Can one person be bad with you and better with somebody else?

So I've been thinking a lot about it and still can't really find the clear answer, even if I think from my prospective.

 

Do the people we date show their worst-selves with time because that's the way they are or if relationships turn wrong direction or does it actually depend on who they are with? Will the person show his bad sides having a certain partner and will likely not show it with another?

 

We all have our own 'devils' inside, and probably some people awakening them, but if it is a SO - will you show your worst to only some extend because you care about the person or not show at all, or will those devils break through with time?

They say people treat you the way you let them treat you. So if you try to stop right away all the unpleasant/unwanted things your partner initiates - will he be a better person with you because of that? (i know it sounds kinda silly, just curious of people's opinion)

 

So who's "fault" is that and is a bad person is always a bad person,or does it depend on his/her partner?

 

Would like to know your thoughts.

I don't really believe that any person is inherently bad. People are who they are and we all have a mixture of both good and bad traits within us.

 

As for people showing us their "bad sides" or negative traits over time in relationships, I feel like its a pretty normal thing. Let's be honest, we all are on are best behavior in the early stages of a relationship. We want to win the other person over and most of us are going to show our "better sides" when a relationship is still new. As we grow more comfortable with the person, its natural to show some of those less than stellar traits to them. In fact, I think its a healthy thing to be who we are and if we find that we can't do this with a partner, then I'd have to question whether this is the right relationship to be in.

 

If someone starts to behave excessively negatively or in an unhealthy way consistently, I don't believe it really has anything to do with the relationship taking a wrong turn. It absolutely is not the partner's fault. It says a lot more about who they are...and the more important question is, if you're the partner in such a relationship, can you remain with them, if this is who they are? It doesn't matter who the other person is with, as I mentioned, people are who they are. If they have unresolved personal issues, these will continue to surface over and over again, regardless of who they are with.

Ive always wondered this too. Great post.

 

I notice in my life my partners show bad qualities.... The worst actually. And I always say theres no way they wont show these traits to the next person. But then boom, they get married!!! and every bad thing they ever did with me is never shown to the next.

Short answer: yes.

 

Longer answer... and no.

 

We bring out traits in one another to display in different concentrations. We display traits to each other that are invisible to outsiders. We have insecurities that leave when well matched. Our character is at our core. Deeper traits, paradigms, and values may change but often remain mostly as you know them to be.

Nobody is bad or good in relationships it just depends the healthier the relationship the happier and nicer you'll be. If your unhappy then that transfers into the relationship.

People show us the best versions of themselves when you start dating. After 2-3 months the ‘real’ person comes out. Whatever these undesirable traits are they arent deal breakers for everyone (necessarily)

 

Ive dated loads of people and havent necessarily clicked with them but Ive met some now (who has dated ppl too and its not worked out) and we click.

 

Theres so many personality types and personality factors involved in relationships. Its a wonder ppl stay together at all!

 

Then you have to consider external factors too! (Family, financial, etc) otherwise healthy relationships can be ruined by these events just as easily!

Ive always wondered this too. Great post.

 

I notice in my life my partners show bad qualities.... The worst actually. And I always say theres no way they wont show these traits to the next person. But then boom, they get married!!! and every bad thing they ever did with me is never shown to the next.

 

Thanks! That's why I posted that:) I had a few examples from my past too. There was a feeling afterwards that it was me, not them, who provoke this or that kind of unwanted behavior maybe because partly they out a guilt on me, and also because I saw them moving quickly to another person and seemed really happy.

Thanks! That's why I posted that:) I had a few examples from my past too. There was a feeling afterwards that it was me, not them, who provoke this or that kind of unwanted behavior maybe because partly they out a guilt on me, and also because I saw them moving quickly to another person and seemed really happy.

Yes this is exactly my life..and I wonder ..where did their bad personalities go? What does the new person have? .What I've done instead of blaming me is to just realize its a compatibility issue. Sometimes the new person may be willing to deal with more or whatever it is. Its not always a bad thing if it didnt work out with us.

Short answer: yes.

 

Longer answer... and no.

 

We bring out traits in one another to display in different concentrations. We display traits to each other that are invisible to outsiders. We have insecurities that leave when well matched. Our character is at our core. Deeper traits, paradigms, and values may change but often remain mostly as you know them to be.

 

 

 

Nobody is bad or good in relationships it just depends the healthier the relationship the happier and nicer you'll be. If your unhappy then that transfers into the relationship.

 

So if a person has, let's say anger issues or is very selfish and doesn't like to listen to your needs - will it all disappear and will never show up because they matched better and they are happy. But then with who? With somebody who like to be a victim and a masochist? I don't know who can match with that and put up with that and still be truly happy and have a healthy relationship.

If I know that guy is an ass...ole but now seem to be happy in his new relationship, maybe he just has deeper feelings this time and afraid to destroy his relationship and he wouldn't be acting like that?

Then there's a question about compatibility too. If a person has a few difficult sides in particular then for example I make a decision if I'm ok with that and willing to deal with it to maintain happy relationship whatsoever. But then if those issues are so strong and shows more often and often, so that it becomes a problem - then it means I don't know how to deal with it a proper way, although i want to. Then somebody else will know how and will win that person?

I tend to think it's a matter of how deep feelings are and if the person value that relationship and if he is trying to solve his issues too, not just being "this is the way I am" and looking for a "perfect match" who will accept anything. Or it's an as..lo meets an as..le and that's a match. Otherwise i don't see how people with multiple personality issues (those that prevent building healthy relationship) can even be happy with somebody.

There are people with personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder. That makes it difficult to maintain relationships...period. they will date people but break up eventually etc. Its hard to deal with those types of people. So whether they leave u or not, the next relationship is bound to end too. Selfishness, no empathy, lack of feelings, liars, etc. These are the things that are hard to change with the next person too. They are core issues.

 

But people with compatability issues are the ones who seem to find a new person and be happy. The new person is a better match. It just happens.

 

And yes, I do believe its a love issue too. Sometimes a person wants to change because they fall in love very hard. They mature and step it up for that person. Maybe in other relationships they just werent in love enough to care to change. I see that alot too.

I think people change and mature over time. So maybe a person can learn from their past relationships and be a better partner in the future. So the more failed relationships, the better the partner because they have lived and learned.