My emotions take control

I’m a 25 year old female and my insecurities and emotions are overwhelming. My anger gets the best of me and so does my sadness. It’s ruined a relationship with a man I deeply love and care about. I react out of jealousy. I scream. I hit. I yell and I accuse constantly. I can’t control myself and now I’m alone. This has always been an issue and I’m tired of it ruining my life and relationships. How can I get control? How can I get my confidence and self esteem back? How can I be genuinely happy and make the people around me happy?

Have you thought about therapy to get to the bottom of why you can't seem to control your reactions?

Insecurities and anger usually come from a fear of something. A therapist can help you find the sources of those fears so you can deal with them. You may also want to try some meditation videos on youtube.

Therapy, therapy, therapy. When things are so out of control, it's time to figure out why and where it's all coming from. This is where professional counselling/therapy come in. You need professional help.

Why haven't you sought professional help?

This is more of a mental health post. Over the past few months I feel like I’ve lost myself. I have these freak outs where I scream and hit and cry until I can’t breathe and they’re all at my boyfriend. I lost him because of it. And I don’t know why I do it or what comes over me. I have these paranoid thoughts of him cheating on me that I think they’re real. We will be having a great night and then something will trigger me and I’ll go off the walls. I hit him, I throw things and scream and he doesn’t know what to do. I was never like this. Ever. And the worst part is, sometimes I don’t even remember exactly what I did or said or what caused it. It’s like I blank while it’s happening. Other times I will take a step back and know what I did was wrong and ask myself why I did it. It’s like Jekyll and Hyde. I’m having a harder time controlling it and I’m losing the man I love. Someone please help me understand.

Are you in therapy? If not, I sincerely recommend that you contact your medical doctor, tell him everything you've said in your opening post and ask for a referral to a psychologist. Your medical doctor may do a complete work up on you to make sure you're not having any kind of physical problems to rule out brain injury or such, first.

You would have to describe more about what is happening with you, but you should probably have a doctor run some blood tests to see if you have any nutrient or hormonal deficiencies such as a hypo- or hyper-active thyroid, etc. Are you on the Pill? That can create an estrogen excess. Are you taking any other medications? Do you have a history of being bipolar or suffering from depression? It could also be borderline personality disorder (similar to being bipolar.) Is this the first real relationship you've had? It could also mean you need more rest, meditation or counseling. You will drive your boyfriend away if you can't control these compulsions. Hopefully a doctor will help sort through what it could be medically.

Threads have been merged.

I have gone through therapy but I find it didn’t help. Maybe my therapist and I weren’t a good match but I didn’t have a good experience. Also I can’t really afford it

I am on the pill and that was my first concern. I had a bad reaction to Alesse where it made me depressed so I switched but I’ve definiteky thought about it.

Get a complete physical and emotional work up. Do you drink or use drugs? Do mood disorders run in your family? Eventually you'll have legal problems like getting arrested for assault, domestic violence charges, restraining orders, etc. Or someone will defend themselves an harm/kill you. Decide what you want. If you don't want to control yourself, the police and prisons will. Up to you.

I react out of jealousy. I scream. I hit. I yell and I accuse constantly. I can’t control myself. This has always been an issue