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Thread: Should I move on from ldr ex or am I stupid for wanting him back?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by xojane
    Our arguments always start with him observing a behavior of mine that he does not like then it will blow up because he will connect it to a bigger issue. Sample: me not hearing what he said because of the volume of the TV (he then says I don't listen) or me eating cereal in his room and not realizing I might spill it on his computer monitor (connects it to not valuing his thing). I recognize his concern and say sorry all the time but I just feel humiliated -- he treats me like a kid and calls me immature. I feel like he has some issues or he is deflecting some parts of himself onto me. He gets upset way too easily and I am always the one saying sorry.

    I rebooked my flight because it was too much for me - the humiliation and not knowing if I was being manipulated into thinking that it was all my fault.
    Read war you wrote. Now tell me what's so great about this guy? He's a jerk. You can do better.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Just because you miss someone it doesn't mean that you should go back to them. This man has mental issues and you should just ride out your missing him until you no longer do. Going zero contact in thought, social media and voice is the best way for you to get to the blissful stage of indifference to this man.

    In time and as you get closer to the stage of indifference to him, you will clearly see that you are much better off without him.

    Once you're feeling better get out there into the dating scene again and keep your search to someone close enough that you can nurture the relationship and you don't need to book a flight to get home.

    Feel better soon and don't fall victim to your feelings of missing him. He's bad news and you don't need to be with someone like him.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by xojane
    Our arguments always start with him observing a behavior of mine that he does not like then it will blow up because he will connect it to a bigger issue. Sample: me not hearing what he said because of the volume of the TV (he then says I don't listen) or me eating cereal in his room and not realizing I might spill it on his computer monitor (connects it to not valuing his thing). I recognize his concern and say sorry all the time but I just feel humiliated -- he treats me like a kid and calls me immature. I feel like he has some issues or he is deflecting some parts of himself onto me. He gets upset way too easily and I am always the one saying sorry.

    I rebooked my flight because it was too much for me - the humiliation and not knowing if I was being manipulated into thinking that it was all my fault.
    You stated you feel like he has some issues. His issue is he doesn't like you nor does he respect you.

    Come on! He asked you why you called him. He can't believe that you would call him after the way he treated you.

    He cant believe you have no self respect.

    Yes, wanting him back is stupid.

    I understand the heart wants what it wants but its not always right.

    If the relationship is LD how much time are you really spending with him?

    Why do you want him back?

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by SweetGirl28
    What does "knock on his door without his support" mean?

    A guy that cannot apologize , and pushed you, is not really worth your continued effort.
    He meant he won't support me on expenses (accommodation, etc). When I went to UK, he shouldered my expenses but I paid for my flights.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by xojane
    He meant he won't support me on expenses (accommodation, etc). When I went to UK, he shouldered my expenses but I paid for my flights.
    Sorry I answered this already
    Got confused but thank you.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    So you want to go back to him so he can mistreat you some more?

    What is it about his mistreatment of you that you like so much?
    I don't like it at all. I just felt like we could have handled things better. I know he won't change for me but I guess, I'm just scared to lose him completely.

    I don't want to justify his actions but he is a good man when he is not mad like this. Or maybe I'm wrong -- maybe he has some issues that he is projecting on to me. He stopped saying "I love you" because he said he does not believe I love him, he confessed when we were arguing. So maybe, he just does not love me anymore.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Imho
    You stated you feel like he has some issues. His issue is he doesn't like you nor does he respect you.

    Come on! He asked you why you called him. He can't believe that you would call him after the way he treated you.

    He cant believe you have no self respect.

    Yes, wanting him back is stupid.

    I understand the heart wants what it wants but its not always right.

    If the relationship is LD how much time are you really spending with him?

    Why do you want him back?
    I honestly don't know if I really want him back (but he said there is no chance anymore) because I have been weighing the good and the bad. I just thought maybe we could have handled things better and this is a wake up call for both of us but I know I can't change him. He is a good person when we are not arguing but I also feel like maybe he is slowly losing interest cos we are LD and I get this feeling that he is somehow treating the relationship as an investment.

    We only see each other every 3 months, for 2 weeks each. Been together for 2 yrs.

    Thanks.

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