Ex wife dumped me but it seems to be struggling

We had been together since 2011 and married early 2013. We have a house, she has been unemployed all this time but i took very good care of her and she respected and supported me. In 2017 she suddenly told me that she no longer loved me the way she did at the beginning. i suggested we seek marriage councelling, she refused saying we can try sort things out. she began leaving me on weekends saying she is visiting her family and attendig church. She would return on mondays with a hangover. After several attempts to convince her to fix things and not go every weekend, she would get angry at me. I got stressed about this and asked her to go tell her family that she is leaving the marriage coz thats what she wanted anyway.

She packed her things and left. I found out that she was dating another guy all this time. This guy dresses in expensive labels and buys alcohol for her. But where he works, he doesnt earn much, therefore he must be buying them from clothing accounts. She always sent me call back messages to get help finding jobs and assitence with interviews. She borrowed money in December, I gave her but it was so little i did not mind coz she never even returned it. I dont feel i should be supporting her with money but theres those unresolved feelings she may come back.

Perhaps go consult with a lawyer.

Ps. I see you are form JHB, I am also from RSA..."nice" to see a fellow South African on this forum, majority of the people here seem to be from way overseas.

Good luck with your situation.

Good God! You have been supporting this cheating leech, for way too long. Stop being such a doormat. Where is your self respect!

See an attorney and be done with this jerk!

Sorry to hear this. Did she abandon you to go live with this guy? Are you legally separated or must you still provide marital support? Get some counceling for yourself to sift through this and decide on a plan for yourself.

She packed her things and left. I found out that she was dating another guy all this time. I dont feel i should be supporting her with money but theres those unresolved feelings she may come back.

Appeasing her is what got you here in the first place.

Additional appeasement will deliver more of the same.

Don't be surprised how things start to change once you do!

PS, To understand infidelity, purchase James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Never let her see this book, and don't confuse Dobson, the inventor of TL with today's anger-laced/politically correct versions.)

Don't be surprised how things start to change once you do!

That is, once you stop appeasing her.

Getting legal advice from an attorney in your area is not the same thing as filing for divorce. Why not learn your options?

Sorry but she is not coming back. Stop supporting her and file for divorce.

Read No More Mr Nice Guy. If she does return, it might just be the only way for you to save the marriage.

I would just cut her lose and let the BF take over the responsibilities.

Good God! You have been supporting this cheating leech, for way too long. Stop being such a doormat. Where is your self respect!

 

See an attorney and be done with this jerk!

Thanks Hollyj. My vision was blurred all this time because her mother was the one encouraging me to not to give up. She had spoken to her and they fought and she told her she cannot stay at her house because she had her own with me. That is when she left and they dont know where she lives now. I definately will get legal help as I have a legal protection policy.

Thanks, my close friends and family have told me to forget her but its hard to forget while her mother keeps checking on me and saying she might come back.

Hi Stefa16, Good to mmet a local person. I definately will call my legal policy people. Dankie

I think you may need to ask the MIL to back off. It is not fair to you.

Sorry to hear this. Did she abandon you to go live with this guy? Are you legally separated or must you still provide marital support? Get some counceling for yourself to sift through this and decide on a plan for yourself.

When she left she went to her mothers house but when she told the mother the fake story of loss of love they fought and she left the mothers house. We were married under customary law (traditionally both families have signed agreement and blessed our marriage). I am not obligated to provide marital support since she is the one who left the marriage.

Thanks, my close friends and family have told me to forget her but its hard to forget while her mother keeps checking on me and saying she might come back.

Of course her mom would be doing so.

Stop listening to her and start taking can of yourself. Don’t take her back no matter what.