Relationship + Old Crush issues

Hello,

I am a junior in high school and I have a typical high-schooler problem I need help with. I’m gonna apologize now because it’s super long.

I have been dating my current boyfriend of 2 years (whom I love very very much and is the first serious boyfriend I’ve ever had) and I’ve had issues with crushing on another guy for awhile now and I’m not sure what to do about it.

Me and this random crush met around January of last year. He texted me asking if I wanted to have a photo shoot (we are both into photography) and I was all excited with the idea of hanging out with a guy 2 years older than me (he was 18 at the time while I was 16), so I said yes. During this time both of us were in a relationship with different people, however I noticed he was quite flirtatious over text at times. The day of the actual photoshoot was pretty amazing. We went into downtown and took pictures and spent a really awesome day together and got along really well, despite only having met that day. In one day I somehow managed to develop a pretty big crush on this guy. Of course later on in the days after my boyfriend noticed and was not exactly happy about it. Looking back on it I know I shouldn’t have spent that whole day with the guy, but I did have a damn great time.

We texted a bit after the shoot but it didn’t last too long, as my boyfriend really wasn’t comfortable with it and nether was my crushes girlfriend. That was when my infatuation for the guy grew more and more and in my mind I mourned the loss of him in my life. My boyfriend of course eventually grew to hate the guy out of so much jealousy. Every at least once every one to two months the guy would message me something random, asking what technique I used to make a certain photo, what kind of camera lens I used, etc. He would always eventually ask if I could do another shoot, and I always said no, that’s just not right, and we’d eventually stop talking.

One of the times I messaged him while I was slightly drunk and he took advantage of me not thinking straight and was able to ask me a bunch of questions about him. That really didn’t give me good vibes but of course I still crushed on him anyways.

After that we really didn’t talk for a while up until 2 weeks ago, when he messaged me the album cover of one of my favorite songs saying he forgot how good the song was. I first thought in my head ‘ok, he’s gonna ask to do a shoot, let’s just get on with it’, but surprisingly he didn’t ask me for anything this time, he just started talking about his life and carrying on an innocent conversation. I was not used to him sharing so much about his life, so I just let him continue and kept the conversation going. It ended up being really nice talking to him and hear about all of the stuff he’s passionate about. It seems like he was just talking to talk, not to get something from me. This carried on for 3 days until my obsession with him grew really big again and I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to tell him my feelings whether it destroyed what weird friendship we had or not. So I told him, and to my disbelief, he said he did not feel the same way. That it was completely one sided. He did say however that when we first started talking he did find himself attracted to me and could easily see that happening again, but it had been so long since he’d seen me. You can imagine how basically heart broken I was after pining over him for nearly a year. But I just told him that that’s alright and I’m sorry if I made him feel uncomfortable, and he was very nice about it and made me feel better and I feel not as embarrassed.

So the next day comes along and my feelings for this guy haven’t waivered and at this point I feel pretty lost, so I tell one of my closest guy friends and ask for advice. He said to completely block my crush, so I did, and we haven’t spoken since. However it’s been 2 weeks and my heart still hurts so much not being able to talk to him. I would do anything to be able to see him again.

I have also recently been having issues with my current boyfriend. Over the past few months we have been having very intense fights over small issues and we both nearly met our breaking points the other day during a bad argument. I don’t know if I can take much of the fighting anymore, however he is such an important part of my life and I’m not sure what I would do if I lost him.

So this is the point where I ask for advice; How should I deal with my current situation? Should I break up with my current boyfriend to get out of a ‘toxic’ relationship? Do I attempt to pursue this random guy I’ve been basically in love with for a year now? I know you can’t give me a straight up answer, but any advice would be appreciated. Thank you so much.

You should let the crush go. You did pursue him by telling him how you feel and he said that he didn't feel the same. He then tried to string you along. You need to believe what he said or you risk ending up a booty call. He is never going to trust you knowing that you emotionally cheated on your boyfriend for a whole year. At best, you would end up fwb.

As for your current relationship you have emotionally cheated on your boyfriend and have been crushing on another guy for half of it so it's pretty safe to say that you don't love him. Break up with him already.

Both guys are wrong for you. Monkey branching is only going to complicate things. Stay single for a bit to clear your head and reflect on what went wrong on your relationship or you are going to keep repeating the same mistakes.

Thank you so much for the feedback. The advice was needed.

Why do you have to be with a guy? You need to break up because that relationship seems to be done, then spend some time alone building your own life. Nothing wrong with being single while maturing, it will help you in your next relationship.

Said in other words, try to enjoy being with yourself, so that one day your partner can enjoy it too.

I think as a junior in high school, you should not have a serious boyfriend. You should be focused on graduating, making friends and figuring out your next step when you become an adult. I think you should break up and talk to whomever you wish. But if you are in a relatioship, you need to be faithful and you are most definitely not being faithful. I don't think your relationship is "toxic" -- it is a boy and a girl where the girl is talking to other boys and so the boy isn't happy about it. He is getting jealous and a little ticked off by it. So just end the relationship and stop talking to "Crush" so much who is not into you lest you start doing things you shouldn't for him just to change his mind and meet new people entirely. You don't have to totally ignore Crush at school or whatever, but you need to break the idea that he will be your boyfriend.