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Had a great first date with this guy but something feels different now


Alexbrowning

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I apologize if this is a lil long but I really need some help. So i've been talking to this guy for the past 2 months online like just snapchatting and texting a whole lot. We're both 22 btw. Over these months we bonded alot and i started developing feelings for him. He actually started pursuing me first and he told me he really liked me and that i was very beautiful and that i meant a lot to him. He used to text me everyday and call me babe, boo etc, it was almost as though we were in a relationship. We both knew we had feelings for eachother so we decided we'd meet up for the first time and see how it goes from there. So yesterday we went on our first date together. We watched a movie. Through out the movie he was trying to find ways to hold my hand and eventually when we did he started feeling them a lot lol and my thighs too. He even told me i looked pretty. Throughout the whole date he would find subtle ways to touch me like my shoulder or waist. He even suggested to click few pictures together and he ended up uploading a pik of me and him together on snapchat and a picture of me alone on his instagram. Then we grabbed lunch together after that. It was 4pm by then. He had told me the previous night that he had to go pick his mom up by 4.30 so i was like "don't you have to go pick up your mom?" and then he said "yeah i'll go after sometime" so after like 15 minutes i brought it up again and i was like "so we'll leave now?" and he was like ok fine. He had parked his bike inside the mall so i had to go by bus and then i was like ok i'll go now and he was like no i'll walk you till the bus stand. And at the end he hugged me in the middle of the road( its a huge deal over here to display pda cause our society is super strict). later that night i felt like he was super distant. He was like "you didnt put up a single pik of us :/" and then i said "i was about to" to which he replied "no need im kidding". His classes reopened today and he was like im tired i got class tomorrow. he didnt mention anything about our date. he didnt call me babe didnt say he liked me no sweet stuff nothing. so i freaked out and texted him "is something wrong? you didnt like me did you. something doesnt feel the same between us" and the next morning he replied "omg babe nono, nothings wrong. i was nervous but it was a fun day, muaaah" . i didnt reply to him cause it felt like it was forced and then later he snapped me saying "at college boo". idk i still feel something is off and he wasnt like this before he was more sweet and romantc i dont think he liked me, what do i do i really like him alot please help :'(

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Doesn't appear as if he isn't interested, so the real question is why are you doubting yourself?

Do you in general have low self esteem and issues with being insecure?

Relax. Take it day by day. Keep getting to know one another. You need more than one meetup

to determine if this is headed towards a relationship.

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Chill out. Literally. Don't get all needy and insecure because of one date and start asking what's wrong. You met, you had a nice time and that's all there is to it for now. Maybe you'll go out again and maybe not. Only time will tell. The point of dating is not to jump into an instant relationship but to spend some fun time with each other and see how you actually get along over time. A date is just a date. Take it one day at a time and let him live his life.

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Agree with DancingFool^.

 

Don't know how much dating experience you have (my guess is very little) but holy cow, if you don't chill out, and relax, you're gonna drive this guy and every guy you date away, fast.

 

If I may ask, what do you expect after "one" date?

 

Serious question.

 

ETA: Even if/when you feel a shift, keep it to yourself. Learn the different nuances of these early dating experiences.

 

I literally cringed when I read you asked him "is something wrong? You don't like me do you." Please don't ever ask a man this again when you first start dating him, ugh.

 

Dial it back, and keep things in perspective. You had ONE date.

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I know it was just one date but my point was he used to text me alooot before and said sweet and romantic things to me and that he really liked me but after meeting up he seems distant which is why I'm freaking out, I mean do you think he still likes me?

 

I get that. Keep those freak out feelings to yourself.

.

Do not go burdening him with your anxieties, after one date.

 

Gauge his behavior going forward and if you don't like how he is treating you, find another (or other) guys to date.

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This is just speculation but I think what may be happening is that for two months you chatted overs snapchat and text; you both felt a connection but it was, in part, based on fantasy as you had not met IRL yet.

 

This explains why he texted so often, called you babe, boo, etc. Got a bit carried away with all the "sweet talk."

 

Then after you met, reality hit. Not saying he doesn’t like you, but let’s face it, reality is never as exciting as fantasy.

 

So, after he met you in person, he is letting the date marinate in his head for a bit and decide what his next move will be.

 

Continue dating? Hopefully, but you never know.

 

Letting your anxiety show is the worst thing you could do. Go for a run or something or take up yoga to squelch those anxious feelings, works for me!

 

As I said, best you learn these different nuances especially as you transition from on-line to real life.

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The most important thing is how often he plans dates and wants to see you. All the SM and chatting for months is not a good way to tell what's going on. Try to decide if pet names, flattery, SM chats and "touching your thighs" on the first date is what you want out of dating.

i've been talking to this guy for the past 2 months online. we decided we'd meet up for the first time and see how it goes from there. So yesterday we went on our first date together. We watched a movie. Through out the movie he was trying to find ways to hold my hand and eventually when we did he started feeling them a lot lol and my thighs too.
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Thanks for the input guys, I really appreciate it. We talked about it and he told me honestly he didn't find our date that great. I guess I forgot to add something to this post. We both actually agreed before meeting that we would cuddle during the movie and when he tried to cuddle with me I said no. I was kinda shy and I guess a part of me was playing hard to get. I basically sort of rejected everything he tried to do like holding my hands and hugging me. So he felt really bad about it. He was like it sucked getting shot down and it was a huge turn off cause I did tell him I wanted to hug him and when it came to that point I didn't do anything so basically he said the whole date was just awkward for him. I asked him whether the problem was me and he was like "ofcourse I liked you. You looked really pretty, it just sucked when you kept saying no to everything". I asked him whether he would like to meet again and he said yeah and he seemed excited about it so let's see how it goes .

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Thanks for the input guys, I really appreciate it. We talked about it and he told me honestly he didn't find our date that great. I guess I forgot to add something to this post. We both actually agreed before meeting that we would cuddle during the movie and when he tried to cuddle with me I said no. I was way too shy. I basically sort of rejected everything he tried to do like holding my hands and hugging me. So he felt really bad about it. He was like it sucked getting shot down and it was a huge turn off cause I did tell him I wanted to hug him and when it came to that point I didn't do anything so basically he said the whole date was just awkward for him. I asked him whether the problem was me and he was like "ofcourse I liked you. You looked really pretty, it just sucked when you kept saying no to everything". I asked him whether he would like to meet again and he said yeah and he seemed excited about it so let's see how it goes .

 

Do NOT ever promise anything physical to a guy you've never met before. I don't care how connected you feel online, until you meet face to face, you don't actually know him and have no idea if you'll be attracted to him or if he is a total creep. Wanting to get his hands all over you and then trying to guilt you about rejecting that is quite frankly pretty unacceptable. This is why you absolutely shouldn't engage in prolonged chit chat online before meeting face to face. You are building up a false sense of attachment and connection. Better to keep things brief, meet face to face quickly and see if there is real life connection and chemistry. If it's there, then you can both agree to set up a real date. If not, drink your coffee quickly and part ways. Beware of Mr. tentacle hands types.

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Sorry this happened. However there is a priceless lesson about never agreeing to physical contact with someone you've never met. You don't owe him anything. Next time never meet in a dark movie. Meet for coffee in a more public place and see if you like each other and want a second date.

We both actually agreed before meeting that we would cuddle during the movie and when he tried to cuddle with me I said no.You looked really pretty, it just sucked when you kept saying no to everything".
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I'll provide a different perspective. Think you guys are really keen on the mushy stuff, and that he's insecure about attachment. Why do you have to post a pic of him on social media after 1 date, or at all?

 

 

I agree with this.

 

 

 

Thanks for the input guys, I really appreciate it. We talked about it and he told me honestly he didn't find our date that great. I guess I forgot to add something to this post. We both actually agreed before meeting that we would cuddle during the movie and when he tried to cuddle with me I said no. I was kinda shy and I guess a part of me was playing hard to get. I basically sort of rejected everything he tried to do like holding my hands and hugging me. So he felt really bad about it. He was like it sucked getting shot down and it was a huge turn off cause I did tell him I wanted to hug him and when it came to that point I didn't do anything so basically he said the whole date was just awkward for him. I asked him whether the problem was me and he was like "ofcourse I liked you. You looked really pretty, it just sucked when you kept saying no to everything". I asked him whether he would like to meet again and he said yeah and he seemed excited about it so let's see how it goes .

 

Alex you two sound incredibly young, you two had a connection through 'talking' which is common now a days, now that you two met, insecurity kinda reared its ugly head for the both of you. My take? You two like each other a lot but are quite inexperienced so you're dancing around each other, communicate, take things slow, you two will be ok 😊

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