Confusing Family Loyalty

I really don't feel as though I'm having a good time at the moment - at work or at home.

This evening, something really odd happened. My ex boyfriend's friend knocked at my door asking to come in and wanted to speak about my ex and other things. Now it has been over two years since I last saw any of them. If any of you have read my previous posts then you will be aware I previously dated a commitment-phobe who cheated and emotionally abandoned me when the doctors suspected I had cancer. I am very much healthy btw!

Anyway, I did the whole no contact thing back in 2015 and five months later I met the man who is now my husband. During this time my family were very supportive and even confronted my ex boyfriend who lied to them then admitted he was lying. They called him a wet fish he was so lame at trying to mend the relationship! They told me to ignore him. In fact, when I met my husband they were all for it - until I got married. Now my middle daughter complains about my husband only marrying me for my house and now he's visiting (from overseas) she is attempting to make his life uncomfortable. If he goes toilet she shouts he is doing it on purpose! She is rude to him and because he leaned on her car all hell broke loose!

So, back to tonight: I tell my family about the knock on the door and now they are currently texting me from upstairs (so my husband won't hear their opinion) saying my ex wasn't so bad and they miss him. This has really upset me. I'm like, 'Have you forgotten how he treated me?' Their answer was, well he looked after you in other ways. How? Definitely not emotionally. So this is the type of man whom they want for me? A liar and a cheat and possibly gave me sleeping pills to keep me drowsy? Failed to call an ambulance in an emergency? Stated to his friend he was glad our baby did not survive beyond the womb? The list is endless. My husband is so kind to me and has never treated me badly, but they still claim he only wants my house and that is their only reason not to like him.

Thank you for reading!

I'm thinking this year is going to be an upsetting one for me.

How old is your middle daughter?

Is she the only person giving you issues about your husband?

She is in her early 20s and still lives at home

No, my mum is being a little quiet about it as my daughter is constantly convincing her my husband is bad for me. My mum is close to my daughter and has somewhat listened.

Why not kick your daughter out? I mean it's past time she lived on her own. If she can't be respectful of your choices why should you keep letting her live in your house?

I get her being worried. You have a history of unstable relationships and this marriage was pretty rushed. But the way she is acting is childish and rude to a level that I'm not sure why you put up with it. Reading some of your older threads it sounds like she is more worried about losing the house then your happiness.

Trust me, I have been so angry inside that I have told her I cannot put up living with her nastiness. However, she takes my youngest to school when I am at work, although she often threatens not to. But tonight she when she heard me speaking to my mum about my ex's friend visiting she openly said she was visiting my ex's FB page and reading his post and saying she missed him. Then my mum starts saying how my ex wasn't so bad. It has really hurt me. They knew back then what a waste of space he is and how unhappy he made me feel. But yes, she is very openly rude to my husband. When her friend or boyfriend call I am nothing but pleasant to them.

Trust me, I have been so angry inside that I have told her I cannot put up living with her nastiness. However, she takes my youngest to school when I am at work, although she often threatens not to. But tonight she when she heard me speaking to my mum about my ex's friend visiting she openly said she was visiting my ex's FB page and reading his post and saying she missed him. Then my mum starts saying how my ex wasn't so bad. It has really hurt me. They knew back then what a waste of space he is and how unhappy he made me feel. But yes, she is very openly rude to my husband. When her friend or boyfriend call I am nothing but pleasant to them.

How old is your youngest?

Does your middle daughter pay rent?

No I've never asked her for rent and my youngest is 15.

No I've never asked her for rent and my youngest is 15.

Well your middle daughter should play nice then. She isn't paying for that house. Do you enjoy living with her? Maybe it's time she moves out so she isn't so involved with your choice of partner. If she can't be at very least polite to your partner I'm not sure why you are letting her stay in your home. She's an adult. She is welcome to think what she wants about him. But her free place to live comes with the condition that she respects your choices, which means respecting your partner.

I remember your previous thread about him.

1) I think its out of line for your family to say ANYTHING to your ex - wet fish or anything - They should not be communicating with him unless he is the father of your children and therefore has been around a long time. If he was the boyfriend in between, this is just not kosher.

2) You moved too quickly with your new husband. He is not employed in his home country because he is on disability. Your daughter may be coming off like a brat - but put yourself in her shoes - i would be worried about my mom if she is barely getting by and she marries a guy from another country that she will have to support for the rest of his life (if he were successfully employed in his country -- it would be reasonable to assume when he is cleared to work in your country, he would do so or found something enterprising he could do in his country that would require him to only go back a couple times a year)

3) So, your daughter is being picky and rude, but just think about her position. I know "mom is happy and that's all that matters" - but are you sure you have not bit off more than you can chew

4) Why is your family living upstairs? If you own the house, kick them out.

Maybe it is for the best that your daughter moves out. However, make sure to not completely alienate the relationship with your daughter