She’s always nervous around me and idk what to do

The girl I’ve been seeing for the past 4 months is still nervous around me. We’ve seen each other 7 times in 4 months.

So what I’ve noticed is every time I asked her out where there was no alcohol, she kind of made an excuse or gave me a maybe at it ended up not happening.. For example at asked her out on a picnic and she said “if I’m free I’m down” but when I asked her to go out with me to a bar only 2 hours before she said okay. I just realized that all 7 times we went out there was some alcohol involved. She is introverted and has bad anxiety.

Last weekend we drank a good amount and she was so relaxed around me.

When I came out of the bathroom I caught her smoking a cigarette outside with others and when she saw me she was like “is everything okay?” Lol and had an “oh crap” look on her face. I went inside because my throat has been sensitive cause I have some kind of bacterial thing going on in my throat.

When she came inside she asked if I was okay and I was just like “yeah, I was just surprised you smoke” “you never told me you smoke” she was like “Are you judging me?” and I assured her that I wasn’t, I was just surprised because of how healthy she is (she’s vegan and extremely clean)

Anyways, we got in a little flirty argument. She kept saying I’m judgin her but I kept saying I wasn’t and I put my arms around her. We got really close to each other and she smiled and told me I make her nervous (in a flirty way).

I know I should have kissed her that moment, but I have a bacterial cold thing that I’m taking antibiotics for because I got sick last month and the cough isn’t going away.

So now that I know she most likely wants to be around me when she drinks, how can I start seeing her more often!?

What can we do this weekend? I’m tired of going to bars and spending money and it’s getting old.

My main question would be is it possible that girls would avoid a guy they like if they get nervous and want to only see him if they’re comfortable and there’s alcohol?

I'm really confused, because in your last post you insisted you are her "twin flame" and everything was going fantastic and you're sure she's really into you.

Maybe she just likes to drink? Although that's surprising because usually models have to maintain a certain fitness level, no matter what kind of modeling they do.

PS: Bacterial conditions are not contagious. Only viral ones are.

 

My main question would be is it possible that girls would avoid a guy they like if they get nervous and want to only see him if they’re comfortable and there’s alcohol?

Does she need to drink to do her job as a model?

Serious question. If she does, maybe she has an anxiety issue.

If she doesn't, if it's only when being around you...well... It's probably not going to be a great way to build a foundation towards a relationship.

I can honestly say, for me personally, I enjoy spending time with a man I like whether or not there's alcohol involved. But I'm not a big drinker nor do I suffer from social anxiety. So my answer is purely based on my mindset.

I still stand by my observation that your view of this situation changes based on where your head is at.

Invite her over to your place. Try to get her relaxed around your environment. Watch a movie, cook or get take-out and just chill together. Let her have alcohol if she wants too, but let her get used to you.

Then in the future she may not feel like drinking to get that "dutch courage" and things should settle down.

My main question would be is it possible that girls would avoid a guy they like if they get nervous and want to only see him if they’re comfortable and there’s alcohol?

I think it's more likely that she enjoys drinking, and she's less inclined to make an effort to see you when alcohol is not available.

So now that I know she most likely wants to be around me when she drinks, how can I start seeing her more often!?

What can we do this weekend? I’m tired of going to bars and spending money and it’s getting old.

maybe she is an alcoholic - she needs a drink to do anything and can't function without.

If she cannot talk to you when there is no alcohol involved, i would say you just aren't compatible. I would be upfront and say "it seems that you only want to go out with me when alcohol is involved and when i suggest something that doesn't involve drinking, you are not interested." maybe she didn't realize this and will be willing to do something else with you. Though, after a few months of this i just think you are not compatible. I would not date a smoker myself, but i would definitely not date someone who only wanted to be with me when they were drunk.

PS: Bacterial conditions are not contagious. Only viral ones are.

Bacteria are absolutely contagious. Microbiologist here.

Bacteria are absolutely contagious. Microbiologist here.

I would say especially if you kissed someone and you had a bacterial throat infection. But i think from past threads, they have never kissed, so she is safe

Bacterial infections can be passed just by coughing in the vicinity

I'm really confused, because in your last post you insisted you are her "twin flame" and everything was going fantastic and you're sure she's really into you.

I'm confused about this too. The other day she was a twin flame and now she's always nervous around you. Makes no sense. If she's always nervous around you that would indicate there's something about you, or something you do, which MAKES her nervous. All in all, not a good sign.

Bacteria are absolutely contagious. Microbiologist here.

Man, the doctor gave me some bad information! He insisted I did not catch my bacterial infection from anyone or any place because they are not contagious. Not going back to him ever again!

Man, the doctor gave me some bad information! He insisted I did not catch my bacterial infection from anyone or any place because they are not contagious. Not going back to him ever again!

I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic...

I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic...

That sounded sarcastic?

Nope...the doctor told me I did not get my bacterial infection from anyone or anywhere, it was caused by a cold that had progressed.

That sounded sarcastic?

 

Nope...the doctor told me I did not get my bacterial infection from anyone or anywhere, it was caused by a cold that had progressed.

Well, that also could happen ie. respiratory infection that worsens and progresses to a pneumonia. It just totally depends what and where the infection is.

Anyways....sorry OP, had to add.

Have you asked this girl out on a date? Like not just a ‘hang out’ or party, a real date?

She is not an alcoholic. She only drinks when she goes out. She only goes out about once a month and when she does go out she invites me. There were a couple times where she said she didn’t want to drink and also said she feels drained and wants to stay in tonight. She ended up sending me snaps of how she had candles lit and was relaxing.

I don’t get what it is with you guys thinking she doesn’t like me. I already told you guys she does. I know when a girl is nervous. I can always feel it and I feel it with her, but I think it’s cute. She gets clumsy and loses her train of thought the first 10-15 minutes we meet especially. We click very well. Just because she gets social anxiety and is nervous around me doesn’t mean we aren’t meant to be together. It’s natural to feel nervous around someone you really like especially for introverts.

Usually she only has one or two beers, but last weekend since it was a party and everyone was drinking she had a couple beers and a couple shots so she was more touchy and was having a lot of fun and ended up feeling under my shirt. I didn’t drink much, but I’m certain she was open to anything with me. She was just a lot more sexual around me that day and ik it’s the alcohol because she’s never that loose. She texted me the next day saying

“I hope I wasn’t too much for you last night.”

I like the idea of inviting her over, but I feel like I need to do it in a way where she’ll know for sure I’m not trying to have sex.

I'm confused about this too. The other day she was a twin flame and now she's always nervous around you. Makes no sense. If she's always nervous around you that would indicate there's something about you, or something you do, which MAKES her nervous. All in all, not a good sign.

We connected mostly through text the past two years. We were friends and dating other people but obviously were attracted in one another. She’s just not used to my presence in person.

Well, that also could happen ie. respiratory infection that worsens and progresses to a pneumonia. It just totally depends what and where the infection is.

 

Anyways....sorry OP, had to add.

 

Have you asked this girl out on a date? Like not just a ‘hang out’ or party, a real date?

No I’ve never asked “do you want to go on a date with me?”

The closest thing to a date was when she asked me if I wanted to go to a pumpkin patch with her and drink apple cider beer. We planned that two weeks in advance. I planned a trip with her to a corn maze at night that we planned ahead of time. We never literally called anything a “date” though.

At the party some guy asked us “how long have you guys been dating?” We both looked at each other and started awkwardly laughing and I was like “uhhhh” and she was like “ we aren’t dating “ and then a couple other guys asked how we met and we just made something up and went along with it for fun.

She told me she doesn’t smoke often. Only at parties where there’s a lot of socializing going on. She also told me that she only likes smoking the organic cigarette and she never buys herself cigarettes. It was cute how much she was trying to explain herself because she knows I don’t smoke.

I'm confused about this too. The other day she was a twin flame and now she's always nervous around you. Makes no sense. If she's always nervous around you that would indicate there's something about you, or something you do, which MAKES her nervous.

 

All in all, not a good sign.

I think being nervous around a man IS a good sign. It means there is tension, a certain sexual tension and attraction.

Most men know this too.

Hell when really into a guy, I am extremely nervous around him, until I spend more time and feel more comfortable. I hate to keep bringing up my ex, but when first meeting him and even on our first few dates, I could barely speak I was so nervous.

With my current bf, I was not as nervous, but I think that's cause I am older, more aware of myself and more confident.

I can also relate to needing a drink to calm my nerves and OP, like this girl, I am also a Cancer (water sign, deep and emotional).

Not that this has anything to do with anything, just thought I'd share that fact.

I think in time, her need to drink around you will lessen, it did so for me anyway.

No I’ve never asked “do you want to go on a date with me?”

The closest thing to a date was when she asked me if I wanted to go to a pumpkin patch with her and drink apple cider beer. We planned that two weeks in advance. I planned a trip with her to a corn maze at night that we planned ahead of time. We never literally called anything a “date” though.

 

At the party some guy asked us “how long have you guys been dating?” We both looked at each other and started awkwardly laughing and I was like “uhhhh” and she was like “ we aren’t dating “ and then a couple other guys asked how we met and we just made something up and went along with it for fun.

Well I can't speak for others, but in my view all you're doing it using us as listening ears so you can get your obsessive thoughts out and ease your anxiety. You don't actually listen to or even seem to want anyone's advice...

Until you change the bold, you're just treading water, but you're feeling in love today so I'll let you do you.

Well I can't speak for others, but in my view all you're doing it using us as listening ears so you can get your obsessive thoughts out and ease your anxiety. You don't actually listen to or even seem to want anyone's advice...

 

Until you change the bold, you're just treading water, but you're feeling in love today so I'll let you do you.

What advice have you given me!? That she doesn’t like me!? You literally don’t answer anything besides tell me that she doesn’t like me. I’m not asking you if she likes me. I already know she likes me.

What advice have you given me!? That she doesn’t like me!? You literally don’t answer anything besides tell me that she doesn’t like me. I’m not asking you if she likes me. I already know she likes me.

Does she need to drink to do her job as a model?

 

Serious question. If she does, maybe she has an anxiety issue.

 

If she doesn't, if it's only when being around you...well... It's probably not going to be a great way to build a foundation towards a relationship.

 

I can honestly say, for me personally, I enjoy spending time with a man I like whether or not there's alcohol involved. But I'm not a big drinker nor do I suffer from social anxiety. So my answer is purely based on my mindset.

 

I still stand by my observation that your view of this situation changes based on where your head is at.

Hard to lie when it's in black and white.

I think being nervous around a man IS a good sign. It means there is tension, a certain sexual tension and attraction.

 

Most men know this too.

 

Hell when really into a guy, I am extremely nervous around him, until I spend more time and feel more comfortable. I hate to keep bringing up my ex, but when first meeting him and even on our first few dates, I could barely speak I was so nervous.

 

With my current bf, I was not as nervous, but I think that's cause I am older, more aware of myself and more confident.

 

I can also relate to needing a drink to calm my nerves and OP, like this girl, I am also a Cancer (water sign, deep and emotional).

 

Not that this has anything to do with anything, just thought I'd share that fact.

 

I think in time, her need to drink around you will lessen, it did so for me anyway.

Thank you! Yes she’s such a cancer and super emotional. We only see each other about once a month so that doesn’t help. I want to see her at least once a week, but because of our on call work schedules I have trouble planning something that ik she’ll like to do and I’m not sure how she feels about drinking back to back weekends. I honestly don’t like drinking much either..

Would you have any recommendations for things to do with her where she won’t feel pressured to talk a lot?

She’s no longer modeling. She quit a few weeks ago because of her anxiety issues and stress. She’s now working on call for her friends business where she has no idea what her work schedule is like. Sometimes she doesn’t even know if she’ll be working tomorrow or not.

Thank you! Yes she’s such a cancer and super emotional. We only see each other about once a month so that doesn’t help. I want to see her at least once a week, but because of our on call work schedules I have trouble planning something that ik she’ll like to do and I’m not sure how she feels about drinking back to back weekends. I honestly don’t like drinking much either..

Would you have any recommendations for things to do with her where she won’t feel pressured to talk a lot?

Roz your actions don't match your words. You are sure she likes you so why are you still approaching this as if it's your first meet? Serious question. She likes you so it's time to make the next move.

That may be why so many are treating your questions as they are. This has been going on for months, you've been friends for years, and you ask questions like, where should I take her? How do I talk to her? What does this mean? What does that mean. It's exhausting and again does not match the reality you're describing. You two have deep conversations where I'm assuming you learn a lot about one another, why would she not feel comfortable with you? Why would you need to ask where to take her? Whether it's people im dating or my friends, if I know them well, I have an idea what they're gonna like, what does she like? Another serious question.

If you two are connecting and having soul mate convos there should be very little nervousness, that's why I ask if she has social anxiety. I'm nervous around new guys I like, very nervous, but it does wane the more time spent together.

You're connecting but are you spending quality time together? Its time to start, slowly remove the alcohol, get to know one another face to face one on one, these parties and texting moments are not going to be all that it takes to start a relationship.