Death's Embrace

I wish for death to come and finally take me into its embrace. That I be free of the pain in my heart and mind. I wish I could choose to ignore and be free of these feelings. To live and move on but I feel I can't. I feel that the consequences and retribution of the things I've made others feel and do, will haunt me forever. No matter what I do I can never atone for it all. To never be a person others don't learn to regret giving their time to. I don't feel I'm worth it to anyone in the end. I wish to fade. To stop existing. To never been seen again. I wish I could choose never to have been born. To have been given the real choice that matters. The choice to live but that was never mine to choose. If it was, I would never have been. That is my biggest regret. To be alive was something I never have wanted. To be alive is regretful. To be seen and exist. All I do is make others learn to hate me. It's so wrong for me to do this. To make others feel regret they ever gave me time. I wish I could lay somewhere no one could ever see and to wither away. But as a human I crave interaction. I know I'm not wrong for that. It's humanity that craves that feeling. I regret being brought into this humanity. If it matters anymore I choose to be free. I choose to no longer exist. I may not be able to atone for how I made others feel in life but I can give closure to all them and myself be exiting from life. Exiting from a life I never should have been given. Leaving a mother whose future was claimed by my own. Leaving a family that could have saved their time and money on anything that could bring them actual joy and happiness instead of feelings of what could have been. Leaving the people that came and went and that I only was another person in passing. And to leave the ones that I actually affected in such a terrible way. People don't need to feel the pain and regret that I bring. While I can't take back what I've done or made others feel. I can give them all peace that they no longer have to worry about my existence. They no longer have to think about me in any way. I will be air and dirty to all. Faded and unable to affect anyone ever again. For those who care I will achieve peace and for those that don't then you will feel the peace. I wish to hurt no one. I've made a choice. I will not regret it. I will not turn away from it. Death is my answer. It will take me into its embrace. I will be free. I will feel the one thing I chose. Peace.

I think you've got it all wrong. Watch "It's a Wonderful Life" and see how many people's lives you've touched and how you will inflict so much pain on them by leaving. I'm sure they don't think you're worthless. Plus if you think you've caused all this damage, it's your obligation to make it up to these people, not chicken out of your obligations. And if you can't make it up to the individual people, then devote yourself to volunteerism and charity. And you may find yourself feeling virtuous in the process.