Lack of sympathy?

Not sure what people think of this but I thought it was so weird that my SO wasn't worried at all about what happened to me.

Yesterday morning I went outside and got really dizzy. I sat down and next thing I know I'm on the ground face down and my uncle said I was mid sentence and just fainted. He woke up my SO who didn't seem worried at the slightest.

We went to the ER because I passed out for absolutely no reason. They ran tests and everything and I turned out fine and they're not sure why i fainted but it's not normal.

We get home and he's "joking" about how I get to stay home from work and hangout with our dogs and do nothing while he goes to work. Um. I JUST FAINTED FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

Not once did he ever ask if I was okay. I asked him to massage my neck cuz it hurt and he said no, he would make it worse. He just seemed really indifferent. He normally isn't like that. When I'm sick he semi takes care of me, but not like how I take care of him when he's sick or hurts.

Maybe he thinks I'm overexaggerating? I know I would be super worried and asking if he needed anything and asking if he's okay. I asked this morning why he acted like he didn't care the slightest and he said he knew I was alright.

But again, he didn't once ask me if I was okay. We've been together for almost 2 years, been living together for a year, and just moved into a 5th wheel to save money. We haven't fought or anything so this not caring about me and that I fainted is really weird.

He sounds like an azz. Really.

He sounds like an azz. Really.

He is. And so am i. But I at least care about how he feels

Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t care .

Do you have a history for getting sick or ill? Do you have a history of needing care?

I don't know if he is being a jerk. You seemed fine. The test came back fine. How is the relationship otherwise? Have you communicated with him that you want him to be more concerned? He took you to the ER... other than rubbing your neck, is there something else you needed/wanted him to do?

Not knowing anything else about the relationship I would just remind you that people react differently to different kinds of stress. How he reacted isn't outside a normal healthy functioning reaction to someone having a scary moment that turns out not to be an emergency. If you want him to take the day off work, or if you want him to care for you in a certain way... you need to tell him.

Unless him being uncaring is a long term issue in your relationship?

how old are the two of you?

how old are the two of you?

I don't think that's relevant. We're old enough to live together. We are adults. That's all the info I'm giving you.

Do you have a history for getting sick or ill? Do you have a history of needing care?

 

I don't know if he is being a jerk. You seemed fine. The test came back fine. How is the relationship otherwise? Have you communicated with him that you want him to be more concerned? He took you to the ER... other than rubbing your neck, is there something else you needed/wanted him to do?

 

Not knowing anything else about the relationship I would just remind you that people react differently to different kinds of stress. How he reacted isn't outside a normal healthy functioning reaction to someone having a scary moment that turns out not to be an emergency. If you want him to take the day off work, or if you want him to care for you in a certain way... you need to tell him.

 

Unless him being uncaring is a long term issue in your relationship?

It's not a long term issue it was just weird he didn't seem that worried. I would've been worried. And no I'm normally the one that's not sick. He's the one who acts like he's dying when he's sick. I just told him I didn't feel like he cared very much. Even though I turned out fine it's still not normal to faint for no reason.

It's not a long term issue it was just weird he didn't seem that worried. I would've been worried. And no I'm normally the one that's not sick. He's the one who acts like he's dying when he's sick. I just told him I didn't feel like he cared very much. Even though I turned out fine it's still not normal to faint for no reason.

Have you asked for him to treat you differently? Have you told him that you are worried and that it's upsetting to you that he doesn't seem worried? Was there more that you wanted him to do?

How is your relationship otherwise? Do you feel cared for? Is he reliable? Do you resolve conflict well? How is your communication?

Did he say it was a "joke?" Was it said with a tone of spite? I mean there have been times in my life I've had to relax at home for medical reasons and I've been joked with about it, but both they and myself knew it was for the best and were glad I was resting. Guess I'm not seeing the intrinsic malice even if it were a joke. Oftentimes, it's actually a nod to the person for having to rest. Again, tone would make a difference, though.

As far as the rest of it goes, I gotta admit, it sounds a lot like me. My fiancee has had some scares since we've been together (even if not all health-related). My instinct is to not pile sympathy on her and potentially vindicate the worry she has. But that's just how I've learned to be. The women in my life have gotten more comfort from me confidently believing they're fine / will be fine and acting just so. In fact, I feel more comfort when people are like that around me when I've got something going on. The more normal the people around me are, the more normal I think I am.

So I gotta agree with rosephase. On its own, I don't see it as a big deal... just how he handles health scares like that. Now if the guy's got a history of blatant disregard for a number of different matters, that's obviously got its own implications.

Did he say it was a "joke?" Was it said with a tone of spite? I mean there have been times in my life I've had to relax at home for medical reasons and I've been joked with about it, but both they and myself knew it was for the best and were glad I was resting. Guess I'm not seeing the intrinsic malice even if it were a joke. Oftentimes, it's actually a nod to the person for having to rest. Again, tone would make a difference, though.

 

As far as the rest of it goes, I gotta admit, it sounds a lot like me. My fiancee has had some scares since we've been together (even if not all health-related). My instinct is to not pile sympathy on her and potentially vindicate the worry she has. But that's just how I've learned to be. The women in my life have gotten more comfort from me confidently believing they're fine / will be fine and acting just so. In fact, I feel more comfort when people are like that around me when I've got something going on. The more normal the people around me are, the more normal I think I am.

 

So I gotta agree with rosephase. On its own, I don't see it as a big deal... just how he handles health scares like that. Now if the guy's got a history of blatant disregard for a number of different matters, that's obviously got its own implications.

He doesn't have a disregard for other things. I guess I thought it was weird that my mom was so worried but he acted much different. I've never had a scare like this before during our relationship so his behavior towards it is new to me. But I'm glad to hear that it's normal and not just him being indifferent. But even when your SO has these scares don't you at least ask her if she's doing okay?

Have you asked for him to treat you differently? Have you told him that you are worried and that it's upsetting to you that he doesn't seem worried? Was there more that you wanted him to do?

 

How is your relationship otherwise? Do you feel cared for? Is he reliable? Do you resolve conflict well? How is your communication?

I did let him know I was worried and that it was weird that he seemed to not care. Our relationship otherwise is decent. We don't argue often and when we do it's always resolved before bed.

Why make comparisons between how he behaves and how your mum behaves?

He slept through your fainting so maybe would have felt differently if he'd been there. He's been told your fine so not sure what he needs to worry about? It's actually pretty normal to faint for no serious reason, lack of food, dehydration, energy etc etc.

I remember you saying that he works a lot of night shifts so perhaps he just doesn't have the energy to show much sympathy right now.

I don't think that's relevant. We're old enough to live together. We are adults. That's all the info I'm giving you.

I thought it relevant or I wouldn't have asked.

Depending on age, some people do not have experiences with odd health issues. Over time, how to react to them evolves.

Not only that, the pace of having health issues crop up quickens with age.

If either of you is new to dealing with these things, how to do so may not be apparent.

On the other hand, if you two are old geezers, he should have known better.

I hope you are not ill.

I think its good to have someone who is calm in a situation - it would do no good if he was panicking and so worried like your mom - if he can stay calm and centered and even try to crack a joke to break the tension and try to put a smile on your face,that's not so bad. I do agree with him if you just fainted i would not want to be rubbing your head or neck if i didn't know anything about what was going on. I'd rub your feet but not anything near your spine/neck, etc...

No Im on your side with this. I had a bf who the first time I had a bad flu, he never cared for me once. Never called. I ignored it because i let it slide. Figured no big deal. 2 years later , that little non caring moment turned into 100 moments. It really was his personality. We broke up

Not saying your guy is like that. But if this happens again Id start worrying. Def talk to him about it. Let your needs be heard.

For me empathy ,sympathy and caring is the number one priority . I had so little of it in childhood that I just cannot tolerate people that don't have any . And now that I have chronic illnesses it's absolutely one of the things I need . So anyone without sympathy empathy or an ounce of caring gets their butt kicked to the curb.

My ex told me he needed his sleep rather then to drive me to the ER, after I was burning up and it turned out I had a bad infection under my arm. At least he took you to the ER and waited with you. That shows compassion right there. If he didn't care he would have said " Well going back to bed just don't die on me."

I mean your tests came back fine but I hope it's nothing serious. Fainting for any reason is never good. I think your boyfriend just sees that you were looked at and there was no emergency. Maybe it's not that he doesn't care it's that he doesn't want to think of it being bad. So that's his coping mechanism.

As for my ex he was a narcissist and I couldn't rely on him.

At least he took you.

Remember that.

Lisa

Why make comparisons between how he behaves and how your mum behaves?

 

He slept through your fainting so maybe would have felt differently if he'd been there. He's been told your fine so not sure what he needs to worry about? It's actually pretty normal to faint for no serious reason, lack of food, dehydration, energy etc etc.

 

I remember you saying that he works a lot of night shifts so perhaps he just doesn't have the energy to show much sympathy right now.

I agree. I think OP is making too big of an issue over this. If something more serious happened and he acted the same way, then I would worry.

How did your uncle happen to be there? Did he or the bf go to the ER with you? Follow up with your physician. Do you drink or diet a lot? Are you pregnant? His reaction was bizarre, however he doesn't have to massage your neck, etc. He sounds rather immature, how old is he?

Perhaps living in a trailer is not working. Are there vehicle fumes or other hazards going on - water, food safety, etc? Do you have CO alarms installed?

We went to the ER because I passed out for absolutely no reason. They ran tests and everything and I turned out fine and they're not sure why i fainted but it's not normal. When I'm sick he semi takes care of me, but not like how I take care of him when he's sick

How did your uncle happen to be there? Did he or the bf go to the ER with you? Follow up with your physician. Do you drink or diet a lot? Are you pregnant? His reaction was bizarre, however he doesn't have to massage your neck, etc. He sounds rather immature, how old is he?

 

Perhaps living in a trailer is not working. Are there vehicle fumes or other hazards going on - water, food safety, etc? Do you have CO alarms installed?

My uncle and I were outside talking, I got dizzy, sat down, and fell face first into the ground from my chair. My fiance took me to the ER. He suggested it. I normally drink a lot of water but I don't like this new cities water really. Not pregnant and he's 21. I guess it must have been an off day for him because today I'm a bit sick and he's been taking me to get medicine and covering me up to make sure I'm nice and warm. But fainting is a bigger deal then being sick.

It could have been the water, maybe

It comes from a hose hooked up to a house. The city water isn't great. I believe we do have sensors in our trailer

Bad water doesn't make you pass out. It would make you throw up about 1-4 hours after drinking it. If you weren't drinking enough water, you could have gotten dehydrated and passed out. Usually in the ER they hook you up to saline, so that would have taken care of that. You also could have had a sudden drop in blood pressure. This sometimes happen if a person had been standing for too long. It's called vasovagal syncope.

As other people have commented, when something like this happens and your boyfriend doesn't react in the same way a normal person would act, it means he's lacking empathy. And if he's lacking it in the big things, then he's going to lack it in the small things in life. Yeah, I would be concerned about it.

Follow up with your doctor. The ER workup was a good idea but that's just to address the immediate situation. Feel better.

fainting is a bigger deal then being sick.

Thats FULLY weird...not sure what to suggest to you?! people in relationships care about each other in those situations, its not negotiable. I would have felt so offended!! But what can you do? Not much. Just wait til the next time he is really sick and just say ' you'll be fine!' as you head out the door to have fun with your friends and dont worry about him and see how he likes it.