My bf lie to me about his smoking habbit

Me and my bf has been together from 8 years. We are truly in love with each other and committed to get married. I am also involves in his family and often visits his home to meet her family mother, father, sister, brother etc. We are just like married partners. We don't live together but still it is like we are always together, we share everything. This is just a perfect relationship.

But recently i visited his home to meet his family and his mother said that she was waiting to meet me to complaint about his smoking and shisha taking habit. I was in a huge shock that what she is saying??? I asked her that i even don't know about his this habit than how can i forbid him no to do that. Her mother was also surprised that i don't knew this earlier.

At that moment i feel so upset and shocked that i could not explain that feeling. I asked him what is your mom saying?? Is it true? and he said don't ask anything and tell me to keep quiet at that time. When i come home i didn't text/call him and i just keep quiet. At that night a text came from his side that this was your last visit to my home as it created so many misunderstandings between us and i also have a huge fight with my mom because she told you about my habit.

I just said to him that it was not about smoking, it was about the blind trust that i always have on him.

In the past years, He often said it in fun that i am smoking but every-time when i asked is it true then he said no no it was just a joke. I am feeling so helpless and low at that moment, couldn't find out what to do next. What should be my behavior to him as he lied.

Last night he also sends a text that i will quit smoking within some days but on this condition that you will never open that topic again. I can't understand that how can i now trust on him that he will tell true to me? May be this time he again tell lie to me just to make me start talk to him.

What should i do now? I am not talking to him because all this creates a weird situation, i can never expect this from him.

Last night he also sends a text that i will quit smoking within some days but on this condition that you will never open that topic again.

Look, if he genuinely quits, I wouldn't bring it up again. But if smoking is a dealbreaker (is it?) and he does it again, you certainly have a right to bring it up again. He doesn't get to tell you to shut up forever about certain topics if they become an issue again.

Is he still saying you never can see his family again? Because that's just childish. I can see why he'd get embarrassed by being accidentally outed by his mom, but he shouldn't punish you because of something his mom said.

Look, if he genuinely quits, I wouldn't bring it up again. But if smoking is a dealbreaker (is it?) and he does it again, you certainly have a right to bring it up again. He doesn't get to tell you to shut up forever about certain topics if they become an issue again.

 

Is he still saying you never can see his family again? Because that's just childish. I can see why he'd get embarrassed by being accidentally outed by his mom, but he shouldn't punish you because of something his mom said.

I know him and i know all this brings a huge space between me and his family and there are 80% chances that he stops me to meet his family now and if he allows to meet than he definitely threat his family not to tell anything about him to me.

I can't understand what to do now? Should i start talk to him or should i keep quite? He got mad whenever i stop talking to him, it is his words that fight with me but never stop talking to me. But what i am feeling is so werid and i can't understand that if i start talking what to say and how? And how can i trust him that he will quit smoking and never hide from me??

Does he live with his parents? Do you mean tobacco? In 8 years you never knew he smokes? You are "not like married" if after 8 years there has been no movement forward and after 8 years only recently met his family. Also it's not "the perfect relationship" if you don't like his habits and are trying to change him and he keeps a life secret from you. What you see is what you get.

Me and my bf has been together from 8 years.We don't live together

Yes he lives with his family and i met his family many times, not 1st time. He has not this habbit from start, he started taking shisha that is a type of smoking and much more harmful than smoking from about several months.

Her mom says that i am looking forward to tell u but can't get chance from a while.

Kindly suggest me what to do now? I am still not talking to him and he daily message me that will you talk or not? And when i said i want to talk about that issue in detail otherwise i'll not talk than he said ok don't talk take care.

He doesn't want you AND his mother lecturing him. It's her house so at least she cam make some requests of him, but why are you doing this? He's an adult and it's legal, no? So he smokes tobacco and hookah mix. You knew this. Why are you ganging up on him because his mother told you he smokes more than you see living apart as his gf? If you don't like his habits or lifestyle or living arrangement he's right, don't call, don't talk and just walk away. Stop trying to fix and change him. Next time don't date smokers or guys who live at home.

And when i said i want to talk about that issue in detail otherwise i'll not talk than he said ok don't talk take care.

You are replying as a guy. But it's not about smoking, it's about hiding this from me. As we always promise not to hide anything atleast a big thing like this.

You are replying as a guy. But it's not about smoking, it's about hiding this from me. As we always promise not to hide anything atleast a big thing like this.

If he quits would you want to be with him still?

If he doesn't quit would that make you break up with him?

You know what --- he is acting like a little child who has been caught. And he is acting childishly for forbidding you to see his family because of the "misunderstanding". Its like having one set of friends who know the real you and not letting them meet friends who only know certain things about you so they don't tell the other friends. I am sorry - whether he smokes or he quits doesn't matter right now - the fact that he forbid you from his family is reason to break the engagement. You did nothing wrong - you walked in innocently and blindly.

He should have been EXTREMELY CONTRITE and all he is doing is blaming YOU for "family unrest" and for the fact that his mom is mad at him.

i will quit smoking within some days but on this condition that you will never open that topic again.

if he decides to quit, he decides to quit but it is wrong to make you promise to not talk about it ever again. He is acting like a child

He doesn't want you AND his mother lecturing him. It's her house so at least she cam make some requests of him, but why are you doing this? He's an adult and it's legal, no? So he smokes tobacco and hookah mix. You knew this. Why are you ganging up on him because his mother told you he smokes more than you see living apart as his gf? If you don't like his habits or lifestyle or living arrangement he's right, don't call, don't talk and just walk away. Stop trying to fix and change him. Next time don't date smokers or guys who live at home.

She did NOT know he smoked. And she did NOT nag him. She was totally blindsided. Mom gave him for the business about his smoking and about NOT TELLING his fiancee about it. It looks like the OP was just standing there in shock - and she had every right to ask "was it true?"

I do think she should dump him. Not because of the smoking, but because of the lying and forbidding to see his family. What's next if they marry? Him hiding a mistress?

She did NOT know he smoked. And she did NOT nag him. She was totally blindsided. Mom gave him for the business about his smoking and about NOT TELLING his fiancee about it. It looks like the OP was just standing there in shock - and she had every right to ask "was it true?"

 

I do think she should dump him. Not because of the smoking, but because of the lying and forbidding to see his family. What's next if they marry? Him hiding a mistress?

Thank you so much for understanding what actually i want to say. It is not about smoking, its about lying and broken trust. If he tells me by himself that i smoke than i surely will not get mad. Whenever he shares anything with me i always give him space to share. But this time he not only hide but also behaving like that there is not his mistake. Whenever he does anything wrong, he always want me to be normal after sometime and forget everything but this time its not a small thing. I actually can't understand what to do next? I know i can't leave him and even he can't leave me too but the issue of trust and hiding things is very sensitive for a relation.

Is this an arranged engagement? Why can't you leave if you don't trust him? You seem to know very little about him after 8 years together and you both still live with your parents? How old are you both?

I know i can't leave him and even he can't leave me too but the issue of trust and hiding things is very sensitive for a relation.

Is this an arranged marriage?

Is this an arranged marriage?

No its a love relationship of 8 years and committed to marry.