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Married and yet lonely


maaz

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This is my first time using any internet forum for advice or help , i guess we are all very stubborn in realizing that we do need help from time to time .

 

So here it goes , i got married last year and today is my Birthday , so happy birthday to me. Marriage is a hard work i know and we had an up n down sort of marriage so far but nothing too serious , having said that , just 3 days ago we had a dispute and both got angry and had a heated discussion followed by me dropping her off to her parents home upon her request . 3 days have passed and we had no contact or communication , i thought it will get better but it did not and eventually she didn't even wish me for my birthday which feels very bad to be honest , like i know we had a fight and she is angry at me but at least she could have wished me right ? may be i am over reacting but .. i dont know , i would have never made her sad on her bday ...what is the point of all this so called love when you cant forgive some one on their special day ...so here i am married and still lonely and just counting seconds to pass through this day....

 

I feel sad today , i think i m not special for her and may be this relationship is not strong ,,, its my first bday after marriage and not the sort of situation i expected. Especially when i treated her like a princess on her bday and did everything in my capacity to make her feel special and loved ..... :( i hope this day pass by quickly , i m trying to forget or distract myself but ....:(

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Well, you may have treated her nice on her bday, but what did you argue about? Are you always arguing with her? Who starts the arguments? Who's trying to control who? It was obvious that the argument was such a deal breaker that she left you. If you want advice, you have to be honest about what happened.

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Yes you are right , i need to be honest ... yes i argue a lot but nothing serious only on small petty things like please let me rest today i dont want to go out or like please lets go and watch a movie or go on vacations and she not showing any interest ..these type of arguments, this time i started the argument but i am not trying to control her . But does that even matter on special occasions ? i don't expect her to treat me the way i did , but at least a simple text would have meant a lot.

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Yes you are right , i need to be honest ... yes i argue a lot but nothing serious only on small petty things like please let me rest today i dont want to go out or like please lets go and watch a movie or go on vacations and she not showing any interest ..these type of arguments, this time i started the argument but i am not trying to control her . But does that even matter on special occasions ? i don't expect her to treat me the way i did , but at least a simple text would have meant a lot.
Arguing all the time about pointless, petty things sounds soul draining.

 

At least when I argue with my SO it is about real things that give rise to a solution and compromise.

 

Why do you argue so much?

 

And why did arguing equate to you trying to control her? Those seem like seperate issues.

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Arguing all the time about pointless, petty things sounds soul draining.

 

At least when I argue with my SO it is about real things that give rise to a solution and compromise.

 

Why do you argue so much?

 

And why did arguing equate to you trying to control her? Those seem like seperate issues.

 

 

@thealchemist , yes i should and will try to change myself but i am not the only who is arguing , at least i am acknowledging my mistakes but the whole point is that why today she had to be so ruthless ???? and what now

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Happy birthday to you!!! May I suggest you go do something special for yourself today?! The drama can wait! The situation will be there waiting for you whether or not you choose to be miserable today, so you may as well do something to cheer yourself up. It will help you clear your mind as well.

 

I think you two should book couples councilling and learn some more tools for communicating. Also to establish rules and boundaries for the relationship. You are married, not just dating, invest early in the work and reap benefits for years to come.

 

For example, my fiancé and I have a rule about if we argue, we give each other space and then reconnect within the day. We say ' I love you' even if upset. Etc. It works really well to making us each feel safe to be upset sometimes but still maintain security of the relationship. Just one example!

 

Again happy birthday !!

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It seems like there is a communication breakdown. Marriage counseling will help the two of you learn to communicate more effectively. It sucks that she didn't wish you a happy birthday. Going no contact for three days on one's husband for a small fight is extreme. Have you tried contacting her?

 

Happy Birthday! I hope it all works out!

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@thealchemist , yes i should and will try to change myself but i am not the only who is arguing , at least i am acknowledging my mistakes but the whole point is that why today she had to be so ruthless ???? and what now

 

Your birthday isn't some sort of special event that suspends the fact that you had a fight, aren't talking and she is staying at her parents. There isn't a 'time out' where she lovingly says happy birthday and then the next day you resume your argument. That's not how things work. You want good times on your birthday? Then don't get into a fight where she leaves the home 3 days before your birthday. Focus on why the fight happened, work to resolve it, welcome her back into the home and knock it off with the petty fighting.

 

Happy birthday.

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Happy birthday. Sorry to hear this. I hope she comes to her senses and stops stonewalling you. What was the argument about?

i got married last year .3 days have passed and we had no contact or communication , i thought it will get better but it did not and eventually she didn't even wish me for my birthday which feels very bad to be honest
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just 3 days ago we had a dispute and both got angry and had a heated discussion followed by me dropping her off to her parents home upon her request . 3 days have passed and we had no contact or communication ,

 

The phone works both ways. So why haven't you called her an requested to take her to dinner? If you were the one who instigated the fight and caused her to leave, then maybe you should reach out AFTER you have stopped the "she didn't call me on my berfday" sob story and figure what your part in the breakdown was.

 

seriously? You are argue because she doesn't want to plan a vacation -- why would she want to be a captive audience with you for a week while you pick petty fights with her the whole time? That is not a vacation? If you don't want to go out, either take turns picking out the night's activity's and stay in on "your nights", grin and bear it and go out if it was something preplanned and prepromised (you have a prescheduled friend's dinner party you already agreed to, you agreed to a date night), or tell her that you rather stay in and watch a movie with her and what about the next night (ie, alternate plans). These should NOT be arguments.

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