Husband Secretly Obessed over another woman for 5 months.

I was on my husnands phone the other day. I was about to post a couple of screenshots i took on Facebook and next to my images in gallery were 2 pictutes of the same woman. I looked at them closer and saw it was from instagram. Obviouslly i opened up his instagram. I saw about a month ago he he had commented "WOW!!!!!" And called her pretty and witty and bright on another comment. So i asked him who she was and why he had saved pictures of her. He quickly got defensive and asked why i was looking through his phone. He told me it was just those 2 pictures and it was because he liked the way she looked snd nothing else. I was able to look past this. The next morning i decided to follow her on Instagram and also checked his trash on his phone amd there was 6 more pictutes. He had saved these from September through 3 days ago tge dau it all caught up to him. I found out i wad expecting our 3rd child together in September. I also found her number saved on his phone. He said he couldn't remember how they exchanged numbers but he later told me he had asked her for it. I looked on her instagram and he liked every single one of her images including provocative ones of her in closeup shots of her underwear/crotch. Ones with a lot of cleavage. I checked his activity/likes and he didn't look at amyone elses pics, he didn't update his staus or anything, all of his likes wete pictures of her. I asked if there was more after i confronted him this 2nd time and he said no. I found out the next day he lied and that he had been all over her favebook too and was ❤ all her pics. He has never ❤ my pics or even ones of our children or even the pictures of when they were born. I keep finding out more and more lies and scecrets from him. He hasn't taken a pic of me since May. He has spent 5 months looking obsessive for this 1 woman. I asked him if he realized his behavior and he said no he didn't think or realized it was wrong while he was investing all this time on her. I feel all our mutual friends saw this and i am so embaressed amd heartbroken.

Throughout this time period i found out i was pregnant and lost the baby at 14 weeks. I ran over my friends dog in September and killed her. So i haven't been physivally avaliable for him. I've been grieving for months. After all this i don't feel attractive to him or that he has lost interest in me. I believe she is a million times prettier than me but he keeps telling me it's not true. He's very remorseful now and can't even look at me but i don't know if it's because he got caught. He said i know everything now and i haven't found out anything new today so hopefully this is it. He deleted his instagtam and deactivayed his Facebook after deleting and unliking all of her photos.

I love him and i want to forgive and get over this but all i can think about is how attracted he is to her to destroy our 5 year relationship and everything we built just to let this woman know how interested he was in her. When i look at him i think of him undressing her with his eyes and i can't stop looking at pictures of her although it kills me. I haven't been able to eat or sleep and her face haunts me. She never reciprocated but he didn't stop until i caught him. He says he's remorseful and he loves me and she doesn't mean anything and he's willing to do anything to keep our relationship alive and that he never wanted her she was just a fantasy. I am the only one for him. If he could undo this all he would and hates the fact he has hurt me so deeply.

Should i believe him? Should i stay with him and try to make things work? I do love him him more than anything despite it all but i just don't know what to do. Help! 😢

One minor detail. He cheated on his last girlfriend with me and he left her the very next day and we've been very happy together ever since up until i found out i was pregnant the erd time and lost the baby and i ran over my neighbors dog. I've been in such a deep depression and this is the worst thing he could've done at this moment in my life while I'm still grieving. The disloyalty kills. I held him up on such a high pedastool. I thought he would never do something like this to me.

Don't blame yourself. His escapist behavior with this fantasy is his problem, not yours. Suggest marriage counseling for both of you and seek counseling privately for yourself to sort out your grief and sense of betrayal.

One minor detail. He cheated on his last girlfriend with me and he left her the very next day

Not a minor detail. A character attribute. Character attributes tend stick with a person. Good luck.

Not a minor detail. A character attribute. Character attributes tend stick with a person. Good luck.

This does worry me.

You were the other woman and knowingly married a cheater. I doubt all the counseling in the world is going to change who he is and correct such a serious, fundamental character flaw. Sorry but it's ye olde how you got him is exactly how you'll lose him. He was cheating with me on his then gf is not a minor detail, it's the reason you are in the situation you are in right now.

The whole he didn't know how he got her number? Hilarious. Seems like things went well beyond just liking pics. You don't even know how many others you haven't caught him with. Good luck to you. You signed up for this with your eyes open and fully informed.

You were the other woman and knowingly married a cheater. I doubt all the counseling in the world is going to change who he is and correct such a serious, fundamental character flaw. Sorry but it's ye olde how you got him is exactly how you'll lose him. He was cheating with me on his then gf is not a minor detail, it's the reason you are in the situation you are in right now.

 

The whole he didn't know how he got her number? Hilarious. Seems like things went well beyond just liking pics. You don't even know how many others you haven't caught him with. Good luck to you. You signed up for this with your eyes open and fully informed.

He really left her the next day and i moved in with him. There were no others. I went through his entire accounts, emails, text messages on his phone. I went through years of his likes and comments and all of his posts it was all me this, me that, we looked happy and i know we were. On his instagram it was eady to see it was an obsession with her because he only updated with 5 pictures and never liked or commented on anyone's stuff until she came along throughout his days om instagram. He doesn't leave my side unless he goes to work and primarily stays home. So i am certain this was the first and only time. I don't know if i can trust him again. He deleted his accounts and deactived Facebook. He sent her an apology message for being so creepy and obsessive. He can't even look at me. I can see the pain and remorse in his eyes. I am not sure if he would've had these feelings ever if i didn't catch him with her pictures saved and then find his obsessive behavior or how long he would've kept on. It went beyond liking her pictures with him but nothing physical with him. She never gave him the time of day. What if she did would he have jumped at the opportunity? Should i be trying to work past this and move on with our relationship? Or have i spent 5 years with a man that put up a fake loving husband facade?

Are you on therapy at this moment?

He really left her the next day and i moved in with him. There were no others. I went through his entire accounts, emails, text messages on his phone. I went through years of his likes and comments and all of his posts it was all me this, me that, we looked happy and i know we were. On his instagram it was eady to see it was an obsession with her because he only updated with 5 pictures and never liked or commented on anyone's stuff until she came along throughout his days om instagram. He doesn't leave my side unless he goes to work and primarily stays home. So i am certain this was the first and only time. I don't know if i can trust him again. He deleted his accounts and deactived Facebook. He sent her an apology message for being so creepy and obsessive. He can't even look at me. I can see the pain and remorse in his eyes. I am not sure if he would've had these feelings ever if i didn't catch him with her pictures saved and then find his obsessive behavior or how long he would've kept on. It went beyond liking her pictures with him but nothing physical with him. She never gave him the time of day. What if she did would he have jumped at the opportunity? Should i be trying to work past this and move on with our relationship? Or have i spent 5 years with a man that put up a fake loving husband facade?

Did you go through all his accounts and etc before this incident or after this?

Trust is fundamental in a healthy relationship and seems like it's been broken. The fact that he cheated before (with you) might be an indicator that this is not about this woman itself, but more about his character. This is what worries me.

I think you need to go to counseling for your depression (i'm sorry about the baby and the dog) and to couples' counseling to talk about the long term commitment issues.

Not a minor detail. A character attribute. Character attributes tend stick with a person. Good luck.

I was wondering about this as well - What happened between meeting him and him breaking up with her? How long were you and he talking before he started cheating with you?

He cheated on his last girlfriend with me and he left her the very next day

Oi vei. Whenever a man leaves his S.O. for a mistress, there's a job opening. Not saying you deserve this, nobody deserves to get cheated on, but this is not a minor detail. If he can cheat with you, he can cheat on you. That is probably a bigger predictor for future cheating than however many likes he puts on somebody's picture. You two need marriage counselling.

Here's the thing i was not his mistress or have i been anyone's ever. After it happemed i told him i didn't approve and that he had a girlfriend and this was it. We hooked up that 1 time and by the next day they were over. He was in a relationship with her in the past for a year. They broke up for 5 months and got back together a couple of weeks before we happened.

After all this all happened me and him were inseparable he was always by my side. I use to have to tell him to go out and see his friends and even then he rarely did (maybe 4 to 5 times a year max). He always said he'd rather spend his time with me and his actions confirmed it. Everyday he expressed his love for me and made small and sometimes big gestures to demonstrate his love and devotion to me. He has told me everything about himself the good the bad and the ugly. We never had secrets, hebwas(is) my bestfriend. He had no time to cheat on me. I know he never has physically cheated on me. He never hid his phone from me or shown any signs.

My biggest problem right now is not how we started. Although i hate the fact of how it started, it's too late for that now. It's been five years and we have 2 kids together and have been happily married up until 5 months ago. While i went through his FB account through his account settimgs and checked all his likes and comments requests, I went back through years of photos and social media interaction with us and it was a beautiful relationship with a lot of love. Anyone who looks through it can see it was a beautiful, lovong and caring relationship. After my search, I didn't find anything implying he has done this before except for the last 5 months on all his accounts or even before we were together. Same goes for instagram. Instagram was easy to check because he only added 5 pictures ever. 1 of himself, 3 of the kids and 1 of me pregnant with our son. He had only liked a couple of innocemt thongs like memes and then his activity picked up from 5 months ago and on and it was all 100% devotion to her!

My biggest problem is the beytayal i feel right now from the 5 months of obsessing over his ex co-workers social media pictures. This all started after i hit a deep state of depression, right after i ran over and killed the dog, a few weeks later i found out i was pregnant and was very sick, my grandmother almost died and fought for her life, and finally ending with me loosing our 3rd child in December at 14 weeks. Maybe i distanced myself from him bevause of what i was going through throughout those months.

Right now he's so miserable. He hates himself and he hates what he did. He's remoresful and embaressed by his behavior. He hates that he hurt me so deeply and that he sees me suffering and heartbroken all because of a women that didn't mean anything to him. He says he'll do anything to fix our relationship and try to gain my trust again. He deleted all his accounts after blocking her. He's been trying to keep us together. He says he never realized the severity of his behavior. We went out for the evening alone without the kids last night. It was nice and i have been enjoying our time together trying to rekindle our relationship but everytime I feel alright i am overcome with emotions of sadness and betrayal. We've been talking a lot lately about everything and he did minimalize his behavior after i caught him but since has accepted his behavior 100%. He says he made the hugest mistakes of his life and he is so stupid for straying and has accepted he needs to seek therapy. He says he'd understand if i left him but hopes we can move past this. This experience was a real eye opener for him and he says he'll never take my love for granted again. He says he wants to start ahain and try to woo me and show me the love i deserve.

Of course I am skeptical, he was able to hurt me so deeply and despite all this i can't imagine myself without him no matter how badly i wantef to leave him. I definently can't even fathom the thought of looking at another man the way i view him. Right now i am still so sad but now that everything is out i have gotten over the rage i had when this all came out. I want to work it out but i feel stupid for giving him a chance. I have let him know that i am unsure we can work past this but i am willing to try.

I answered all your questions in my last reponse. We were just friends. I had known him for 3 months. The day i met him he told me he was interested in getting to know me amd i was the type of girl he would want to marry. I told him i wasn't interested and thougjt mayne he told every girl the dame line but i liked him as a person. I had never thought of him in a different type of way until we hooked up. He did initiate it. He only cheated once with me and he ended it the very next day. Afyer this day we were inseparable for years up until i started grieving 5 months ago. I am not the type of person to help ruin a relationship, unfortunately i did partake in the doom of his last relationship . I don't regret it bevause the outcome was worth it. We have had 5 beautiful years together and now have the most beautful baby boy and girl ages 1 and 2. He is an amazing father!

I was wondering about this as well - What happened between meeting him and him breaking up with her? How long were you and he talking before he started cheating with you?

I responded in the last 2 messages. Sofry i didn't properly reply. I am still learning how to use this forum

Anyone else? Some say i am ovetracting amd his actions ate harmless

He flirted with you inappropriately when he met you. How was that fair to his formal gf?

Of course he'd cheat. He never proved to be a guy that had great morals to begin with. If you can't see this then I suggest looking again.

He's never going to be loyal to you.