I (F, 20) scratched my boyfriend (M, 19)? Is this okay?

As a woman (20 years old) who is not even 5 feet, and who is dating a man (19 years old) that is over 6 feet, one can imagine that I am very small compared to him. I preface my post with this because in the past he has used his size and power against me. It is easier for him to control me, dominate me, etc...

Earlier this evening we got into an argument and he had me in the bedroom on the floor. I was sitting down, and first he pulled me up by the sides of my arms. I don't like this behavior of his, and I have expressed that with him too. He has tried to stop. He pulled me up twice, once by my wrists, and once by the sides of my arms. I had a chance to get out of the room, but had to return.

This time, as I said, I was sitting down, and he was opposite of me. When I tried to get up, he held on to my ankles and would not let me get up. This is where I scratched him (and drew some blood from it). He belligerently said that I could not leave until I answered his last question. I scratched him, and then had to wait for his question.

Anyway, he is actually upset that I scratched him. I was scratching him in defense becuase I did not like him holding my ankles tightly. That's it.

One word: Abuse.

Two words: Get out.

Um... when you tell him you don't like him touching you like that, what does he say?

You being small doesn't mean it's okay for you to hurt him. But if he doesn't listen to you about the ways you don't want to be touched? That isn't cute. That isn't fun. That is garbage behavior. You are both young so I hope he learns that fast. The dynamic you have sounds pretty awful.

As a woman (20 years old) who is not even 5 feet, and who is dating a man (19 years old) that is over 6 feet, one can imagine that I am very small compared to him. I preface my post with this because in the past he has used his size and power against me. It is easier for him to control me, dominate me, etc...

 

Earlier this evening we got into an argument and he had me in the bedroom on the floor. I was sitting down, and first he pulled me up by the sides of my arms. I don't like this behavior of his, and I have expressed that with him too. He has tried to stop. He pulled me up twice, once by my wrists, and once by the sides of my arms. I had a chance to get out of the room, but had to return.

 

This time, as I said, I was sitting down, and he was opposite of me. When I tried to get up, he held on to my ankles and would not let me get up. This is where I scratched him (and drew some blood from it). He belligerently said that I could not leave until I answered his last question. I scratched him, and then had to wait for his question.

 

Anyway, he is actually upset that I scratched him. I was scratching him in defense becuase I did not like him holding my ankles tightly. That's it.

You're both abusive and ridiculous in how you relate to one another. If you're smart you'll break up and you'll both stop dating until you've matured enough to understand that love looks NOTHING like what you two have going on.

As for your question: NO it is not okay to scratch your boyfriend and draw blood (or even if there is no blood). If you have to defend yourself like that then you get out and you stay out never to return. You're both wrong.

Just break up. Once there is abuse it is over.

Friend is legally blind in an eye after a raking from a dainty, harmless wittle way. Don't gotta be Ms. Olympia to do real damage.

Still, given he was physically restraining you, I can't say your BF is exactly victim supreme.

How does it even become a notable trend that you two argue while you're sitting on the bedroom floor? That should have been the first (probably 5th) hint that this ain't right, never mind the physical altercation.

You are now both being physically abusive to each other. It's time to call it quits and end the relationship. You both as well need anger management and counselling for this.

It's never okay to raise your hand or place your hand on someone else with the intention to hurt. Neither of you has that right no matter what size you are.

What do you keep arguing about? It's not good to argue a lot and definitely not good that it is physical on both ends.

This is not so much about a scratch but about an abusive jerk of a boyfriend. You two sound very immature. You need to get away from this guy before he seriously harms you.

Firstly, how did your family not hear this altercation?

Secondly, this has been going on for too long and you need to end it.

Tell your family what has been happening. Report him to the police before you leave him so that you have a crime number ready in place. Because leaving him will be hard and it’s a good idea to be ready to alert the police however he reacts.

Leaving him will take up all of your physical and mental energy to keep strong and not relent. But please leave him, looking back at your posts it’s just heartbreaking that’s you’re staying in this situation.

It's unclear why your family encourages him to stay and condones his abusing you. Is it you who begs your family to let him stay?

I (f, 19) have been with a guy, John (m,18) for a year and a half. My bf realized that he was abusing me and has tried tremendously to stop everything he was inadvertently doing to me. My family won’t kcik him out on the street Becuase he has nowhere to go

in the past he has used his size and power against me. It is easier for him to control me, dominate me, etc...

Why remain in this situation?

>>"He has used his size and power against me. It is easier for him to control and dominate me."

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No hun, HE isn't using his size and power to control and dominate you.

YOU are using his size and "your" size to justify 'allowing' him to control and dominate you. And bully you! Physically and emotionally.

You are passive and no disrespect, but emotionally weak, and "this" is why he is able to control and dominate you, your respective sizes have nothing to do with it.

Tall men don't have the market corned on control and domination. Nor do you, as a shorter woman, need to tolerate it.

The dynamic you have developed "with each other" sounds extremely toxic, and frankly dangerous.

I echo catfeeder's question, why do you stay? What compels you to stay"

Please dont say it's because you "love" him, just because you love someone doesn't mean you should stay and tolerate shyt behavior like this.

What if he threw acid in your face disfiguring you? Would you still "love" him after that? And stay?

True story, and not uncommon.

Yes that's an extreme case of abuse, but behavior like his typically escalates; I don't care how small you are, you should still have boundaries, so my advice would be to start respecting yourself, take steps to build up your self-esteem.

And, when experiencing treatment like this, either start standing up for yourself telling him (or anyone) assertively and strongly to knock that shyt off (from the get go before it escalates) or just get the hell out.

Stop using the fact he's bigger than you to justify shyt and "abusive" treatment from him or anyone!

As been said a million times, we teach people how to treat us.

And yes scratching him was definitely wrong. A symptom of the larger disease if you will -- your dysfunctional and toxic RL.

To add^, I am average height, but have a small frame, blonde, soft looking, soft-spoken, and have met men who believed because of these traits, I could easily be manipulated and controlled.

Story of my life pretty much (until recently, past six months-year or so).

Boy were they mistaken!

If any man attempted to physically restrain me *against my will* the way your BF does, it's an immediate NEXT.

Again, stop hiding behind the fact you are short.

You are not powerless. It's no excuse to tolerate this type of crap.