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bassy31mk

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My “girlfriend” and I have been through are ups and downs and have not been sexual active in a long time. She recently started wearing the patch birth control.. something she never has done before. I ask her why she is using birth control when we aren’t having sex. She said it is because her doctor said it will help her regulate her period. I’m not sure if that is true or not. I believe that she is wearing the patch because she is having sex with another guy behind my back. She denies this accusation. I know that she has been hanging out with this other guy because I caught them together and have seen numerous text messages and calls. I am asking the ENotAlone community if there is any reason a girl would wear a birth control patch in order to regulate her period. I would think that the only reason to wear a birth control patch is if you are sexually active. Please help.

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The patch isn't usually what's prescribed for that reason {usually it's the pill, and yes, it is used for this reason}, but I can't say that it wouldn't be. I mean, if she's starting birth control to have sex with this other dude, she could have chosen the pill and you'd never have been the wiser...so her story may very well be legitimate.

 

I think the bigger issue here is that you don't trust her, and that you don't trust her with this new guy in the picture. Make up your mind on that, and either break it off with her or come to terms with your issues.

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Excuse me, that is a legitimate reason to be on the patch. No she is not cheating on you. It is hormone based and is released into a woman's system, similar to the pill but more stable because you don't have to take a pill at the same time every day, which women neglect to execute often. It also can reduce bleeding.

 

I suggest to at least do some research before accusing your partner of cheating. It's very mean and unwarranted. It seems you cannot trust her and that should be amended immediately.

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There are a lot of things that are a simple google search away. Women's birth control and its contraceptive and general health purposes are pretty chief among them. I'd suggest giving it a go before you start assuming the worst of the woman you purport to love and trust.

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I would think that the only reason to wear a birth control patch is if you are sexually active.

 

This is rubbish. I had an implant (rather than a patch, for age-related reasons) for years because it regulated my periods. I wasn't in a sexual relationship, and I had no intention of being in one.

 

There seem to be other issues and problems within your relationship, but I doubt this is one of them.

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But I know that the issues of our problems start with trust and I was not honest in my post, this wasn’t recently, it was last year. It has been a terrible year for us and I was going to write up another post and post it a different discussion board about our problems. But wow thank you guys for all the quick responses, ENotAlone is great. I just discovered this app and have needed this for a long time because my girl refuses to talk about our relationship problems in person. Just always puts it off and denies things. I could go in to more detail here if you guys want to know more about where these problems are coming from. My main issue right now was just the patch and figuring out if she was lying about why she was using it. Yes I always tend to assume the worst. You guys think I should go in to more detail here or make a new post?

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No not long distance, but we do live 45 mins away. We still live with our parents. I am 24 and she is 22. I am American and she is filipino. She is definitely not meeting my needs sexually but she has in the past. We are in a very long dry spell. I think she is a prude but we used to do things a lot. I am sticking around because I know that we could have an amazing relationship and have in the past. She is so beautiful and has a good job and is a good girl. I’m sticking around because I do love her and I know she loves me too. I want to leave her but it will hurt her. I’ve already hurt her once before and now she has hurt me back. We have been “together” for nearly 4 years. I broke up with her and left for 7 weeks and then realized how bad I ed up and have tried getting her back ever since. We were going good but then got in another fight and that’s when the other guy came in the picture. She went to school with him. So they would see each other every day. She formed a relationship with him while still dragging me along without me knowing. I found out and was super hurt and things just haven’t been the same since. That all happened 1 year ago and for the last year we have been still seeing each other and hanging out every weekend and working things out and traveling together and sleeping over and everything couples do but there is absolutely no more sex life. A whole year! Nothing! Not even a kiss. I bring this up to her nearly every day how much I struggle with this being friend zoned. I can’t believe it. I make moves and just get denied every time. “She isn’t ready” but it’s been a ing year. I’m going crazy with the no sex life and I want to leave so bad for another girl that can satisfy my sexual needs but I know I won’t find a better girl in terms of having a future together and marriage.

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I made the mistake of telling her I am a virgin because I really thought she was one too and she acted like she was a virgin but now I recently asked her and she admitted that she had sex with her boyfriend in high school. I have no problem with that but I thought she was a virgin this whole time. So now knowing that she isn’t a virgin is making me question why I can’t get laid. I thought she just wasn’t ready because she was still a virgin. I think that she is not doing anything with me because I bring up the issue so often and she thinks that all I want is sex. I’m like at this point yes I want sex so bad I don’t understand what she is waiting for. I’m not an ugly guy or anything, 6 foot blonde hair blue eyes and skinny and fit I know she is attracted to me. I don’t know why this dry spell won’t end.

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You can't imagine there would be another girl you could love, but she is out there. Do you really think there are no other beautiful women in your locality with good jobs? That's crazy. This woman isn't willing to improve the relationship with you if she refuses to have sex with you for an entire year.

 

You won't have closure until you have a clean break with no more contact. When you have time to grieve a dysfunctional, dead relationship and have solo time for a good year, you will then be ready to date and choose someone who is a better match. When you find her, you will shake your head and wonder why you stayed so long with an ex who was so indifferent to you that she couldn't even bring herself to kiss you. You're worthy of someone who is crazy about you, and this woman is not.

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Basically we were madly in love and had an amazing relationship and I ruined it out of no where. I don’t know why but I broke up with her. It devastated her. I came back in her life and it was so hard to get her back and get her to trust me again but she did. We were doing okay but were never officially boyfriend and girlfriend again. Started fighting again and then this guy she went to school with, who is a known player, was able to form a relationship with her. Her and I kept hanging out every weekend and talking and texting like normal couples but she started hiding things from me and was going out more and I just knew she was up to something. I eventually found out when he posted a picture of her on Instagram and I was devastated. Heart broken. The girl I love is with another man. I then found some texts messages and late night phone calls and snapchats and other lies and she refused to let me go to her graduation because the other guy was going to be there and she probably told him that her and I were done but then I would have been there with her family. I’m close with her family and they really like me. Her and I were very close through all of this but she tried to hide this relationship from me. I found out and freaked out on her and she just kept denying everything and told me not to worry. I told her that I’m gone unless she ends it with this guy. She told me that she did end it with him but never showed me any proof. That was 1 year ago and I’m still not over it. I believe that they did end it but I don’t know, she never blocked him or his phone number but I know that they don’t hang out anymore. I should just get over it and move on but I can’t for some reason. She cheated on me. I was so good to her though it all and was helping her with school financially and other stuff and always supporting her. I was the family man while she had this other guy that was fun and new. But I always stood by her side. Flash forward to now, 1 year later and we are basically boyfriend and girlfriend again and do all the things couples do. Hang out every weekend, a lot during the week. Constantly text and call and travel together. But there is no sex life! None! This is where I call her a prude and every week i bring up why aren’t we having sex why won’t you kiss me why can’t I touch you. We sleep together all the time but nothing. I try to make moves on her but get denied. I would be able to move on from her cheating if our relationship was better. I tell her I just feel friend zoned. 100% friend zoned. She is using me for a friend because she honestly doesn’t really have any other friends. She leads me on and I always think okay today is the day the dry spell ends but it just doesn’t. I’m so confused. I don’t know how to get out of the dry spell. I tell her I can’t be in a relationship where we don’t connect on an intimate level. I can’t be in a relationship with no sex life. I try to talk to her about this but she just doesn’t want to have touch conversations, she is a little immature. I don’t know how she can go this long without an orgasm or anything. I’m going crazy. We stay in hotels together and we’re in New York City for New Year’s Eve and had an awesome hotel and had a great night but still No sex! Nothing! I tried to make a move but was denied. Again. It makes me so frustrated.. she sees my frustration with this and that makes her think that all I want is sex. At this point it is all I want. Our relationship is awesome again and we have so much fun together besides the sex life. I don’t know what to do but I don’t want to leave her.

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It sounds like you keep pushing her away with your suspicions and demands for sex.

 

This could explain your dry spell:

I broke up with her and left for 7 weeks and then realized how bad I ed up and have tried getting her back ever since. A whole year! Nothing! Not even a kiss. I bring this up to her nearly every day. I think that she is not doing anything with me because I bring up the issue so often and she thinks that all I want is sex
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You are right. I do deserve someone who is crazy about me but I know this girl loves me. I don’t know why she is making me suffer like this. I guess I am holding out hope that once the sex returns everything will be fine again. We will learn from our mistakes. I really love this girl and we have an undeniable connection. We have been through so much together. I don’t want to hurt her again and I promised her I won’t. She tells me the sex will return and that she is not a prude. She says I need to stop trying so hard. But I’m like if I’m not trying, I know you won’t try so nothing is going to happen. I think we suffer from a bit of a cultural difference seeing she is from the Philippines and lived there until she was 7 years old. She thinks that all Americans want is sex.

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I use birth control to regulate my cycles.

 

Regarding your sex life, it would seem in this case that the only way you can get out of the dry spell is to get out of the relationship. You don't trust her right now and that's okay, just know it will impact the relationship and end up driving a wedge between you. And FYI, just because someone doesn't want sex with another person doesn't make them a prude, it means they probably aren't attracted to you in that way. Clearly she doesn't want to have sex or be intimate with you, so you need to accept that and move on.

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