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She told me "I like you more than Pancakes..."


Timotheus

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Hello Everyone,

 

I haven't spoke on here in a while because the last time I did, I felt like I didn't get any support at all. No one answered me and it felt a sense of rejection. So I'm going to try this again....

 

I'm still dating world after almost 5 years. I'm trying to date and meet someone who I can be myself with and I'm not getting positive results. In April 2017, I met this girl through one of the dating applications. Our first date, I wasn't sure about her because by mistake she kinda of came off rude. After the first date, she texted me telling me she had fun and after talking to a friend, I choose to give it another try with her. Our 2nd date was very fun and on the third date, with her feeling comfortable, she and I hooked up and I find out that I was her first ever. She and I continued to see each other and we had reached our 5th date.

 

We went out to a place called Dave and Busters and had a blast. She stayed the night again on the 5th night, however, her and I didn't hook up but instead cuddled and talked until we fell asleep. While we were talking, she asked me if there was anyone else besides her that I was seeing. Took that as a oppertunity to tell her no and that she was the only girl I'm courting. (this is the truth.) she became excited, and since she became excited, I took that as a positive thing, thinking that this was finally it, I was going to actually be with someone who cares about me.. wow. She also told me that she really really likes me and is happy.

 

Well she hit me with the 2nd question, she asked if there was any reason why I would stay in the state that we currently both live in. I said, "I can't up and leave due to my mother's health and her COPD plus I have a brother who may need extra support because he's special and gets help from the government. also, I work and the job I've been with for almost 11 years I can't up and leave." She tells me that "her dream job is up in state of TN/GA and that she been waiting to take the job as being a director." I reply saying..."okay. Well, I have to admit if that's what will make you happy then okay." I was hurt still and I know she can tell after dropping the bomb on me.

 

The next day she goes to work, and I go to do laundry. A hour later, I get a message from her telling me that she things it's best to be friends because she wants to persuade her job. I replied and stated "that I don't understand, why did you wait after the 5th date to tell me that you wanted to live and work out of state?" I never got an answer. Later I tried to talk to her and I noticed that I wasn't getting responses, therefore I told her no I don't want be friends because she didn't care about me at all.In July 2017, I contacted her and apologized for coming off like a jerk about her wanting to leave. If that's what's going to make her happy then that's what's going to do it.

 

So end October 2017, her and I match again on the dating application. She quickly messages me and tells me that "She is sorry about the whole thing" and tells me that she wants to see me. We agree to meet up and talk. She tells me that she understand that she should of been upfront and she didn't mean to hurt me. She also tells me that she is still looking to leave for her dream job and was going to have the interview next week. I said "that's cool, you have to do what's going to make you the most happiest." She tells me that, "if she wasn't leaving, she would be my girlfriend and that the time we had spend wasn't just for her to hook up with me and use me." "I really love pancakes and I really like you more than those..." and I said huh? she repeated and said "I like you more than I like pancakes." that made me feel better. So after talking, we agreed to see each other until it was time for her to leave to her dream job and also move out of state.

 

Her and I went on three more dates and she stays the night every time. Then it finally it me, while she was away, I started noticing that she was barely talking to me and getting back to me. I look on facebook and she had just posted something from the town that was close near to were I live. I text her and say "hey we need to talk" and she finally calls me. I told her that "I have been feeling weird about her lack of communication lately because it felt like she was not interested in learning about me or about my day." "She tells me that she can't see me anymore because every time she gets close to someone, she can't handle it and she pushes them away." she also says "when she leaves, it's going to be that much harder to leave and that it will hurt her even more if we keep going." I didn't want to let her go as I tired to convince her that everything will be okay but she wasn't hearing it. in fact, she started crying on the phone. I let her go. And ask if we can still be friends. but I don't ever hear from her again.

 

On New Years Day 2018, it was weird, something told me to go check out her facebook page. So after thinking back and forth, I went to look. I find out that she is in a new relationship with a guy from the town next to me and that she has pictures with him all over her facebook page. Also, the guy she was with is a firefighter for the town. I had also found evidence that she was also NOT leaving out of state for her dream job.

 

I was hurt... I don't know if it's because I'm black and she was white. I don't know if it was because of my age as she was 23 and I'm just now 31. I don't know. But It's clear... Move on. It hurts, she left me confused. It feels like she didn't believe in me. So here I am.

 

Thank you for reading and I'm sorry if this was too long.

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I do like that line, 'I like you more than I like pancakes'. It does say a lot about feelings.

 

I feel you have been letting this drama drag on a little too long and it is continuing to get you down.

 

Yes, she should have told you earlier of her desire to pursue a job out of the state. You found this out in May? You guys decided to stop there, fair enough. And yet it is January, 8 months later and the drama is still affecting you. Sure, you matched again, but has anything changed? No? Close the door. Stop thinking about it, move on. It was 5 dates.

You are also setting such high expectation and pressure on yourself and when it fails you feel like a failure. Your pressure on yourself can come across as neediness.

 

Some people can date a girl a few times, connect on social media, and stay connected even after deciding to go separate ways. You are not one of these people. Date a girl, didn't work out, BLOCK HER with all effort and move on. Connect again randomly? Seek answer to one question. Is the reason we did not proceed the same? yes? STOP ALL COMMUNICATION.

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I do like that line, 'I like you more than I like pancakes'. It does say a lot about feelings.

 

I feel you have been letting this drama drag on a little too long and it is continuing to get you down.

 

Yes, she should have told you earlier of her desire to pursue a job out of the state. You found this out in May? You guys decided to stop there, fair enough. And yet it is January, 8 months later and the drama is still affecting you. Sure, you matched again, but has anything changed? No? Close the door. Stop thinking about it, move on. It was 5 dates.

You are also setting such high expectation and pressure on yourself and when it fails you feel like a failure. Your pressure on yourself can come across as neediness.

 

Some people can date a girl a few times, connect on social media, and stay connected even after deciding to go separate ways. You are not one of these people. Date a girl, didn't work out, BLOCK HER with all effort and move on. Connect again randomly? Seek answer to one question. Is the reason we did not proceed the same? yes? STOP ALL COMMUNICATION.

 

Thank you so much for the advice! I stopped and blocked.

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I will reply with my woman’s intuition on this one - but it’s entirely based on guesses, generalizations and experience - so I could very well be wrong. Take from it what you will.

 

The “don’t sleep with a guy until the 3rd date” rule is the “try not to look too easy” rule. Women have the same urges as men but - for whatever sexist reasons - we can be judged for it. Hence the rule. It doesn’t apply to virgins, though. Being a virgin trumps the “easy” rule because by definition, you can only be so easy if you are a virgin.

 

Virgins usually are nervous and/or want to take the time to know you (ie: more than 3 dates). Not always though. Sometimes they just want to get it over with (but then they often don’t care about the 3rd date rule). Oh! And then there’s blood. Not always, but often.

 

So - what are the odds that you met a stranger online, that she 3rd date rule’d you and that she was a virgin (and you had no idea). I mean... i’m not saying it’s impossible - but what I AM saying is that the story is highly atypical and that the odds are higher that she was just lying.

 

Then after a couple more dates she says she is moving away (when she has never mentioned this before). Also not typical. It’s a great breakup excuse, though.

 

Mayyyyybe I could believe her very atypical story... I mean, you want to believe people... but wait! There’s more!

 

6 months (26 weeks or so) later, the site matches you again. Magically, though, it matches you on the very week before the job interview that she predicted 6 months earlier! Not on any of the other 26 weeks before or after. What are the odds?

 

I’m really sorry, but I think the answer is that she is a lying liar.

 

I don’t think that you should waste your time wondering what was wrong (ie: your age, your race, any of your flaws that we all have). I don’t think any of that was the problem. I think she probably just wanted sex, didn’t want to look easy, and wanted a convenient way “out” - so that is the story she told you.

 

For what it’s worth, we’ve probably all been taken by a lying liar before. It’s part of putting yourself out there and taking a chance. It’s a risk we all take.

 

You sound like a good guy who gets feelings after sex (I am the same way). Maybe it’s worth holding off a bit longer next time to really get to know a person a lot better, in order to protect your heart and hopefully weed out people like this.

 

I’m sorry this happened - it happens to women too. Not everyone is like that - best to move on to someone better who is honest and actually wants a relationship (and doesn’t just say that).

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Yes, I think this has more to do with where she's at, than anything you've done wrong. I guess the only thing I can say to you is in future, guard your feelings a bit more until you're sure that the other person wants the same things that you do. In other words, hold back a bit.

 

This takes a bit of time; I always think it takes around three months of seeing someone regularly before you even know if you've got a relationship at all, let alone one which is going to have a future. If you hold back on sleeping with a new potential partner it will give you a chance to get to know them as a person, and enable you to make decisions which are better for you. If sleeping with someone makes you catch feelings, and you do it too soon, you're much more likely to get hurt than if you've taken steps to protect yourself. Quality people won't mind waiting.

 

So block this one, ignore and move on with your life.

 

Good luck!

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Yes, I think this has more to do with where she's at, than anything you've done wrong. I guess the only thing I can say to you is in future, guard your feelings a bit more until you're sure that the other person wants the same things that you do. In other words, hold back a bit.

 

This takes a bit of time; I always think it takes around three months of seeing someone regularly before you even know if you've got a relationship at all, let alone one which is going to have a future. If you hold back on sleeping with a new potential partner it will give you a chance to get to know them as a person, and enable you to make decisions which are better for you. If sleeping with someone makes you catch feelings, and you do it too soon, you're much more likely to get hurt than if you've taken steps to protect yourself. Quality people won't mind waiting.

 

So block this one, ignore and move on with your life.

 

Good luck!

 

Thank you for your advice I will definitely learn from this. You are right. Thank you.

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I will reply with my woman’s intuition on this one - but it’s entirely based on guesses, generalizations and experience - so I could very well be wrong. Take from it what you will.

 

The “don’t sleep with a guy until the 3rd date” rule is the “try not to look too easy” rule. Women have the same urges as men but - for whatever sexist reasons - we can be judged for it. Hence the rule. It doesn’t apply to virgins, though. Being a virgin trumps the “easy” rule because by definition, you can only be so easy if you are a virgin.

 

Virgins usually are nervous and/or want to take the time to know you (ie: more than 3 dates). Not always though. Sometimes they just want to get it over with (but then they often don’t care about the 3rd date rule). Oh! And then there’s blood. Not always, but often.

 

So - what are the odds that you met a stranger online, that she 3rd date rule’d you and that she was a virgin (and you had no idea). I mean... i’m not saying it’s impossible - but what I AM saying is that the story is highly atypical and that the odds are higher that she was just lying.

 

Then after a couple more dates she says she is moving away (when she has never mentioned this before). Also not typical. It’s a great breakup excuse, though.

 

Mayyyyybe I could believe her very atypical story... I mean, you want to believe people... but wait! There’s more!

 

6 months (26 weeks or so) later, the site matches you again. Magically, though, it matches you on the very week before the job interview that she predicted 6 months earlier! Not on any of the other 26 weeks before or after. What are the odds?

 

I’m really sorry, but I think the answer is that she is a lying liar.

 

I don’t think that you should waste your time wondering what was wrong (ie: your age, your race, any of your flaws that we all have). I don’t think any of that was the problem. I think she probably just wanted sex, didn’t want to look easy, and wanted a convenient way “out” - so that is the story she told you.

 

For what it’s worth, we’ve probably all been taken by a lying liar before. It’s part of putting yourself out there and taking a chance. It’s a risk we all take.

 

You sound like a good guy who gets feelings after sex (I am the same way). Maybe it’s worth holding off a bit longer next time to really get to know a person a lot better, in order to protect your heart and hopefully weed out people like this.

 

I’m sorry this happened - it happens to women too. Not everyone is like that - best to move on to someone better who is honest and actually wants a relationship (and doesn’t just say that).

 

Thank you for giving me your advice. I don’t think it’s fair for women to be treated any different from men when it comes to sex. You are also right too... she clearly wasn’t honest therefore I couldn’t of been cared for as much as pancakes. Plus... she had to been hanging out with the guy in the other town in order for a relationship to develop so quickly after her and I. None of that matters now. I will learn from this and hopefully I can write about a success story on here someday. Thank you.

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  • 1 year later...
I will reply with my woman’s intuition on this one - but it’s entirely based on guesses, generalizations and experience - so I could very well be wrong. Take from it what you will.

 

The “don’t sleep with a guy until the 3rd date” rule is the “try not to look too easy” rule. Women have the same urges as men but - for whatever sexist reasons - we can be judged for it. Hence the rule. It doesn’t apply to virgins, though. Being a virgin trumps the “easy” rule because by definition, you can only be so easy if you are a virgin.

 

Virgins usually are nervous and/or want to take the time to know you (ie: more than 3 dates). Not always though. Sometimes they just want to get it over with (but then they often don’t care about the 3rd date rule). Oh! And then there’s blood. Not always, but often.

 

So - what are the odds that you met a stranger online, that she 3rd date rule’d you and that she was a virgin (and you had no idea). I mean... i’m not saying it’s impossible - but what I AM saying is that the story is highly atypical and that the odds are higher that she was just lying.

 

Then after a couple more dates she says she is moving away (when she has never mentioned this before). Also not typical. It’s a great breakup excuse, though.

 

Mayyyyybe I could believe her very atypical story... I mean, you want to believe people... but wait! There’s more!

 

6 months (26 weeks or so) later, the site matches you again. Magically, though, it matches you on the very week before the job interview that she predicted 6 months earlier! Not on any of the other 26 weeks before or after. What are the odds?

 

I’m really sorry, but I think the answer is that she is a lying liar.

 

I don’t think that you should waste your time wondering what was wrong (ie: your age, your race, any of your flaws that we all have). I don’t think any of that was the problem. I think she probably just wanted sex, didn’t want to look easy, and wanted a convenient way “out” - so that is the story she told you.

 

For what it’s worth, we’ve probably all been taken by a lying liar before. It’s part of putting yourself out there and taking a chance. It’s a risk we all take.

 

You sound like a good guy who gets feelings after sex (I am the same way). Maybe it’s worth holding off a bit longer next time to really get to know a person a lot better, in order to protect your heart and hopefully weed out people like this.

 

I’m sorry this happened - it happens to women too. Not everyone is like that - best to move on to someone better who is honest and actually wants a relationship (and doesn’t just say that).

 

I let this go along time ago so it doesn't matter but i just wanted to entertain everyone to end her lying story. lol. So as it turns out, she didn't ever go out of town. Instead what happen, she ends up getting into a relationship with a guy from Florissant, Mo and gets engaged to him. So yeah.. she just wanted what she wanted from me and that was it. I see red flags with this person so I'm glad I don't DEAL with her any longer. :D:D:D

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It could also be that she simply didn't get the job after interviewing.

 

I do think that you should have just not met her the second go 'round. I think she told you about the job because she may have sensed that you were getting invested and she was not yet. The job interview could have been totally real. If she did not get the job after interviewing and she was really into you or wanted what you wanted, she would have called you vs getting matched again.

 

I will reply with my woman’s intuition on this one - but it’s entirely based on guesses, generalizations and experience - so I could very well be wrong. Take from it what you will.

 

The “don’t sleep with a guy until the 3rd date” rule is the “try not to look too easy” rule. Women have the same urges as men but - for whatever sexist reasons - we can be judged for it. Hence the rule. It doesn’t apply to virgins, though. Being a virgin trumps the “easy” rule because by definition, you can only be so easy if you are a virgin..

 

As a woman who could be older than you - I disagree. There are outliers, but women are looking for connection before sex ultimately. Or emotional intimacy, love, etc, and for sure a feeling of safety in order to have sex. young women have been fooled that its normal for them to feel they should want to act like alley cats. Different magazines "sex and the city," etc. Its normal or a woman to desire, but its not how women are wired to have sex as a "getting to know you" on the third date gesture. Its not " a woman is a to have sex on the third date", its most women who have sex on the third date don't feel good about it because the elements that make them want to have sex with a man -- not sex wth other motives (to have sex to ensure he will see her again as the reason in her mind, etc.) - are premature. And when they wake up the next day and realize they don't have that connection, they will either bail or try to put a square peg in a round hole to make it work with a guy that's not right for them. Sure, it could be on occasion a woman has a one night stand and likes it and owns it, but in the dating process, its not the usual if she is looking for a relationship.

 

Just my two cents.

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I find the pancakes comment in the context you provided as rather juvenile. She also doesn't seem well grounded in reality. You are both clearly in different spheres with your age difference, and given that she comes across as immature to me, that gap is even wider.

 

I can certainly see myself playfully joshing how I like him more than kittens or wine or chocolate. We all see, hear, and read the jokes about if you touch my coffee, I will cut you, etc. But this conversation was a serious conversation and she tells you you're better than pancakes? That may have worked well in junior high or high school, but in the grown-up world, you're better than pancakes? How old is she? 13?? C'mon, really?? I guess it tugged at your heartstrings, so it worked, but I'm cringing over here. Personally, I think I would be offended and question his maturity level if I was reduced to a breakfast food or barely comparable to his yellow Labrador retriever.

 

You have invested way too much time on this girl. I can't say I agree with the full-out lying (lying liar) about her sexual history or her easy-way-out excuse, but it's definitely something worth considering. It didn't even occur to me, but it does make sense.

 

I do believe that she should have been up front about her future aspirations. That's a pretty big pill to swallow. It's no different to me than telling someone up front you have a child or children, or your career comes with frequent relocation, or you or your potential spouse has a job that requires frequent and abundant travel, keeping them away from home, not around to help with the kids, etc., or even severe allergies to cats/dogs which means you can never have any...the list goes on...the deal-breakers and hills to die on. Anyone should know these things up front and center so that they can make choices accordingly. Do I want to marry someone in the military and find that my life, job, and family are uprooted on a regular basis, including overseas?

 

At your age and concern about aging parents and a special needs sibling, uprooting to Tennessee isn't exactly high on your list, let alone if you can find a better, if not equivalent and fulfilling job in the area. Even if you get a great job in the area, you might hate the area so much and being away from your family, it would turn out to be a huge, major mistake. There is a LOT to think about when considering relocation.

 

If this young lady is seeking opportunity and the "perfect job" in Tennessee or Georgia, why hasn't she already taken the leap and moved out there, taken an entry level job on the ground floor to get her foot in the door, get experience, or float by on something that "pays the bills" while she maybe takes some career advancement classes and seeks jobs within the industry? She seems starry-eyed and out of touch with reality, and not well grounded. The thing is, if she's living in her "dream state" and seeking opportunity within that state, she could meet a man who lives in the area, and he just becomes frosting on her perfect cake of life and career goals. Why stay in Missouri and put time and effort into a relationship where relocation for that boyfriend/husband is not an option?

 

You seem to fit her needs here and there when she's lonely or bored, and then the next shiny bauble comes along and absorbs her attention, and she ignores you, your needs.

 

She may be a lying liar...I can agree with that...and she may be a woman-child and/or a user.

 

She barely graduated high school, and even at 23, I question her maturity. I think you should maybe seek women closer to your age; women more established and sure of themselves, and YOU need to work on your self-esteem. Dating other races can be an issue depending on family, religion, culture...we all know these obstacles...and a mature individual would hopefully have the strength to work around those obstacles and create proper boundaries and a united front with their partner, but you can't be in a shivering state of what-if and insecurity, either.

 

I think block and delete is the best choice for you, and no more stalking her FB. Remove her from your life. You need to move on. She seemed perfect, but in her immature state, she just blended with you temporarily until something else came along. Her personality probably changes dramatically depending on who she is with and who she thinks is the "coolest" at the moment. I suspect if you take the time to reflect on her behaviors around people, you will recognize the shape-shifting that has occurred and how her personality dramatically changed to match the person/people of interest.

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I think it's an age thing. At 23, I didn't know what I wanted in terms of relationships. Part of me wanted a relationship, but another part of me felt stifled when I was in one. Being young, there was no shortage of men to distract me. Unsurprisingly, the longest relationship I had while in my 20s was four months. I think I mostly liked the thrill of the chase, to be honest.

 

This girl doesn't have her life together yet. She's still baking in the oven lol.

 

"I like you more than Pancakes..." sounded really familiar to me for some reason, so I googled it. It looks like it may have been a line from a 2017 sitcom called The Good Doctor.

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I let this go along time ago so it doesn't matter but i just wanted to entertain everyone to end her lying story. lol. So as it turns out, she didn't ever go out of town. Instead what happen, she ends up getting into a relationship with a guy from Florissant, Mo and gets engaged to him. So yeah.. she just wanted what she wanted from me and that was it. I see red flags with this person so I'm glad I don't DEAL with her any longer. :D:D:D

 

Yes... and I'm not quite sure why anything other than congratulation to you and I extend a hardy hand shake to celebrate your resolve. ;D

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