired from playing games all night or something comes up or it's his mom...to me I don't connect with him as I used to) and I have Wolfie who is also a great guy with ambition who cares a lot about others. I don't know what to do or how to feel. Honestly I hate myself for even having these feelings.. I don't know what to do

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    It's really common to outgrow a relationship that has started when you were teens. You can still care about a person, since it's hard not to after spending 4 years with them, but still not see them as your lifetime partner. You only speak of him wanting to marry you, and you don't share that goal right now, and you've lost interest. You're only human, so of course you feel bad to think of leaving someone who loves you, but do you really think he would want you to stick around just because you don't want to see him cry? You can't be a sacrificial lamb and give up happiness in your life because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

    Mostly everyone in life has suffered breakups. It's common because when you date, it often doesn't work out after a while. You've learned that a different man is ticking your boxes right now. Even if you don't end up dating the other guy, which you shouldn't after you've been single for a while, you've learned what type of guy is more compatible with you.

    People go through many changes from the teen years to the late twenties. That's why it's not best to choose a lifetime partner while young. What and who you want when young might evolve into something totally different over the years. Don't be in a rush to get serious until you know yourself well enough to make a wise choice.

    You'll have to use your spine on this one and do what's best for yourself. You'll actually be doing him a favor by freeing him to eventually be with a woman who will be crazy about him.

  3. #3
    You have already started going down the path of an emotional affair with Wolfie ( that is why I always caution against friendships of the opposite sex if you are in a relationship). Either figure out if your bf is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, or else break up with him before your emotions for Wolfie get stronger and it does become a full blown emotional affair or even a physical affair - because it will invariably happen. Don't hurt your bf by putting yourself in that situation. Do the right thing. Either break up with him or stay - but if you stay, distance your friendship from Wolfie as you are playing with fire.
    Last edited by Gabriella33; 01-24-2018 at 02:49 AM. Reason: Typos


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