When guys are off with you, are they on with another?

This question is for the men .

 

When you are dating a girl and suddenly lose interest (completely off) is it almost always because another woman caught your eye? Are you ever really "off" (meaning staying to yourselves, alone on weekends, no sex for long periods) or are you almost always preoccupied with a new fling?

 

I may be judging but I always feel if a man loses interest, he is already eyeing a new one or hanging out with someone. No offense to any men. But I figured I'd ask.

Hi Mandeelove,

 

TL;DR: It depends on the guy - if they are mature enough to know what they want and self-aware enough to know they aren't interested, then no. But for a lot of guys, yes in many cases. Source: Personal experience/observation

 

Personally, I tend to fixate pretty hard on girls I am interested in, so I don't really become romantically interested in other girls while I am with someone. In terms of losing interest, it's usually a progression with me. This may be for a number of reasons, including they genuinely aren't as interested as me, or we actually don't click as well as at the start, or I feel I am putting more in than I am getting out. All of this is informed by my own insecurites of course, although I am not so self-aware to always realise that.

 

In some cases where my interest has faded, I am not really fully aware of it. Often this will manifest in being anxious/irritable about other things, and it's not until another girl sparks interest that I realise I have "fallen out of liking" someone. Other times, it's simply ending something that isn't going anywhere and where I feel unfufilled.

 

That said, for me at least, I usually harbour at least some feelings/interest for a person until I find someone else (based on being romantic idealist). But these days, I am mature enough to not lead someone on if I know I am not really interested.

There’s someone else 99.99% of the time. I highly doubt a man will lose interest for someone and NOT have his eye on somebody. You don’t leave something for nothing.

Why would you assume that a man who is not dating anyone at the moment is staying to himself/staying alone just because he ended things with a woman? I would hope that he, like many people, have full and fun lives whether or not they are dating someone or looking to date someone.

Why would you assume that a man who is not dating anyone at the moment is staying to himself/staying alone just because he ended things with a woman? I would hope that he, like many people, have full and fun lives whether or not they are dating someone or looking to date someone.

In my experiences men make it seem like they are alone sulking on the couch after losing interest , when I really feel it is a line of bs. I do believe they are starting to gain interest in another person which is why they have zero interest left for you (the general you). They just obviously cant say that .

 

I think alot of men overlap dating too. They wont leave a woman until something is a safe bet.

There’s someone else 99.99% of the time. I highly doubt a man will lose interest for someone and NOT have his eye on somebody. You don’t leave something for nothing.

I believe that too. Agree

Hi Mandeelove,

 

TL;DR: It depends on the guy - if they are mature enough to know what they want and self-aware enough to know they aren't interested, then no. But for a lot of guys, yes in many cases. Source: Personal experience/observation

 

Personally, I tend to fixate pretty hard on girls I am interested in, so I don't really become romantically interested in other girls while I am with someone. In terms of losing interest, it's usually a progression with me. This may be for a number of reasons, including they genuinely aren't as interested as me, or we actually don't click as well as at the start, or I feel I am putting more in than I am getting out. All of this is informed by my own insecurites of course, although I am not so self-aware to always realise that.

 

In some cases where my interest has faded, I am not really fully aware of it. Often this will manifest in being anxious/irritable about other things, and it's not until another girl sparks interest that I realise I have "fallen out of liking" someone. Other times, it's simply ending something that isn't going anywhere and where I feel unfufilled.

 

That said, for me at least, I usually harbour at least some feelings/interest for a person until I find someone else (based on being romantic idealist). But these days, I am mature enough to not lead someone on if I know I am not really interested.

Thank you for your response ! Very good insight .

Hm, my ex did. He just "wasn't feeling it" with me. He stayed single for well over two years.

 

Now, there are those who would insist that he must have "had his eye on somebody" and that new woman didn't return his interest. I just don't believe that every single time a guy breaks up with us it's because he wants someone else.

 

I mean, I get that it's soothing to believe that's always the case...but sometimes, they just figure out that the relationship isn't working for them for a myriad of possible reasons. And that's OK, because I've done that too...stopped seeing someone because it wasn't working for me. Not because I wanted another guy.

In my experiences men make it seem like they are alone sulking on the couch after losing interest , when I really feel it is a line of bs. I do believe they are starting to gain interest in another person which is why they have zero interest left for you (the general you). They just obviously cant say that .

 

I think alot of men overlap dating too. They wont leave a woman until something is a safe bet.

 

Really? That's very odd. I think some people like to let down other people easy by using the excuse that they're just not into being in a relationship and they leave off the "with you". Sometimes they don't realize it's because they're interested in someone else -as Meg Ryan said in You've Got Mail to her soon to be ex boyfriend "it's the dream of someone else" (which was kind of why it wasn't working with my ex boyfriend).

As a male, Ive done both.

 

Interest in someone else might help you to see you arent in an ideal relationship but conversely sometimes you just need space and to focus on other things.

 

I have moped on the couch after a failed relationship I knew was wrong and moved on straight away in other instances.

 

Its not a male or female thing. Its a personality thing. Some ppl cant be alone so they monkey branch but others dont have that fear

My experience, I never had a back up before cutting it off with someone. I think it’s smart to do that if you’re not enjoying a job but not with a person. I’ll know by date 1 2 or 3 that it’s not my thing. I’m pretty busy and I prefer to have a good time when I’m not working. I’d rather spend it with friends or something I enjoy.

It either works, we become friends or it doesn’t work at all.

That’s also just one out of 100 reasons someone flips the script. There’s no usually.

For me depends on how serious the dating is.

 

If we've hung out a few times, I may like you the first 3 dates, but then realize we aren't a match a few more dates in. In this case there has been no one else and I just rather not continue to save us both hardship.

Could go all the way up to 10 dates.

No, mandalee, when I lose interest in a woman, it could be for a variety of reasons.

 

I've had situations where it's because another woman has caught my eye, but the vast majority are because of issues of chemistry, etc. from the first woman.

There’s someone else 99.99% of the time. I highly doubt a man will lose interest for someone and NOT have his eye on somebody. You don’t leave something for nothing.

Sorry, disagree. This is a very limited view of how attraction works.

This question is for the men .

 

When you are dating a girl and suddenly lose interest (completely off) is it almost always because another woman caught your eye? Are you ever really "off" (meaning staying to yourselves, alone on weekends, no sex for long periods) or are you almost always preoccupied with a new fling?

 

I may be judging but I always feel if a man loses interest, he is already eyeing a new one or hanging out with someone. No offense to any men. But I figured I'd ask.

 

You're asking us to make a generalisation. Men lose interest for many reasons.

 

If you always conclude a man is losing interest because of another woman, you're making things harder on yourself than need be.

You need to read the multitude of posts and threads on here from brokenhearted men and men who are just losing interest. In some cases there may be someone on the horizon, but in most cases it's just losing interest.

I want to agree with Sportster and Wiseman and also add my thoughts: I am a woman, so this isn't from a guy's point of view, but I imagine men can go through the same things. I'm casually dating after a long recovery from a break up three years ago. I have two-three guys that I see in a little "rotation" depending on my mood - all casual fwbs, nothing serious and they are all much younger than me (I'm almost 50, they are late 20s).

 

I find them all super sexy, we have a great time we we are together, but sometimes I'm just not in the mood - I'm tired, not feeling sexy, just want to cocoon, so I blow them off, put off making plans, sometimes even cancel at the last minute because I'm not up to getting together... and it has nothing to do with them at all and I never blow one off to see another one.

 

And I imagine guys have these times, too, when they are not feeling sexy, up to getting together, maybe dealing with work/life stress - who knows... of course at the end of the day, all we can do is deal with what the reality is (that someone doesn't seem interested in us) but - as has been mentioned here - it can be for a variety or reasons that very likely have nothing to do with us.

 

Even if it is a loss of attraction, that is not the end of the world - we ourselves have not been attracted to guys. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to take it personally. I don't know if you are talking about having a few dates and they lose interest or being a serious, multi-month/year dating relationship - the latter would of course change my response a bit.

There’s someone else 99.99% of the time. I highly doubt a man will lose interest for someone and NOT have his eye on somebody. You don’t leave something for nothing.

 

Do you have a source for this %99 number? I suspect you're engaging in hyperbole. I've lost interest in many women. Never because I've had my eye on someone. Usually, I suspect like most, some behaviour has been revealed that I don't like, or approve of.