Should I move on from ldr ex or am I stupid for wanting him back?

My ldr ex and I broke up last December. It was horrible. He invited me to take a trip with him to London and a simple argument about my behavior turned into a breakup because he forced answers out of me to solve the problem. It came to a point when he yelled at me in public, pushed me to bed, and asked me to pay half of the expenses of our trip to London. He then kept on provoking me to just rebook my flight.

I came to a point when I could not argue with or answer him anymore thinking no matter what I did, I didn't deserve a punishment as bad as this so I rebooked my flight. When I got home, we got in touch and he offered me help if I ever need any money in the future (Did he feel guilty about what he did?)

Then when things started to cool off, I felt my love for him came back and I was willing to forgive him and talk it out although I knew it was not the best choice. Trust me. But I love him so much and maybe if we had just both cooled off - it would not have been like this. But then he told me the breakup is final and that I was the one who gave up when I rebooked my flight. I proved to him that when things get rough, I will run away but I did that because he was provoking and at that moment, I felt like that was what he wanted me to do.

During the course of the relationship, the term 'emotional abuse' kept lurking around. Was I in an emotionally abusive relationship? He never said sorry for his part in the breakup. I ended up saying sorry most of the times. Also, I felt like all the blame was on me when he said my loss was my fault, his loss was not his fault.

I have had several realizations but everytime I miss him, they just go away. Was he trying to manipulate the way I see things? When I sent him a message last week, how is he doing, he asked me why I'm still talking to him. He said that the only time I will see him again is if I knock on his door without his support. He hurt my self-esteem very badly. Am I stupid in wanting this guy back?

What does "knock on his door without his support" mean?

A guy that cannot apologize , and pushed you, is not really worth your continued effort.

You left out the details of the argument?

You cannot win with this guy. He tells you to rebook, then says that you gave up. OMG! How manipulative.

Pushing you to the bed is NEVER acceptable!

You knew that you were in an emotionally abusive relationship. It is your responsibility to remove, and show yourself love and respect.

If you are apologizing all the time, what do you love about this guy?

Get some therapy to stay away from this guy!

And, yes. It is stupid to want this. Would you want your sister of best friend to go through this?

I wont call you stupid, but I will say you need to forget this guy. Wanting him back is stupid. There doesnt seem to be anything to love about him.

He meant he won't let me stay at his place nor help in flight expenses. He had this notion that he spends more than I do in our trips and when I went to UK, he supported me (truth I paid for my flight going there). He started counting the things he did for me when we argued.

Thanks for the response.

What does "knock on his door without his support" mean?

 

A guy that cannot apologize , and pushed you, is not really worth your continued effort.

He meant he won't let me stay at his place nor help in flight expenses. He had this notion that he spends more than I do in our trips and when I went to UK, he supported me (truth I paid for my flight going there). He started counting the things he did for me when we argued.

Thanks for the response.

You left out the details of the argument?

 

You cannot win with this guy. He tells you to rebook, then says that you gave up. OMG! How manipulative.

 

Pushing you to the bed is NEVER acceptable!

 

You knew that you were in an emotionally abusive relationship. It is your responsibility to remove, and show yourself love and respect.

 

If you are apologizing all the time, what do you love about this guy?

 

Get some therapy to stay away from this guy!

 

And, yes. It is stupid to want this. Would you want your sister of best friend to go through this?

Our arguments always start with him observing a behavior of mine that he does not like then it will blow up because he will connect it to a bigger issue. Sample: me not hearing what he said because of the volume of the TV (he then says I don't listen) or me eating cereal in his room and not realizing I might spill it on his computer monitor (connects it to not valuing his thing). I recognize his concern and say sorry all the time but I just feel humiliated -- he treats me like a kid and calls me immature. I feel like he has some issues or he is deflecting some parts of himself onto me. He gets upset way too easily and I am always the one saying sorry.

I rebooked my flight because it was too much for me - the humiliation and not knowing if I was being manipulated into thinking that it was all my fault.

He meant he won't let me stay at his place nor help in flight expenses. He had this notion that he spends more than I do in our trips and when I went to UK, he supported me (truth I paid for my flight going there). He started counting the things he did for me when we argued.

 

Thanks for the response.

Get rid of this jerk! He is emotionally abusive!

OP, he is a complete jerk. This isn't love. It's a power game to him.

I would have run away from some guy getting physically aggressive with me, too. He is not a good man at all.

So you want to go back to him so he can mistreat you some more?

What is it about his mistreatment of you that you like so much?

Our arguments always start with him observing a behavior of mine that he does not like then it will blow up because he will connect it to a bigger issue. Sample: me not hearing what he said because of the volume of the TV (he then says I don't listen) or me eating cereal in his room and not realizing I might spill it on his computer monitor (connects it to not valuing his thing). I recognize his concern and say sorry all the time but I just feel humiliated -- he treats me like a kid and calls me immature. I feel like he has some issues or he is deflecting some parts of himself onto me. He gets upset way too easily and I am always the one saying sorry.

 

I rebooked my flight because it was too much for me - the humiliation and not knowing if I was being manipulated into thinking that it was all my fault.

Read war you wrote. Now tell me what's so great about this guy? He's a jerk. You can do better.

Just because you miss someone it doesn't mean that you should go back to them. This man has mental issues and you should just ride out your missing him until you no longer do. Going zero contact in thought, social media and voice is the best way for you to get to the blissful stage of indifference to this man.

In time and as you get closer to the stage of indifference to him, you will clearly see that you are much better off without him.

Once you're feeling better get out there into the dating scene again and keep your search to someone close enough that you can nurture the relationship and you don't need to book a flight to get home.

Feel better soon and don't fall victim to your feelings of missing him. He's bad news and you don't need to be with someone like him.

Our arguments always start with him observing a behavior of mine that he does not like then it will blow up because he will connect it to a bigger issue. Sample: me not hearing what he said because of the volume of the TV (he then says I don't listen) or me eating cereal in his room and not realizing I might spill it on his computer monitor (connects it to not valuing his thing). I recognize his concern and say sorry all the time but I just feel humiliated -- he treats me like a kid and calls me immature. I feel like he has some issues or he is deflecting some parts of himself onto me. He gets upset way too easily and I am always the one saying sorry.

 

I rebooked my flight because it was too much for me - the humiliation and not knowing if I was being manipulated into thinking that it was all my fault.

You stated you feel like he has some issues. His issue is he doesn't like you nor does he respect you.

Come on! He asked you why you called him. He can't believe that you would call him after the way he treated you.

He cant believe you have no self respect.

Yes, wanting him back is stupid.

I understand the heart wants what it wants but its not always right.

If the relationship is LD how much time are you really spending with him?

Why do you want him back?

What does "knock on his door without his support" mean?

 

A guy that cannot apologize , and pushed you, is not really worth your continued effort.

He meant he won't support me on expenses (accommodation, etc). When I went to UK, he shouldered my expenses but I paid for my flights.

He meant he won't support me on expenses (accommodation, etc). When I went to UK, he shouldered my expenses but I paid for my flights.

Sorry I answered this already

Got confused but thank you.

So you want to go back to him so he can mistreat you some more?

 

What is it about his mistreatment of you that you like so much?

I don't like it at all. I just felt like we could have handled things better. I know he won't change for me but I guess, I'm just scared to lose him completely.

I don't want to justify his actions but he is a good man when he is not mad like this. Or maybe I'm wrong -- maybe he has some issues that he is projecting on to me. He stopped saying "I love you" because he said he does not believe I love him, he confessed when we were arguing. So maybe, he just does not love me anymore.

You stated you feel like he has some issues. His issue is he doesn't like you nor does he respect you.

 

Come on! He asked you why you called him. He can't believe that you would call him after the way he treated you.

 

He cant believe you have no self respect.

 

Yes, wanting him back is stupid.

 

I understand the heart wants what it wants but its not always right.

 

If the relationship is LD how much time are you really spending with him?

 

Why do you want him back?

I honestly don't know if I really want him back (but he said there is no chance anymore) because I have been weighing the good and the bad. I just thought maybe we could have handled things better and this is a wake up call for both of us but I know I can't change him. He is a good person when we are not arguing but I also feel like maybe he is slowly losing interest cos we are LD and I get this feeling that he is somehow treating the relationship as an investment.

We only see each other every 3 months, for 2 weeks each. Been together for 2 yrs.

Thanks.