How do you define real love

I just wonder what real love means for each of you...people have different opinions

It all comes down to sacrifice. Love at its basic level is some sort of sacrifice and that's not a bad thing . Sacrifice teaches us valuable lessons . And what you are willing to sacrifice or love is different for each person . For instance I would sacrifice my own life for my son and probably my husband ,my mother and my brother . Other people probably not . Those closest to me I am willing to sacrifice my own happiness in many ways and places for their happiness . I am happy and willing to do so because that in turn makes me happy that they are happy.

Some love is also conditional . Love for ones spouse, friends etc is a conditional love . My love for my child ,my mother and my brother is entirely unconditional there's nothing they could do that would make me not love them . They may do things that I may not like or make me not like them in the moment but love will always be there .

I think love is a feeling. It's something you can feel for a long term partner or someone you just met. Love for me is a kind of joy that this other person exists and a desire to share their ideas and perspective on the world.

For me love (the feeling) is different then being loving (the act) or being committed (which I believe is the sacrifice that Seraphim is talking about). For me it's important to separate these things. Because I love people who it would be unhealthy to be committed to. And I can act lovingly towards someone I don't love. And I can be committed towards someone I don't love.

For me love is a feeling and not a choice at all. The act of loving and commitment are a choice. For me that separation is extremely important. Because it is about what I have control over and what I don't. I can't -make- myself love someone. And I can't stop myself from loving someone.

In the best relationships you get all three and both of you are making the choice to act lovingly and commit to each other. You get to choose 2/3s of it. But that last third is just feelings.

To be fair I don't distinguish much between romantic, platonic and sexual love. I'm not monogamous. I have three long term committed partners and I feel love for a handful of friends and family. I choose my level of commitment by the individual relationship.

I think love is a feeling. It's something you can feel for a long term partner or someone you just met. Love for me is a kind of joy that this other person exists and a desire to share their ideas and perspective on the world.

 

For me love (the feeling) is different then being loving (the act) or being committed (which I believe is the sacrifice that Seraphim is talking about). For me it's important to separate these things. Because I love people who it would be unhealthy to be committed to. And I can act lovingly towards someone I don't love. And I can be committed towards someone I don't love.

 

For me love is a feeling and not a choice at all. The act of loving and commitment are a choice. For me that separation is extremely important. Because it is about what I have control over and what I don't. I can't -make- myself love someone. And I can't stop myself from loving someone.

 

In the best relationships you get all three and both of you are making the choice to act lovingly and commit to each other. You get to choose 2/3s of it. But that last third is just feelings.

 

To be fair I don't distinguish much between romantic, platonic and sexual love. I'm not monogamous. I have three long term committed partners and I feel love for a handful of friends and family. I choose my level of commitment by the individual relationship.

Yes, I am talking more act and commitment than the feelings . The feelings are different for each individual person . Feelings too are not always controllable . And feelings are different over time. Commitment is also on different levels to people .

One thing is consistent for me . I will always love my child at the highest level and my commitment to him is 100% until I die .

True love never dies it may take a different form if something happens in the relationship. I will always love my ex of ten years. My love for him will never die. He taught me true love and the strength it has over you. I'll never see him again, but in my heart he will always be there.

I know I can love again like that because it happened already.

Some pointers of his and my love

-Full acceptance

-Full respect! Not once did we name call when angered.

-Full forgiveness. I wasn't doing well mentally unstable at the time. Not my proudest moment but I slammed his car so hard it broke a piece off the window. I walked over to the front porch and just dropped holding my head in my hands sobbing. He cradled my head for over an hour even when it began raining.

He is and was a special man that taught me love doesn't hurt and letting go never takes the love away.

Lisa

It all comes down to sacrifice. Love at its basic level is some sort of sacrifice and that's not a bad thing . Sacrifice teaches us valuable lessons . And what you are willing to sacrifice or love is different for each person . For instance I would sacrifice my own life for my son and probably my husband ,my mother and my brother . Other people probably not . Those closest to me I am willing to sacrifice my own happiness in many ways and places for their happiness . I am happy and willing to do so because that in turn makes me happy that they are happy.

 

Some love is also conditional . Love for ones spouse, friends etc is a conditional love . My love for my child ,my mother and my brother is entirely unconditional there's nothing they could do that would make me not love them . They may do things that I may not like or make me not like them in the moment but love will always be there .

Yes, I am talking more act and commitment than the feelings . The feelings are different for each individual person . Feelings too are not always controllable . And feelings are different over time. Commitment is also on different levels to people .

 

One thing is consistent for me . I will always love my child at the highest level and my commitment to him is 100% until I die .

Very beautiful to hear different experiences and different meanings of love...

For me it's simply peace and contentment (well, in my marriage anyway).

While in therapy and contemplating divorce my therapist recommended a book - The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm.

I can't say I read the whole book. It's not an easy read, but I did read the first chapter over and over and over. (it made me cry)

He goes on to describe how an artist is passionate about his craft. He practices daily, takes classes, hones his skills.

He works at it until he perfects it.

The same with the doctor. He entered the field with a deep commitment and dedication to serving others.

He is always educating himself and staying current with the changes. His dedication to medicine is beyond reproach.

(I am clearly not reciting it well and not near as poignant in my writing:) but you get the gist)

Love should be the same. It's not necessary some feeling that overcomes you.

Love is an action.

Why do we put so much passion and effort into our careers or hobbies and then assume that love is just something outside of us or something that magically overcomes us. Imagine how fortunate our relationships would be if we dedicated ourselves to perfecting it, studying it and nurturing it routinely the same way we go about taking care of things in our day to day lives.

It's one of the many things that helped me make the decision to end my marriage. Though my ex said all the right things, his actions

did not support his words. Quite to the contrary. I already knew that, but having read this chapter it just became crystal clear to me what my next move was.